Keep the moment

I was hugging my nana from behind. This ocurred to me as I burried my head in her shoulder by her neck.

I held her close to me and thought

She is warm in my arms and has a certain aroma to her being that I recall from many times before. Yet none like this. I don't recall feeling this before.

I held on to her from behind and burried my head into her shoulder by her neck feeling her warmth and her soft grey, white hair against my cheek. There in that moment I felt something that I had never known before. I felt a conection of energy, a conection of emotions that seemed to flow into me all at once. I did not want to let go. At first I couldn't for I did not wish to break the connection. It was one of those times where you would see something or smell or taste or touch something that just struck you with a pain that was hurtful yet wonderful at the same time. In that moment I felt as if I would just melt into her right then and there. It was so comforting. It was like I was trying to hold that feeling there forever so that I would never forget it. And in that moment I did something that takes great effort and takes something with a very strong field to it to make me do. What I did felt so unatural and yet so natural at the same given time. I cried. I actually cried. Not knowing so at first but, still. I am stubborn and strong willed but, something in that moment must have broken down that barrier, that wall that I seemed to have built. It struck me without my awareness of the fact. It was like something beautiful and amazing and yet terribly sad and heart wrenching all roled into one. I did not want to lose that connection. I felt as if I was going to seep into her being. I sit now across the room from her minutes after that connection and I still feel it there as I write this. It is my belief that in that time that I held her there in my arms, that we synced our energy without knowing it, without our full awareness. Yet in times like this you never are aware of somethings that happen. They just take its course and the feeling will forever remain as one would hope it would.