Mr.Death

nightmares are a normal part of my life since i was little... but they are just getting twisted and weird now

 

I cant focus to read anyone else’s writing

Wondering if death will be in my dream again

Once he was at a movie theater

Another time taking the lives of my friends as we tried to save the world.

 

I can still feel the heavy stare of the indescribable eyes

As they looked at me and measured me to see how easy of a kill I would be

Before turning to the ticket woman and buying a ticket to a movie

And moving on without looking at me with those calculating eyes.

 

He has never haunted me so blatantly

He has killed and left them around my dreams

But has never let himself be seen

Or done his killing right in front of me.

 

He’s becoming more and more courageous

And it’s starting to scare me to much to sleep

For fear of him killing me off

Or killing my best friends off

And the thought of what I would do without them is unbearable.

 

Death creeps around and pops up when he wants to

In my dreams

And in my life

I cant wait for him to trip and kill himself one day

…

Maybe.

Author's Note

some feed back please :) and thank you for reading my writing.

Reviews

[Nicole Clarice Anna Wie..]

Ok..... let's pick this one apart...

Stanze 2 is much too wordy. "As they looked at me and measured me to see how easy of a kill I would be", "Before turning to the ticket woman and buying a ticket to a movie". I suggest simplifying these lines and it will improve the overall flow of the poem.

3rd stanza: farely good - enjoyed your choice of words - however.... "Or done his killing right in front of me." does not work for me in this stanza. Try to re-word.

4th stanza: Spelling error "And it's starting to scare me to much to sleep" should be "too much to sleep"
The 2 lines "For fear of him killing me off, Or killing my best friends off" sound rather juvanile to me. Again, wording.

Stanza 5: I trip over the line "And in my life". For me, it just doesn't fit with the flow.

The "... maybe" at the end is powerful . i use this effect in my writing as well.

Overall this poem needs a ton of work - but I think that the concept is strong - wording needs to be solidified. Flow can use some work also, but that will come with percise wording. Good luck in editing. Hopefully I was of some use to you.