Glass Rain

I'm not at all pleased with how this turned out. I am considering deleting it, keeping the title, and trying again in about 3 months.

Tonight the street lamps are glowing like stolen stars crammed on top of sticks. For the convenience of humans, to push back the dark.

If there weren't so many, I may actually see the real stars, tangled above in the sky - I would be looking at objects far from, far greater, than earth, off the planet into the universe - instead of the half lit neon of a dirty 24- hour mart as I'm plodding along at 2 a.m. , looking for myself.

I fully realized tonight how intrusive the highway is. The sound of it is inescapable! I hear the wheeled beasts rumbling onward, driven mad by their parasitic human innards everywhere I go, the echo always hanging over my shoulder. ( yet another trade off of modern comfort- there's never any quiet ).

It's a cold night without wind, and I can feel small drops of rain on my face and shoulders. Tiny, shy drops that make me flinch and shiver. Better water fell on me than broken glass, though. Next time I'll wear my red raincoat with the broken buttons.

It's not loneliness so much as it's detachment that demands senseless walks from me, urging me to find an outline to mold myself to - however obscure. I know I won't find it here, in the illusion of safety the star sticks lend. It's beyond them, where they don't touch, where the true dark is, unchanged by this spoiled race I'm blessed to be, and unfortunate to be, a part of.

I could do it now, though, take three steps to the left and out into...wherever.

Anywhere...

No.
Next time, when I have my raincoat.

Author's Note

Stuff it in your mouth and give it a thorough chewing.

Reviews

[LSS]

Wow, can you write!!! Lets examine it: You illustrate light poles as the antithesis of your desires, your longing to be quieted by the peace in the universe. Your demonizing man's vain efforts to dominate you: "I hear the wheeled beasts rumbling onward, driven mad by their parasitic human innards everywhere I go." Tying in your limitations that take on your own personality: "Next time, when I have my raincoat." ("my red raincoat with the broken buttons"). There's only one area that does not fit; the obscure reference to the bird stuff, I think it was added for color, but it demeans a beautiful work. Other than that, If you delete or change anything, I'll stop reading your stuff. Your writing says you have to good sense to recognize a finished work. I think you're just unsure if there are others who would like it too. I have to disagree with John, it is not too short. Its shortness lends the surprise ending, punch. KEEP IT!!!
Lar

[John Stussy]

Hmmm... *chewing, considering the taste, chewing some more* It was a little short. I would say, don't delete it completely, you are definitely onto something here. It has some interesting undertones though, curiosity, contemplation.. I'm sure you can make something excellent from this. *chews some more* :( I ran out of story to chew. Please do add more to this. I would like to know more about the character. Seems like an intriguing person, but there weren't too many details. Let me know if you update this piece at all.