SOUL

This is a piece about a soul in journey of finding her existence.

Rushing, a soul,

day and night,

building up,

a wall of monotony,

around itself.

Running, all the way,

to somewhere,

It can picture and

try hard to manifest.

Rescuing, itself,

from being adamant on,

getting caged,

in a place,

that’s the darkest.

Resigning, itself,

from the memories,

stinky  and stabby,

turning the merrier,

into the saddest.

Restricting, itself,

from entering a loop,

of delusional promises,

that felt like the truest.

Rushing and Running,

Rescuing and Resigning,

Rehearsing and

Repeating it,

until a soul,

finds a way,

to its destination,

that is perfect.

Author's Note

suggestions are welcome

Reviews

[Ken e Bujold]

I have to agree with John. A grand theme that is a bit of a mess punctuation wise. I have a suggestion that could let you see what and where you really want to stress, then maybe work out from there. It is a simple one of observance. Limit yourself to one comma per verse, play with it, and see how the various ideas play out and add to the stress of the poem. Then once you have wrestled it to order you can if absolutely needed add a few more commas, but I suspect you might be quite surprised at how few are going to be required

ken

[doomedmillenial]

Thank you for the suggestion, I will definitely use your suggestions from now on.

[John the Baptist]

I think I see where you're going with this one, and the theme is a worthy one. You might want to take another look at the punctuation, however. It comes across as a bit choppy and messes up the rhythm.

[doomedmillenial]

Thank you so much for the suggestion, I'll work on it.