Not last night but the night before...

Not last night but the night before...

Stoned 

I seep into my bed

The heat from my blanket
holding me


I laugh as someone in the room says "not last night but the night before" blah... blah... bl...
I always fade out of the conversation at this point, having to finish that phrase with
"twenty-four robbers came knocking at my door"

I'm transported to my childhood.

That fricken kickass time when you were left unprotected for extended periods of time...
cast out into the world so unceremoniously...
hours alone 
with
a
jump rope...
or
  skateboard
or
bike

Hours playing pretend...

Even board games
by
yourself.

Suddenly
I realize this truth...

I have been constantly moving all my life.

Like a shark.

Like if I stop for a moment
I'll 
die.
or
fall 
apart...
and 
my
biggest fear
in that is
I won't find all the pieces again.

I am tired
but
I never sleep

I live in a madhouse
I've always lived in a madhouse

I'm alone

Theres a drunken fool
stomping and slamming and slurring
above me
creaking floor boards
muttering

I fight the urge to just disappear.
To get in my car
and 
just take off

Instead... 

I play
pretend
and
I wait
for my
dreams
to come
true.

Ever
the
hopeful 
lonely
little girl
I've always been.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

Oh my, what a journey this poem travels!

Not only is your language super fine but you've laid open what could pains and needs, desires and doubt.. and more, much more. Even more extraordinary is the lay-out.. precise yet inviting.. all enclosing a more than wonderful piece of writing - albeit sad it has something extra Might need to read again to discover its mystery.

[Singular D]

Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment.

[JMaster1]

I am addicted to your writing style

[Singular D]

you're kind, thank you for the read