Beyond the Reach of Movement

This is the first poem I wrote in a new style that I'm developing. I call it 'embedded poetry'. I work to make every stanza a stand alone haiku, so there's actually poetry within the poem itself. It's a challenge but I really enjoy it. Hope you do too

 

Beyond the Reach of Movement

 

Stand at an odd edge

To the voices that surround

Find an empty place

 

There are colors now

Flashing through dim memory

The long ago, gone

 

Internal waves thump

Repetitious reminders

Of the next moment

 

Notions fly away

With a whisper of grasping,

A faltering step

 

Born of ash, return

Fractured by relentless time

'til we stand again

 

                        D.R. Edwards

Author's Note

Poetry can be difficult to review, but I would appreciate honesty here.

Reviews

[The Random Writings Of ..]

I really liked this piece, it is so very different from so much of the writing I read on here. I am sensing an almost darker side to the piece, something more is there to think about and to see. The first stanza alone grabbed my attention from the get go.

Stand at an odd edge

To the voices that surround

Find an empty place

From time to time I find myself standing there at an odd place in life, wondering what it is that I am doing.

I truly think this piece is a wonderful piece of writing and can think about many things that come to mind in my own like as I read this.

xoxo

[Melody P-]

I love the structure regarding the concept and style you've portrayed* I'd say your initial attempt is more so, "the achieved" than just attempted* every stanza is made up of the quite intense lines, holding much within every line and also in group...together the piece as a whole, quite wonderful;)
Great Write! would love to see you work in this style again*

[Alex Hutchinson]

I can appreciate your attempt at working a structure but it is structure that hurts poetry. Poetry is the dirt underneath your finger nails, not the view out of a clear, plastic window. It was too clean of a write. I didn't feel anything. Sorry.

[Joseph - Michael]

It's a real good start for you there. Everybody's first time at writing the poems, prose poems, lyric, and such are always hard. Most of the time, the first timers aren't that great. Somehow, you've managed through just fine

So, it's all still good there...

[Silent Pacer]

wow, that was brilliant! I would of never thought to write poetry inside poetry... hum... I may have to try that sometime. I'm amazed. Plus, the imagery was deep, and the whole poem it's self was awesome. I love the simplicity of haiku, it lets your mind wonder....very very very nice job.

[Anne Hill]

Very hard read, it didn't flow evenly. However the imagry is fantastic. it was good.

[Sally Edwards]

I have only started to write poetry about 4-5 months ago, I tend to write just simple poems no fills or anything , I don't even know what stanza means, so perhaps I'm not the best person to review your work but I try to step out of the box and try new things. You asked for honest comments so here are mine, I have read it 3 times, leaving a gap between each read, I like what I'm reading but I haven't worked out what it actually means. I feel that it's about standing back and reviewing life and then continuing on, I am probably totally wrong but that is how I see it.

[Shadows of Sight]

I found myself over analyzing it. Each stanza was great! But it took me a few reads through to see the entire image.

The overall image i got was that of being reborn from the ashes of one life into the newness of another

Honestly, i found the flow kind of disjointed. But i'm a free form poet, so i may not be the best to say :)

Thanks for sharing! :)

[Mark A. Mihalko]

There are colors now
Flashing through dim memory
The long ago, gone

I love that stanza. This is a very good piece. One that I think makes a lot of sense (at least to me). Keep it up!