Regarding Aging

Regarding Aging

I think there are three kinds of people when it comes to aging. People who commit suicide abruptly; people who commit what is referred to as slow suicide; and people who spend most of their time trying not to die. I believe I am committing a very, very slow suicide. 

I want to live as long as I can do the things that I enjoy doing. I exercise just enough to keep my body able to do those things. Hard core working out can too easily turn into stress injuries and work me out of an ability to do the things I really want to do: play the guitar, play golf, walk from restaurants to clubs and to my bedroom. I try to eat heavy greens and lean protein every day but I often give in to the urges that bring me to unhealthy foods. Eating only healthy foods is a long-term strategy. The last part of life, the long-term end, is the least palatable to me. I know I could eat better, and exercise more, but it does not balance out for me. I don’t want to live long enough to see my body disintegrate. To be clear, I have been watching my body disintegrate for several years now; I do not want to watch my body disintegrate to the point where I cannot perform the physical tasks that bring me joy.

I drink alcohol every day. I rarely drink before 6pm and I usually have two drinks. If I am out with friends, or in a party setting, I have more than two drinks. As I get older these last two scenarios seem to be happening more frequently. When I drink, I try to pace myself. I do not like being drunk. I like a slight buzz, a calming of my mind. I like the taste of alcohol, especially with certain foods. These statements do not change the fact that alcohol is a poison of sorts. It is certainly not needed for any nutritional value. At the end of my life, it will probably be said that I slowly and efficiently poisoned myself. Many of the foods that I ate would also have contributed to this ever so slow suicide and I am sure not having a better exercise regime could be added to the synopsis of my demise. So, I knew that I would die, and I knew how to stave this off as long as possible, and I chose a different route. I enjoyed myself just enough so I could function, the way I wanted to function, until my poisons caught up with me.

I walk an 18 hole golf course at least three times a week. I do a twenty-minute, low impact, work out on three of the days I do not play golf. I try to eat lean meats for most meals with green, leafy vegetables. I try to limit fried food and red meat to once or twice a week. This has worked out for me, a man in his sixtieth year. Perhaps it will change in the next few years but I have very little interest in life as an elderly person. This is what I have chosen. If this lifestyle had caused my death in middle-age, there would have been some regret. I know that there will be those that will say that sixty years old is middle age. These are mostly people who are trying not to die. At thirty you are no longer young. Thirty more years and what changes? You are old. Middle-age is age thirty to sixty. At this juncture in my life, I have no regrets about my physically active but lazy workout life; my moderate drinking but sometimes drinks too much life; my seeks out healthy foods but likes too many fried foods life.

It should be said that I have no children. There is no overriding need to see how this all turns out. I do have nieces and nephews and other relatives that I care about. They will not be unduly taxed by not seeing me as an old man.  Could they benefit from my counsel as the years go on? Could society at large benefit from my knowledge as an elderly person? Possibly, but I have made a substantial effort to record my thoughts and feelings in writings and songs. I don’t think it is incumbent upon me to be around as a barely ambulatory, stammering knowledge bank.

I am married. My wife and I have been a couple for more than twice as long as we were not a couple. I have no real interest in seeing what life would be like without my wife and it is painful to think of my wife being left alone. My solace is that I know she enjoys my company because I live life the way I want to. This is the me she has cared for all this time. 

There are many painful events I have had to deal with by not being an abrupt or less slow suicide person. I will miss out on many enjoyable things by not spending my life trying not to die. This is my attempt at moderation. I sit here in my kitchen, typing on a laptop, knowing that I am healthy enough to go play golf, or my guitar, or spend quality time with my wife. You can ask her what that means. As of this writing I am content with the pacing of my demise.