Five Words

I’m hit with this visceral panic. A feeling of filling up, both heavy and nothing. A fear of the dwindling and the dread of the dark. I’m shrinking down, smaller and smaller, saying less and less. I’m white as a ghost, blank like a sheet. I only know five words. I feel the grabbing; the jeers and the taunts. The quiet that is profoundly loud. I croon out pretty words but all the notes fall flat. I didn’t even know I was performing, I wasn’t given any lines. I only know five words. I wonder who I really am. When the night falls, my skin slides off, and I’m taut and raw. Nothing lays quite right on me. I wonder if I’ve ever been anyone at all. I have nothing to say. I only know five words. What they are really doesn’t matter; what does is what they lack.