It's me, can't you see?

It's me, can't you see? 

It's me with the brown hair,

the brown eyes,

the sincere smile.

It's me, can't you see?

I've been here since the beginning,

and I haven't strayed an inch.

I've fought and lost.

I've fought and lost!

It's me, can't you see!

You need me.

Then you don't.

You want me.

Then you don't.

It's me, but you don't see. 

I've helped you up,

but you've pushed me down.

I've given it all up,

but you never put down.

I've chased you, and now I'm lost.

I've chased you, and now I'm lost!

It's me, why can't you see...

It's not you for me.

Author's Note

I haven't really ever wrote poetry outside of school, so I was kind of just messing around with this one. Let me know what you think!

Reviews

[KCthelastboyscout]

Have you ever helped someone that was weak made them strong again but they left you anyway. This poem reminds me of a song.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Great poem! It reminded me of Everything you want by Verticle Horizon. Loved it.

[Madi Bellon]

The repetition is awesome, and it really enhances the meaning behind your poem. Great job, Deana.

[PaintedBirdy]

hey deana!

i like the flow of this, and how you portray the struggle of the narrator. the repetition of "it's me, can't you see?" emphasizes how long the narrator has been frustrated by not being recognized by this other person, "since the beginning." i interpret 'not being seen' as a frustration from not being validated or appreciated in the relationship with the other person, who appears to also be indecisive about what they want/need. good work!

[Daniel-Andre]

You`ve written this poem is free form, which is noted.

As it comes to the craft, I`ve got to say that I really like it. As far the basics are concerned, I can`t say you had any problems there. There were no grammar mistakes, the sentences had a good flow and you had divided this poem into stanzas. Which is appreciated, makes it visually appealing to the reader. Now, if this was a poem in traditional form, I would`ve complained that you didn`t have any rhymes. But since this is written in free form, I won`t bring that complaint. Y`know, since free form poems aren`t supposed to have rhymes. What I also like, is that there is a clear beginning, middle and end to this poem. Maybe it`s short, but it tells a story which leads to the next paragraph.

Next thing I really liked is the story/message behind it. That someone`s always there for a person, but doesn`t get anything back. Which is relatable, especially for people like me who are too forgiving and kind-hearted. This poem opened my eyes and made me see that, perhaps I should be a little more selfish.

A good read overall, I really enjoyed it. And please, continue writing. That`s the only way to get better! No one can ever stop improving, not even Stephen King himself, even if he doesn`t want to admit it :p

[barleygirl]

You've done a good job of conveying the sense of being there for another person, even when they aren't being there for you. That's a rare quality in a person. I'm in awe of people who can do this & stay cheerful, as this poem appears to be. Your message is very relatable.

[AliciaB]

I like it! The well-used repetition is what makes it most effective for me, especially for the sentences that end with a period the first time and an exclamation point the second. It's little details like that, putting extra emphasis on an already-highlighted idea, that really drives these statements home. The "You do, then you don't" part in the fourth stanza is a great expression of the frustration behind this poem. Nice work, and keep "messing around" with writing - that's how we get better! :)

[Deana Leigh]

thank you so much! I was hoping that someone would catch on with the punctuation.

[Paul Bell]

I can see where you're going with it. We all need and use people. But sometimes that person doesn't know that. Like the poem.