I Reminisce...

Love hurts, especially when it's your best friend.

I reminisce…about the first day we met. August 24, 2002. The moment I trapped you in the tunnel was when I knew one day we would be together. We talked and played every Friday while our friendship flew past the peak of Mt. Everest.

I reminisce…on our fourth grade year, and how we grew morphed from torture buddies into friends.  We would play badminton and soccer, anxious to beat the other. The closer we got, the harder it became to stay mad at you, even when you fractured my wrist.

I reminisce…on that wonderful summer when I got to hand out with you every day. How we got in trouble for throwing dodge balls at each other and Ms. Betsey told us to “kiss and make up”. How we had an apple juice-caprisun fight. How mad I got at you when you didn’t invite me to your birthday party. How I would fall asleep on you while watching movies with the group. How you were always there for me no matter what. How we made up two halves of a whole.

I reminisce…on our fifth grade year-the year of inseparability. From doing jogging club together at Cordova Park to later catching up with the slow runners at the Vickery Center, to sharing a tub of rainbow sherbert, we did everything together. The more my feelings grew for you, the more I got scared. I didn’t understand why I hated seeing you leave or why you would always pop up in my dreams no matter what it was about. I didn’t understand why, while my sixteen-year-old cousin was violating his ten-year-old little cousin, you would always be my hero and come to my rescue in my head. I didn’t understand just why I hated for people to call us a couple so much, but I loved every second of being with you. I loved how your eyes sparkled like the stars when you looked at me. It was like I was someone special to you.

I reminisce…on how sad I was at the banquet because I realized you wouldn’t be by my side, day by day, for our middle school career.

I reminisce…on my lonely sixth grade year. No Destiny. No Miiya. No classes with Brittney. No you. You were always in my thoughts as I hoped to one day see you again, so I could reveal to you all of my unspoken thoughts.

I reminisce…on our late night whisper-filled conversations on the phone, as our friendship once again began to blossom and over Christmas break, I poured out my unspoken thoughts…and those thoughts blossomed into a relationship-the best I could ever hope for.

I reminisce…about how safe and secure I felt knowing you cared about me. About how I felt like the luckiest girl in the world because I had the best guy in the world. About how highly I thought about you and how beneath you I felt.

I reminisce…about when I was pushed toward Shaun and you were pushed toward Kourtney. On how jealous you got, and how much more you thought about me, texted me, and called me.

I reminisce…about best friends with an old flame and great obstacles. Our old flames were formed into new ones just to be extinguished by a watery eighth grade year. About how hurt I was over our break-up and how you didn’t care.

I reminisce…about how I wanted to take everything back and make it right.

I reminisce…about our freshman year. On how relieved my heart felt when I found out we rode the bus together and we had first together…on how broken my heart was and how It dropped when you told me “we” would never be again.

I reminisce…on how bitter and angry I became. On how I tried to find love in ALL of the wrong guys. On how jealous I became when you said you liked Aja. On how you comforted me when I thought Shaun had died. On how you were the ONLY guy I ever allowed to see me cry. The only one I allowed to see me in my natural environment. The only one I let my guard down with completely. The only one my family truly loved. On how we grew far apart to the point of no return.

I reminisce…on our sophomore year. How we built our friendship back up. How we built our trust back up. How you single-handedly tear me down in a single breath. how the look in your eyes shows hatred, regret, and shame whenever you talk to me.

I think about…our junior year and on how bad it’s going to be.

I reminisce…about how much I loved you. about how said it is knowing I will never be the one for you. how you will never be my hero. How I will always love you but you will always hate me.