Poem #1

the repeating surf

the rising tide

the people fall way

when god's collide

the green of nature

the blood of beast

the buried native

as they solemnly speak

of unscathing justice

at the howl of the wolf

a luminous moon

in a sea aloof

the berserkers cry

as their gods die

in a crimson tide

across a red sky

the ocean's to high

the men must die

won't tell the children

an empty good bye

the beasts won't speak

of laws of nature

the inspiration's found

by pitiful creatures

the scorned lame beggar

with empty features

carries a perspective

of a sea much cleaner

through dull hard eyes

a truth is reaped

throwing the scorned

into a pit even deeper

still the gods scream

from their bloody pedestal

still natives cry

from their graves eternal

words still spoken from a crimson sky

taken as sacred

as the beast's love of nature

giving the pitiful no despair

as the beggar

 is hopelessly scorned

 

 

Reviews

[TLK]

I was expecting more sea imagery here. I feel that this poem could have been imbued with more of the rhythm of the sea with a different length of each line. The current lines are all too short to feel like waves breaking against a shore.

However, while the sea is important in this poem, it is not actually entirely about the sea. What it is about is a little hard to fathom. It doesn't give me the feeling of the sea, but at the same time I still can't grasp it intellectually. I have a feeling that it is about colonialism in some respect - e.g. "gods collide " and "still natives cry". It reminds me a little of the Old Testament, where God is described as just one God among many - but, of course, the best God, who will triumph soon.

There is one jarring error ('to high'). What stops me from enjoying this poem is not HOW it is written, but the fact I am not receiving enough meaning from it.