Chapter 3

           When I reached home, my parents rushed to me and asked me where I was. I clenched my fist and without a word, hurried to my room and locked the door behind me. ‘They have no right to ask me anything’, I thought.  I took my phone and called Elaine. I knew she wouldn’t pick up, but still I wanted to let her know that I didn’t give up on her. I kept calling her again and again for hours, when she suddenly picked up and asked, “What is wrong with you? What is your problem?”. I was delighted to hear her voice. It felt like music to my ears. “My problem is that I love you Elaine”, I replied and she hung up. It was so obvious, since she was so angry with me. I sighed and checked the time, 2 o’clock. I took a shower and set out to Elaine’s house.

            I spent lonely days without her, roaming around her house and calling her constantly even though she gave me no positive sign. Whenever I wanted to know about Elaine, I called Raphael and asked her. At first she used to seem disgusted to tell me about Elaine, but as she got to know me better, she began to admire me. We became close friends and she told me everything about Elaine without hesitation. I begged her to advise Elaine not to use drugs and she replied sadly, “I’ll try. Elaine‘s parents and her brother has been trying their best too, but she wouldn’t listen. They don’t even give her cash at all now, but still she seems to have drugs. Maybe there is someone who is giving her drugs for free.” ‘It must be Paul for sure’, I thought.

            I tried calling Paul later that day but he wouldn’t pick up the phone. Hence, I called George and asked about Paul. Unfortunately he didn’t know much about Paul either. Paul was trying to take revenge on me and he was using my weakness for it, Elaine.

            One fine day, Raphael asked me whether it ever occurred to me why Elaine didn’t want to have an abortion. Surprised, I replied, “It’s because she loves me.” “Exactly,” she replied. “Her parents and Steven wanted her to do an abortion as soon as they knew she was pregnant, but she refused. Later, I asked her, ‘Why?’ and she told me that the baby was a sign of the man she loves the most.” I was delighted to hear her say it, but Raphael continued, “However, she told me that she would never forgive him, but don’t worry. If there’s a will, there’s a way. She still loves you without doubt. So as long as you don’t give up on her, there is a chance for you.”

         My hopes sank but it did give me relief. Elaine adored our baby and so, she might stop using drugs if Raphael could advise her about the harm drugs might cause to our baby. Hence I begged Raphael to persuade Elaine about it. Raphael did try, but Elaine’s response was short and simple, ‘It wouldn’t’, and she wouldn’t even let Raphael talk about it any further. I tried several times to get into her house to see her, in case she might melt in front of my eyes. Tired of my attempts, Elaine’s parents hired a watch man and decided upon filing a complaint to the police. Luckily Raphael warned me and I stopped trying to get in her house.

            I spent hours locked up alone in my room, crying silently. I hated drugs more than anything now, but I couldn’t stand the withdrawal symptoms either. I had to use drugs since I felt like I was going to die when the withdrawal symptoms arose. My parents kept worrying about me, and barely left home for the sole purpose of looking after me. My mother cooked my favourite meals and begged me to eat, whilst my father sat beside me and tried to console me. It didn’t help me though, since I didn’t need their love anymore. When I needed their love, they weren’t there for me. It was Elaine who gave me the love I needed and completed me. I wanted Elaine so badly.

            Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. On the morning of December 13^th, Raphael called me and informed me that Elaine was in labour. I was on cloud nine with the great news. Through my tears of happiness, I told my parents about their grandchild and hugged them. They were overjoyed to see me happy and talking to them. For the first time after so long, I felt the real meaning of happiness and felt at ease to be with my parents. After all I was going to be a parent too, at the tender age of 19.

            I rushed to the hospital with my parents. Elaine’s parents were seated in front of labour room and Raphael stood right next to them. Steven kept walking right and left, with his arms behind his back, looking nervous. As soon as he saw me, his footsteps came to a stop and he stared at me with astonishment. I walked towards the labour room but this time, he didn’t try to stop me. My parents came right after me and Elaine’s parents stood up as they saw my parents. A moment passed, everyone staring at each other, without a word. It was the nurse who broke the silence between us. “Who is the father of the baby?” I replied proudly that it was me, and she handed me over a paper to sign. I signed it and she went into the labour room. Yet again, silence prevailed, but this time, Raphael spoke. “Congratulations Brian. It’s a pleasure to see you here.” I thanked her and smiled at Steven. He glared at me and turned away.

            Just then, the nurse came out with the baby, covered in a blanket. An intense feeling of happiness crept over me and I hastened to take the baby in my arms. As the nurse gave me the baby, she told me, “Congratulations! It’s a boy.” Tears of happiness invaded my eyes and my baby slowly opened his eyes and stared at me. He had the same dark blue eyes of Elaine. I was trembling with fear, afraid of his delicacy. However, I managed to give him a kiss on his forehead. He was beautiful, not even a scratch on his tiny face, despite the fact that Elaine had used drugs ever so often. I asked the nurse about Elaine and she replied silently, “She is very weak, but she’ll be okay.” I wasn’t satisfied with her reply. I went towards Steven and handed him my baby. He glared at me, speechless, and took hold of the baby. I smiled at him as my baby nestled his head in his uncle’s elbow.

            I hurried into the labour room to see Elaine and the nurse followed me. Elaine was on the bed with her eyes closed. I sat beside her and took hold of her hand. Elaine opened her eyes wearily and was shocked to see me. Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes and she grasped my hand. I couldn’t stop myself from giving her a hug even though the nurse was right behind me. Embarrassed, the nurse left, leaving us by our selves. I leaned towards Elaine and kissed her forehead. “I love you Elaine”, I whispered to her. She started crying and squeezed my hand tightly, turning away from me. I turned her towards me and looked into her eyes. “Please, I am sorry for lying to you.” Elaine stared at me questioningly for a while and replied, “I’ll give you one last chance, just because now I know how much you love me. I love you too Brian.” I grinned with happiness.

            Elaine was discharged 2 days after delivery, but still she seemed very weak. I was given the permission to enter Elaine’s house anytime I wished. I thanked god, for it was the fruit of my patience. We hashed out a name to call our baby, and finally, we ended up calling him ‘Brad Rowan.’ Elaine was obsessed about little Brad and so was I. We made a perfect family. Eventually, Elaine’s parents gave her permission to marry me once she turned 18. I was impressed. However, Steven decided that before we got married, we should go to a rehabilitation centre and get treatment. Thus, he made all the arrangements to send us to a famous rehabilitation centre abroad.

            However, Brad was merely 2 weeks when Elaine fell sick. She was vomiting a lot and shivering almost all the time. I knew that she was going through withdrawal symptoms since I also had it now and then. However, when I wanted to take her to the doctor, she would refuse, saying that there’s no cure. I didn’t understand how severe her condition was, until one day she fainted and we had to rush her to the hospital. The doctor stated that Elaine was going through withdrawal symptoms and that her condition was serious. “Most probably because she had been using drugs in vast amounts and then stopped using drugs all of a sudden. She was weak anyway after giving birth and it has added up to her sickness, causing severe depression”, he said. Elaine was hospitalized the same day and her treatment was started. However, it didn’t seem to do her any good. I tried my best to cheer her up, but it didn’t help either.

            I spent almost all of my time sitting next to Elaine, trying to comfort her. Her parents were worried about her and so was Steven. I spent my time praying to God, hoping she would get better. On the fifth day in the hospital, I went to the hospital canteen to get her food, leaving her mother by her side. When I returned, I heard Elaine talking to her mother through sobs. “Please mother, look after my little Brad when I die and don’t let him grow up to be like me. Mother, I know I am going to die. I can feel my death coming closer.” I couldn’t endure the pain in my heart when I heard her say those words. I confronted Elaine and through my tears I assured her that I wouldn’t let her go away. Elaine kept staring at me lovingly with her dark blue eyes, which showed me a lot of pain hidden underneath. It pierced my heart to see her so helpless. She meant the world to me and I never wanted to let go of her.

            That night, I thought of doing something which would cheer her up and thus, I asked Raphael for an idea. However, She gave me a confused look and went into deep thinking. At last, I questioned my mother desperately for help. She was overwhelmed with happiness when I talked to her. She gave me a kiss on my forehead and smiled at me. I gave her a quizzical expression and she showed her ring finger to me. She still had the ring my father had given her 20 years back, on their wedding day. I was awe struck to see it after such a long time. I used to pull on her wedding ring when I was a child, and when my mother tried to stop me, I used to cry my lungs out. Recalling those childhood memories didn’t hurt me anymore. Ever since Elaine came into my life, my life has changed, for the best. I thanked my mother and hurried out of the hospital.

            After searching almost half of the city, I found the perfect ring for Elaine. A golden ring with a diamond and 2 cerulean studs. When I raced back to Elaine, she was sitting on the bed, writing something. As soon as she saw me, she put it aside and smiled at me weakly. I bent down on one knee and showed her the ring I bought for her. As she opened her eyes wide in disbelief, I spoke, “Elaine, will you marry me?” She looked into my eyes, but hesitated for a moment. ‘Yes, if God wills.’ finally she answered and I quickly put the ring on her ring finger. She hugged me and began crying. “Why do you love me so much?”, Elaine asked through her tears. “You know why”, I replied happily. “You have given me a reason to live. You have made everything around me seem beautiful. I love you so. Don’t ever leave me again.” Elaine pulled away from me at once and wiped her tears. “I love this ring”, she forced a smile. I didn’t understand why she changed the topic, but assuming she was tired, I didn’t think of asking her.

            I was awake, sitting next to Elaine, talking about the happy memories we had. Elaine kept listening to me, staring at me the whole time. Her eyes wet with tears which she wouldn’t let flow on her rosy cheeks. Finally, I sang her a lullaby and she held my hand tightly, as she slept. ‘Brad looks a lot like Elaine.’ I thought. ‘Those dark blue, almost violet almond eyes and her caramel hair. He’s going to be a carbon copy of his mother’, I smiled as I watched Elaine. I put my hands in my pocket, searching for my phone. It wasn’t there. Just then, Steven came in. He asked me what was wrong, and I replied, “I don’t have my phone. Was thinking about checking on Brad. I must have kept it home.” “Why don’t you go get it? I’ll stay here with Elaine”, Steven replied huskily. I insisted but he wouldn’t take any of it. Ultimately, I had to give up. Steven was stubborn, I concluded. When I agreed at last, he asked me to return as soon as possible, as Elaine would miss my presence. I didn’t know whether he was joking or not, but I knew it was a fact.

            On my ride home, I nearly crashed on to a man crossing the road. Disgusted, I looked up at him angrily. It was Paul, and he was drugged. My anger rose beyond limits when I saw him. I punched him in the face and he fell on to the ground. When he recognized me, he started laughing. ‘He has gone out of his mind’, I thought. I was unable to withstand his laughter and so, I called the police. The police came and examined Paul thoroughly. To my glee, the police discovered 2 drug packets in his cigarette case which had a monogram in its corner, ‘Paul.’ Within an hour, he was dragged to the police car and taken away. I was gratified. ‘Elaine would be glad to know about this’, I thought. I didn’t know it then, but she had already been dead for over an hour.

            I lay quietly on my bed, my gaze still fixed on the photo frame. I don’t know how long I have been gazing at it, but it didn’t help the pain burning inside me. I didn’t want to believe that Elaine would never come back. One way or the other, I was responsible for her death, since I was the reason why she began using drugs in the first place. In addition, I wasn’t even with her when she gave up her last breathe. I deserved to be hated by everyone, and they did. “Brian. Are you okay?”, Raphael stood near my bed, looking at me. Startled, I sat up on my bed and wiped my tears. Raphael gently spoke, “I have a message for you, from Elaine.” I looked up at her. For a moment the words didn’t penetrate, then they flared up in my brain. “From Elaine?” I said doltishly. “But she’s.. she’s.” “I know. Elaine had tucked it underneath her pillow before she died.” Raphael replied and held it towards me. I took it from her quickly. It was a sealed envelope with my name on the back.

            I opened the envelope and pulled out the letter with shaking hands. The faint familiar scent of Elaine came to my nostrils. I closed my eyes. I could feel her right next to me. I opened my eyes and looked at Raphael. “I’ll wait outside”, Raphael said quickly. I shook my head and she went over to the couch and sat down. I began to read Elaine’s letter. Her handwriting was neat and orderly. She must’ve been trying to write this letter when I entered upon her the previous day, since it was dated yesterday.

“My Dearest Brian,

                  Ever since I fell ill I knew that my life was coming to an end. I never wanted to leave you,  but I didn’t have any other choice. My one great hope is that you would stop using drugs, and care for your parents.

                  As for Brad, I want my parents to look after him as their child, in the place I’ve left behind. Somehow, I might be able to compensate for their loss, and give them another try to raise my child on the right path instead of me. I believe you wouldn’t let me down.

                  I know how much you love me and I love you just as much. Just when everything seemed to work out for us, my fate took another direction. You could’ve been the perfect husband for me. You had all the qualities, regard and respect for me and my family. It was your patience which reunited us, and so, I expect you to have patience, for we shall reunite once again at the end of time.

                  The ring you gave me earlier today meant a lot to me, but my greatest regret is that I wouldn’t be able to wear it for long. Against my will, I’ve taken it and sealed it in the envelope, along with this letter. Not that I love you any less, but because I love you so much, that I want you to keep it with you forever, so as to remind you that I’ll always love you, even after death.

                  I cherish our relationship more than I could ever tell. Please make sure our Brad grows up to be a strong man and wouldn’t be lead astray. Tell him that his mother loves him just as much as she loves his father.

                  Please refrain from crying and send prayers upon me. Don’t blame yourself for anything. This was meant to happen anyway. It’d hurt me more when you cry. I love you.

                                       

                          Love,

                         Elaine

 

            Tears gathered in my eyes but I tried my best not to cry. I put my hand into the envelope and took out the ring I gave her. Slowly, I slipped it onto my ring finger and closed my eyes. My eyes hurt from all the tears I had shed that day, but I felt better now. I felt a huge burden off of my shoulders. Elaine had reminded me the fact that I had another reason to live, to face the world. She held no grudge in her heart for how I had treated her before. I just couldn’t comprehend the pain she was trying to hide. All I could remember were her eyes, so smoky blue, almost violet, with the pain twirling in their depths.

             It was an end, but it was also a beginning. The beginning of my life as a brave man. Elaine’s letter cleared all the hatred her family had towards me due to her death. I cant turn back the clock, but I can build a better future from the lessons life has taught me. I knew that it was what Elaine meant and I was determined to do it. I went abroad for treatment and it didn’t take me much long to get back to normal. May be because I had reduced the amount of drug intake ever since Elaine had restricted me to.

            Now I am a responsible father of a 4 year old beautiful son, and a hardworking employee in a private company. Since it was Elaine’s dream to become a successful doctor, now it is my aim to make our little Brad a successful doctor. I care for Elaine’s family as my own and spend my time after work with my little Brad and Elaine. Yes, Elaine. I can always feel her presence with me, especially when I lock up myself in her room and talk to her life size pictures. Elaine’s family didn’t move a thing in Elaine’s room ever since she passed away. I clean her room all by myself everyday and I can hear her talking to me and laughing with me when I talk to her. Finally, Elaine’s family got worried about me and Steven advised me to get married. I clearly refused, for there was no use of it anyway. Since I already had a reason to live, my son.

            I know that I could’ve had a better future with Elaine if it weren’t for drugs. Drugs ruined my life for the worst, but I stood up against it to save Brad’s future. Sadly, when I did it was already too late. Life took away what meant the most to me, just to teach me a lesson. However, now that I have learnt my lesson, I wouldn’t let myself drift away. I’ll hold on to my will till the end, and I shall reunite with Elaine someday. This time, for eternity.