Chapter 1

              It was five-thirty when I reached home. My mother was in the living room, holding my phone tightly in her hand, crying silently. She looked up as I came through the door. “What happened?”, I asked curiously. She forced herself to speak, “It is.. Elaine..” My eyes grew wide. “What do you mean? What happened to her? Tell me!”, I began to feel anxious. My mother began crying again and I sat beside her, repeating my question. She looked into my eyes and turned away. I held her hands tightly and asked her impatiently. Finally, she squeezed my hands and said, “Elaine is dead.”

           “No!” I pulled my hands away from her and stood up. I stared at my mother with disbelief. “Raphael called. Elaine is in the Grand Cemetery”, my mother stood up and held my hand. Tears gathered in my eyes. I tried to speak but my voice didn’t seem to come out. The whole world began to spin around me. I collapsed down on my knees. Eventually, I pushed myself to ask through my tears, “When?”. “Just now”, she said slowly. I closed my eyes and clenched my fist. I had to see Elaine for one last time. I rushed out of the house and my mother called out to my father in panic.

           The cemetery was crowded with people for the funeral of Elaine. Elaine was kept on a table inside the morgue and one by one, they walked around the table to see her face. I ran towards her and stood there, motionless, staring at her small face. Her face was pale and her lips were dry. Her cheeks were barely visible due to her eating disorder. Even though her eyes were closed, I felt like she was staring back at me. I put my head on the table and started crying. Just then, Steven came along with 2 other men and dragged me away from the table. Then, with the help of the two men, he put Elaine gently into the coffin. I ran towards the coffin but then, my parents came just in time and took hold of me. I sat down on the floor, feeling helpless.

           As she was being taken away to a place from where she'd never return, all I could do was hold my head in my hands and cry my eyes out. Tears had replaced the pride in my eyes and I constantly kept shouting out, ''Why Elaine? Why?'', although I knew the answer myself. Everyone kept staring at me with hatred burning in their eyes. No one seemed to care about what I was going through other than my parents. They tried to console me, but as I saw her being buried, I fell unconscious.

           When I opened my eyes, I was on my bed and my parents sat beside me, trying to comfort me. It was not a nightmare I just saw, which would go away with the blink of an eye. It was the reality which would never change no matter what, and I was trying to run away from it. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I softly asked my parents to leave me alone. They looked at me anxiously and I replied, ”Please. I‘ll be okay.” They nodded their head in agreement and left. I gazed at the photo frame on my wall. It was a picture we had taken together on the day Brad was born. She was gone and I was responsible. Somewhere between then and now, I will find the answer why.

            I was just 15 years old when I started using drugs. I didn’t really mean to make it a habit, just thought it would be fun to try but as one thing leads to another, I fell into the ditch. My addiction grew beyond my control and I gave a deaf ear to the advices my parents gave. I dropped out of high school and with that my relationship with my parents grew weaker. They started hating me despite the fact that I was their only child and it was the beginning of my depression. I felt worse than ever and began using drugs more frequently, sometimes just to show them that I didn’t care about them either. It was those lonely days of my life when I first met her.

           When I woke up it was 5 pm, which obviously meant that I had slept for over 13 hours after the intake of drugs. I sat up on my bed and yawned. Living was becoming an obligation and my life was the same as a boat lost in the middle of an ocean. There was a pain in my heart I didn’t seem to understand. May be because my life seemed pointless. My room seemed like it had been struck by a tornado. All my clothes lay on the floor and on my bed. My mother used to clean up my room for me, but now she doesn’t care about me at all. It was up to me to clean up my room or not, and I preferred not to clean it. I was lazy, I admit it. Being pampered all these years and now left all by myself, I felt weak.

            I rubbed the sleep off my eyes and got into the bathroom and washed my face. That’s when I saw myself in the mirror. My curly hair had over grown in the past few months along with my beard and moustache. I touched my beard and thought for a moment. ‘I don‘t look myself at all’. I took a scissor and started trimming my beard and moustache. Of course, I was too lazy to use shaving cream to shave it off. I never really thought trimming was enjoyable, but without my concern I found myself humming a tune. When I realized it, I smiled at myself and carried on humming. I was happy, why fight it? It had been a long time since I felt happy being all by myself. Maybe I am getting used to it now. Being alone in my room, feeling totally isolated from the rest of the world for over 3 years must’ve turned me into a loner.

            I felt like a stranger in my own home. I was someone only when I hanged around with my friends. They were just like me, high school dropouts and drug addicts. Infact, they were the ones who had introduced me into this world I never knew about before. When we needed drugs we’d go rob a house and get money, or steal from our own homes and buy drugs from dealers. I usually steal from my own home so as to avoid more trouble, since being an addict was trouble enough. When my parents lose their money, they obviously know that it would be me who stole it. Hence, they never reports to the police. Even though they don’t care about me now, they have never wanted to send me to jail. If they had, they would’ve sent me already, but they never have. May be because it would lower their reputation in front of the society. Who cares? I knew they had a weakness and I was using it, whatever it was.

            I washed my face and looked up in my mirror. My face looked much cleaner and I was satisfied. I hurried to take a shower and to meet up with my friends. ‘They would be expecting me‘, I thought. I put on a shirt and a baggy jeans which was lying on the floor and rushed outside. I couldn’t have gone a long way when it suddenly began raining. I ran over to the nearest house and found shelter in the garage which was luckily open. I detested rain and getting soaked up was the last thing I was expecting. Just then, someone right behind me asked, “Who are you?”

            Startled, I looked back at once. There stood in front of me, the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on, with her almond eyes a shining dark blue, almost violet. Her cheeks were rosy, lips a pinkish red with her caramel brown hair dancing with the breeze. I stared at her, speechless. She narrowed her eyes and asked again, “Who are you!”. I forced myself to speak at last, ”Brian.. I am Brian Rowan. Who are you?”. She gave me a confused look and replied, “I am Elaine Hortense. You can call me Elaine. Are you looking for someone?”. My mind went blank. ‘What should I say?’, I asked myself. “Yes, I was looking for you. I.. I used to live in your neighbourhood.. When.. When we were kids”, I said what came to my mind.

            She narrowed her eyes yet again and replied, “I don’t remember you though. Maybe I was too small back then to remember. So how are you now?”. I was surprised to see how easily she believed my words. This girl was easily fooled yet strikingly beautiful. ‘It would be fun to play with her‘, I thought. Hence I began talking to her as if I knew her very well. I told her how much fun we had had when we were kids and she actually thought she could remember some of it. ‘Silly girl’, I thought. Rain stopped and it was time for me to go. “Friends must keep in touch. Would you mind giving me your number?”, I asked quickly, making use of the chance. She seemed to waffle but luckily gave me her number after making me promise I wouldn’t give it to anyone. I was pleased with myself for being so clever.

           When I reached the spot where I normally meet up with my friends, they were waiting for me. I gave them a high five and told them about Elaine. “That silly girl believed every single thing I told her. A beautiful fool indeed,” I laughed. My friends laughed along and Paul shouted out, ”Hey Brian! Take that further, you know, just play with her“, He winked. I looked at him and an evil smile escaped my lips.

            Later that night I called her but she didn’t pick up the phone. I had to try several times before she picked it up at last. “Hello”, she said in a sleepy voice. I made use of the chance and asked her, “How are you dear? Lets go out for a coffee tomorrow.” “I am sorry but my parents wouldn’t allow me to go out with a boy. Anyway I have school tomorrow”, she replied. “When do you have school? Which school are you in?” I asked quickly. “I have school from 9 am to 2 pm. I am from Red Wood Junior High. How about you?”, she asked with concern. I went blank. I didn’t like where this talk was heading. Dropping out of school was the main reason why I am having such a bitter relation with my parents. “I’ll meet you tomorrow afternoon near Red Wood Junior High, see you there”, I replied and ended the call without waiting for her to reply.

           The sun gave rise to a new day and when I woke up it was already 1:30 pm. I hastened to get ready, taking a quick shower and putting on the best clothes I had. When I reached Red Wood Junior High, it was 2:10 pm but Elaine was there, all by herself, most probably waiting for me. I ran to her and apologized for being late. She smiled and said, ”It is okay. So why’d you want to meet me?”. I scratched my head and replied, ”To give you a ride home on my bike”. She refused at once but when I started pleading she agreed at last. On the way home she told me a great deal about her, that she was the only daughter of her parents and that she had only one brother. Her favourite colour being red and her favourite ice cream being chocolate ice cream. When I left her after dropping her home, I had a headache. She was really crazy, I concluded.

         I called Elaine later that night and this time she picked up as if she was expecting my call. She seemed very happy when she talked, laughing a lot. Yet again she started talking about her likes and dislikes, which bored the hell out of me. I changed the topic at once, by asking her whether she had a boyfriend. She stopped talking at once and without giving me an answer, she asked, “Why? What happened?”. I laughed and replied, “I like you”. She laughed and replied that she likes me too, but when I asked her out, she didn’t say anything for a while and said, “I have school tomorrow. Bye for now”, and hung up. She may be silly but she was hard to get, I admitted.

            Ever since then I called her regularly every night and went to pick her up from school everyday. When she requested not to come to pick her up ever so often, I went to pick her up only when she gave me permission when we talked on phone. We became good friends but whenever I told her that I liked her, she would ignore it and either start talking about something else or hang up if we were talking on phone.

            One day, I went to pick her up from school and on the way I told her that I liked her. She bit her lower lip and said, “I am hungry. Are you?”. With that I went out of control. I turned her towards me and asked her what was wrong with her. She lowered her gaze without a word. “Trust me Elaine, tell me why you wouldn’t say a thing about it”. She moved her lips as if to say something, and stopped. I asked again and this time she looked at me and said,” I like you too, but.. My parents wouldn’t allow me to talk to a boy in that way”. There was hurt in her eyes which I couldn’t read myself. “Elaine, forget it. If you like me then no one who can stop us from being together. Trust me, I’ll always be there for you”, I replied, even though I wasn’t being frank about it. “Really? She replied with a glimpse of hope in her eyes. “Really”, I replied and she was caught in my trap.

            From that day onwards our relationship flourished and we began meeting secretly. She’d lie to her parents as I tell her to and meet me behind her house, from where we’d ride on my bike to my home. My parents are rarely home, always busy at work. It gave me more chances to do whatever I wanted. The first few weeks I didn’t even touch her, we’d watch movies together and I’d drop her home. One way or the other I was afraid of her innocence but with my friends encouragement, I tried to take our relationship one step further.

           We were watching a movie in my sitting room when I held her hand and drew her closer to me. Her eyes grew wide open and she pulled away from me quickly, petrified. I tried to calm her down and console her that it was okay, but she wouldn’t listen. At last she ran out of my house. I rushed after her and held her hand. She tried to pull away but I didn’t let go. At last she started crying. I never imagined things to go this far. I apologized and let go off her hand. She looked into my eyes, and walked away. “Please, let me drop you home“, I asked her but she kept on walking. Again I confronted her and apologized. Finally, she looked up into my eyes and said, “I forgive you, please.. let me go“. I stepped aside, my eyes still fixed on hers, and she slowly walked away.

           The next day, I told my friends about what happened the previous night and they laughed at me. “You let her just walk away? You are a coward!“, Jack shouted out at me. “Yes he is a coward”, Paul agreed with Jack. I felt sick to the stomach. “I didn’t want to force her to do anything she didn’t want to do and that’s the exact reason why I let her walk away”, I shouted out. ”You fell in love with her?”, Paul teased. “No! I just didn’t want to trap myself in a rape case and go to jail!”, I shouted out in reply, shaking with anger. “Oh really? What if she is willing to do whatever you wish? You wouldn’t step back?”, George asked and I nodded in agreement. “Okay, here’s the plan. You put drugs in a glass of juice and give it to her. Then see how she refuses you. Even then if you are unable to take your relation one step further, we‘d know for sure you are a coward.” George gave me a wicked smile and I replied, “Fine.”

            I went home and called Elaine. She didn’t pick up. I called yet again and this time, she picked up and said hello. “Elaine, I am sorry, aren’t we meeting tonight? Are you angry because of what happened last night? Please, you forgave me didn’t you?”, I asked her quickly. After a moment of silence, Elaine spoke, “I did. I’ll be waiting behind my house, but don’t break my trust”, and ended the call. I was overjoyed. I picked her up and we went to my house and watched movies as usual. I thought of the plan George told me, but decided that it was too early, since she was still uncomfortable with me. However, when I dropped her home later that night, she seemed happy and smiling. ‘Tomorrow’, I decided.

             I made a glass of juice for her myself the next day and put drugs in it before I went to pick her up. While watching the movie, I gave her the glass of juice and she sipped on it, drowned in the suspense of the movie. It didn’t take much long for her to feel dizzy and loose her senses. ‘Mission accomplished’, I thought. I took her in my arms and into my room. This time, she didn’t refuse.

            When I woke up, Elaine was next to me, crying silently. She was back to her senses and was regretting what had happened between us. I tried to comfort her but she wouldn’t listen. “I want to go home”, she said in a feeble voice. I called a taxi and told her that I’d call her. Without a word she wiped her tears and went home. When she left I took a shower and called my friends. I was proud of what I had done and my friends had to know that I was brave. When I told them about it, they told me that I was becoming a man. I was delighted.

            Before I could call Elaine later that day, she called me. I picked up the phone and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she replied, ”My parents are angry since I came home late last night. They wouldn’t even speak to me”. I got a headache at once. “So you must be angry with me?”, I asked her, confused about what to say. “No! I love you Brian! I just want to make sure that you’ll always be there for me, to support me. Otherwise everything I am doing for you would mean nothing at the end”, She replied. I was surprised to hear her say that she loved me. “Elaine.. Of course I will always be there for you”, I replied, confused about what to say yet again. “I want to meet you. Now my parents wouldn’t allow me to go anywhere other than school. So I’d pretend to go to school tomorrow and head to your home if you don’t mind”, she told me huskily. I could barely say yes when she hung up, as if she was just waiting to hear that ‘yes’ from me.

            I was waiting in my front yard when she came with her backpack in her school uniform. I took the backpack and took her inside my house. Without a word she headed towards my room and I followed her. She looked into my eyes and asked me, “What did you put in my glass of juice yesterday?”. I went blank. She repeated her question and I couldn’t help myself from telling her, ”Drugs”. She sat on my bed and started crying. ”Why’d you do that to me? Don’t you love me?”, she asked me with her eyes narrowed, tears running down her rosy cheeks. I didn’t know what to say. I kept staring at her without a word. She stood up and hugged me. “I love you no matter what.. Please don’t leave me.. Ever”, she begged. “I wont”, I replied instantly, but I wasn’t sure whether I meant it or not. She pulled away from me and wiped away her tears. “You take drugs? Please don’t, please stop it.. For my sake.” There was the same pain in her eyes I’ve seen before but this time even more severe. A ‘yes’ escaped my lips even though I didn’t mean it and I pulled her closer to me. This time, even though she wasn’t drugged, she didn’t refuse.

           That day onwards we began meeting on her school hours. She’d get ready for school with almost nothing in her backpack and wait for me in front of the school, from where I pick her up in my bike and take her to my home. When school hours are over, I’d drop her nearby to her house and she’d walk home alone, pretending to return from school. Life was going great with her by my side and for a moment I felt like I had really fallen in love with her. She was sacrificing everything for me, cared for me and made me feel on top of the world. I got all the love I needed from her. She made up for the love I was missing from my parents.

           Whenever she came to my house, she’d clean up my room, and sometimes even wash my clothes. It was funny to see her do all that in her school uniform. I’d tease her but she would ignore me. I never asked for anything from her, but she gave me everything I needed. She never asked for anything in return either and I barely gave her anything. However, she loved me more and more each day. I knew it. However, I couldn’t stop the habit of using drugs and was afraid she might know it. Unfortunately, it didn’t take much long for her to find out. She called me one day when I was drugged and I could barely speak since I was feeling drowsy. My mind was totally blank and I was just able to make weird sounds. “Are you drugged?”, she asked and I kept on making sounds. She realized that I was and told me she’d never speak to me again.