Where am I heading?

What I don't seem to understand,
the position in what I really am.
Keeping it from my self righteous path.
No blood writing to define the epitaph.

No relationship with God or Lucifer.
Its like I am a living hidden wager.
Will they still save a empty plate for me?
Wide open for these blind eyes to see.

The end of this beginning is moving too slow.
Questioning the sum of the grave every day just wanting to know.
Unanswered riddles while time through the hourglass is on a merciless run.
When judgement day is behind the conjured light of the sun.

Cannot deny it, cannot outsmart it.
Just didn't want to believe in an opening of this seat.
Where am I heading now that the question has been drinking my mind?
Unirest and divide this notion before it slips into smaller ankerments of its kind.