chapter 1-7

Birds on crucifix


Chapter 1


Morning dusted off from sky with a little hint of rain . I always walked down this road and I can't help but notice the crucifix on the church at right side of the road. There nested two pair of birds , I guess both were in love. Because every time I saw them, both were together close to each other . For all I know that was they were happy and I felt good looking at them . But my real happiness , my love , my life sat at the side of the church,on a bench . Beautiful,Elegant and a nature lover she was it didn't took a genius to figure it out . I didn't even know her name then but I felt connected to her. The first time I saw her , was sit
ting on the bench same routine of hers , admiring the works of god's. She was sketching , more like figuring out how to capture the exact scene in front of her eyes . And all I could do was stare and give a quick smile while she looked back at me never even bothering to wait for a response and walked ahead . I was shy , I didn't have courage to walk up to her and sit by her side . The art on how to approach and to communicate with a woman was unknown to me and on top of that this one was most beautiful one I ever witnessed in my entire life . Until today , I mustered up the courage to go and talk to her . Boasting about my appearance helped me with it . Women prefer tall men , men with nice lean body and good posture . Who walk straight with confidence . Not in the position to forget it I walked to her just like rehearsed previous the night before .

Chapter 2



“Weather's beautiful today , ain't it ?”
I asked her as I approach her slowly and hesitantly , trying just not to mess up.
“Weather's always beautiful we just need to look at it that way “ she replied with a hint of smile . All I could do was smile back
“ So I can see you are drawing , what is it ?”
She sighed a little and said “The church , the crucifix , the trees”
“ Well ,can I see it ?”
Her drawings was as beautiful as she was,
Capturing every inch of the scenario in just one page.
“So much for a person you are.”
“What ?” She asked despite knowing what I meant
Nonetheless I replied just so the conversation could continue
“I meant you draw really good.”
“Thank you . It's what I do after all”
“Ahhan,I should have known.”
I didn't know what to say .
“I am such a fool , should have asked it before .what’s your name ?”
Trying to fill in the awkward silence that came in between .
“isla . Isla white.”
“Should have known it, name as beautiful as the woman herself “ I tried to compliment herself still with summoning all of Romeo in me.
“You know , you are too much “ she laughed while she spoke .
“By the way I am Harold Hill . Nice to meet you “
“Can I sit, please . “ I said hesitantly before she could even reply
“Ye…… yes , of course . “
I sat down on the bench can not helping but feel a feeling of accomplishment, after all that's all I wanted for quite some time.
“Ok Harry first step cleared . “ I silently said inside.
“So,what do you do ?” She asked waking me up from my delusion
“Ah… nothing fancy just a regular office worker “
“ So you too are caught up in this never ending cycle of world"
I realised what she meant
“Quite a idealistic you are “ I replied sarcastically
“ Nah , I am just trying look world with a different view , just trying to achieve what I want “ she paused for a second and looked down at her shoes and then backing up , smiling .
“just so I can live happily while I still can.”


Chapter 3

“You see now , that's why I don't believe in God .” I almost screamed after all I was still a stranger to her .
“God has nothing to do this , harrold ohh sorry , Harry . It just ought to happen and it did “ isla replied calmly . “You
say that you don't believe in God . Why is that “
“ Because there's no reason to believe .
Do you seriously think that Someone is up there watching you . I mean if think you’ll actually find it funny . “ I replied immediately , agitated I was .
“Who said god is above that's just human fantasy the real presence of God is in your heart and soul . “ She broke of a moment and laughed a little . “Sorry , if I am being too much of a priest .” But all I wanted was to listen to her .No no , not all , go on . “ “ Nah , I just want say is that a stone can be a god as long as you believe it is . “ Umm ….. I don't what to say but sure do believe in love “ changing the topic and in hope to give slightest of hint , I said . “ Ahhhh love , not familiar with it for a long time now . The only living things I have loved for some time are just not human . “ “Nature ? “ I presumed .” Yeah the trees , squirrels , leaves and not to forget this very own bench and this church . I believe that loving these things are better than loving someone . “ “ Why is that ? “ “ Because they don't betray you . “

I only had started talking to Isla but I realised that the things that happened her in the past were so disheartening , and she still suffers from it's ghosts but still she looks like the happiest woman in the whole world . It might be her smile , like none other . She might use it to paint up everything inside of her or to brush off the things she wanted to forget .

“ I know what you are thinking . “ She said while looking at the tree . “I am suffering from cancer and I looked at her straight to her face . “ Which stage ? “
“ 3rd . “ She replied immediately .
“So…”
“So yeah , I have quite a short time to live. “ she said before even before I could reply

Chapter 4

For me , I thought god hinders with natural beauty . The crucifix on the top of of the church blocked some amount of sunlight which could have fallen down and blended with the autumn leaves above and on the ground and that would be so pleasant to watch .
“But what about that very same tiny amount of sunlight that passes through the edges of the crucifix which stands before the back and grey clouds . Now that's a sight to see . “ I recalled every single word she spoke .
I only managed to ask her “ Can we meet tomorrow , here , just talk about the random stuffs . Only if you aren't busy .
And she said that it was all right .

“ She is dead . “ I thought as I lay on my bed.” Why fall for her ? “
But her smile , beneath her light brown eyes , it was the most beautiful thing I have I have witnessed. Maybe I can give her what she wants . “ Love . “ The word came out of my mouth as a result of outburst of mixed feeling inside my head.
“ I'll confess to her tomorrow . What could even go wrong . She might say yes . All I want for now is to be with Isla .

The walk from home to the garden today is filled with anxiety . “ Yeah , sure I'll meet you here owing to the fact that I don't have much to do these day . “
These were the only words of insurance to me and my walk .
“ She'll be there today , she said she will be . “ I murmured . “You'll tell about your feelings towards her , Harry . “ The voice inside of my head commanded . “ No I won't , it was too early . I talked her yesterday she doesn't even know me properly . “ But then how much time she had left .
The church came into view , of course , with crucifix glancing over it's head . The birds , on it started chirping as I approached closer like announcing my arrival to Isla , I laughed at it . As I came closer towards the park .
The bench was there , the trees , the leaves and even the sun. But she wasn't .
It was the time she is around here ; early morning . So I sat on the bench and I waited but no one came .
“ You're a fool , Harold hill . “ Sai I
As I stood up from the bench and started walking back to the road towards my home when I heard from along the side of the road where the church . “ Harrold . “ It was Isla
She approached close . “ I told you it's Harry . “ I insisted politely .
“ Yeah , Harry sorry . “
“ You came here before me ? “ I asked
“Yes , I was in the church . “
“ Want something from God ? “ i asked almost in a sarcastic tone
“ Yes , my life . “
She said it with a bright smile as if wishing for a jewelry or something from the almighty . And I , was speechless still . I didn't know what words to chose and what not to . Changing the topic quickly .
“ So shall we ? “ I requested raising my hand towards the bench .
“ Yeah sure . “ She replied ever so kindly
I don't know what made her come today and what even made her talk to me ; a complete stranger , in such a way that I was not unknown to her .
I gestured her to sit first .
“ Ladies first . “
“ So where were we ? “ She asked
“ Isla , I need to talk to you about something . “ I said to her as if I was going to scold her .
“ What is it ? “ She asked in such a innocent way .
“ Look, it may come as a shock in your condition . But I wanted to tell you this from a long time …… “
“ You like me , Harry. ? “ She asked firmly before I could even complete .
“ How do you know ? “ I asked ever so confused
She smiled a little . “ Your eyes tell . “
“ You're a witch . “ I joked , being the one who never misses a chance .
She laughed for sometime and I laughed with her just to support her laughter and my joke . The she said immediately changing her expression from laughter to seriousness .
“ Are you a fool Harry ? Trying to make a relationship with a dead woman ? “
“ I don't know , I wanted to tell this from a while now . “
“ How much ? “
I looked down trying not to look her in the eyes . “ Four months .”
“ My god Harry ! four months . What took you so long .” She bursted
“ I didn't know what to say to you . I couldn't bring myself to you . “
“ We could have more time . Look , Harry , I don't know you are a nice man but you are aware of my cancer . In two weeks I'll be having my chemo , I'll go bald . Would you still commit yourself to me ? Would you ? “ she demanded .
“ I would . “ I replied in a calm but bold tone
She fixed her stare from me to the crucifix . She took sometime , looked down at me . “ Meet me here tomorrow , I can't decide all of a sudden . I need sometime . I mean you just came in my life just now , Harry . “
It was silence after that between us after that . The only things that spoke were wind with leaves and bids on the crucifix .
“ I should better leave now “ she said .
“ Yeah , see you tomorrow then ? “
“ Yeah “ she replied without looking in my direction , stood up and walked away with her pages and pencils . I never wanted to leave the bench so i stayed and stared the crucifix . Somehow i felt jealous looking at them , they were so happy together . Why couldn't we be ?

The night came eventually . I never left the bench i didn't feel like going home . The felt bench was more comforting than home this night . “ Tomorrow when I'll wake up I might be the luckiest man in the world or just a partner to the woman who sits on this bench or maybe not even one of them . “ Thinking this I went to sleep for the night .

Chapter 5

I only heard it faintly at first . “ Hey , Harry . “ She said . “ Hey are you ok ? “
I eye opened my eyes and then squinted them because of sun .
“ Umm…. Yeah I'm alright . “
“ Did you sleep here ? “
I looked around me for a moment realising my condition .
“ I guess so . “ with a chuckle i said
She laughed . “ I can't believe you right now . “
Today is the day she tells that weather she does or does not . She sat down besides me .
“ So I came up with an answer . It took away my sleep for sometime for last night but i did . “
“ Isla , look , i don't want this to be hard for you . I just wanted tell how I feel about you . “ i tried to be more sensible and understanding although inside I just wanted her to say yes .
“ It's a no,Harry . It's a no . I don't want to ruin your life . I only have a little of time left and after i am gone i don't want you cry over me . I don't want to bring you sorrow . I hope you understand me , Harry .
The little part of soil below me got soaked with a Teardrop . I just simply replied
“ I understand you completely . “

“ It's about time , eh , Harry ? “ Josh asked .
“ Yeah I have to visit some place I haven't visited in a while now . “

Josh is my co worker . Shared the same beat down life like I did . He sat to the work table next to and was a good hindrance to the phase I was going through in the past .

“ Which place ? “ he asked under the papers .
“ Just some place . “ I replied hoping he will be satisfied by the reply .

I finally understood what Isla told me . For sometime after her denial I was angry with her . I started taking a different route from home to work . I wanted to avoid her . All i could think was that she was sitting on the bench like always . Until when i started to move on in the life without even realising how much time had passed . It almost four months that I see Isla . The relation of two friends sitting , enjoying and talking about life in a tiny but beautiful atmosphere that confined us wasn't bad either .

“ Ok , Josh , I'll be leaving now . See you tomorrow . “ I said him while packing up my bag . I walked out the office , nervous and happy at the same time . Nervous , because it was first time in months I'll see her . Happy , because i finally had brain to understand what she meant and to move on in life .

I reached the start of the all so familiar road . It was about approximately one mile till the church comes in view hiding behind the few tall Jack pine trees .

The season with the clouds and little sun was gone . Now , you could feel dry leaves below you . The sky above was blue with white patches scattered all around just like a school of hakes in deep a ocean floor . Though the crucifix had lost its original beauty ; the grey clouds covering it's behind and little ounce of sun that falls through it's edges then drops all around the bench and the tree , it still was beautiful . Now you could clearly see the birds that sat on it . They were only pigeons but they were still beautiful . Maybe it was the scenario they were set in . ​ The the scenario included the bench too , the tree shadowing it and the garden . It was perfect then and it's perfect now but the only thing which was missing was the person that sat on the bench .

Chapter 6

I sat on the bench . Though it had been a while the comfort felt the same . The grass had grown a bit now , it reached your knees when you sit . Even the branch above was reaching towards the bench as a hand of the tree to grab me and never let go . To punish me of what I did to the place and to Isla . I looked around a bit more , to the road , to the church , to my behind in hope that she would come out from any of these . When suddenly my eyes dropped on the other arm of the bench , something​ was written on it , something in greyish or in blackish colour . I hoped that it wasn't I was thinking .
Harry , if by any chance you see this note , this is Isla . Sorry for the writing I had to fit it in a tiny space . I hope you would forget me . I loved our time together in this place and I would never forget it . I just wanted to tell you that the times we had were one of the happiest one's in my life . Thank you for everything , for your time , for your jokes and your love . I'll still be waiting for you , my friend .

The note covered a lot of portion of this portion of the bench the portion where I sat . Just below the note was the child like sketch of two faces . It was as clear as the sky above . All the time I was away she sat here, waiting . She thought it was for the best that our relationship remains the same , just two friends , that i wasn't that naive to understand what she felt and saw into the future . She was waiting for me .
The head tilted from the bench to the ground in shame and guilt as I felt both . I don't know what happened to her , she might be gone for good for all I can think . She might be in a coma , fighting life and death in a hospital somewhere or she might come tomorrow because she is too tired to get up from her bed . She told once in our evening visiting .
“ I always hope for the best , Harry . This is the only way I am fighting cancer . “
This popped up in me suddenly . She is too strong for a disease to kill her . She is
Living .
This is what I hope , that what she wrote , she meant . I got up from the bench and I walked away in hope to see her tomorrow sitting on the bench like always .

Chapter 7

The sun is shooting me through the window of my room like giving a signal to wake up . I have to wake up early today
. I pulled myself up from the bed and went on a shower , the warm water sprinkling reminded me of sunlight that pour on me on that bench . The constant dripping of water was relaxing and I bet that I could stay in the bathroom forever but it wasn't time for that .
I made myself a quick breakfast and coffee , ate it as fast as I could and in the process , burned my tongue . The walk from my house to the church garden was same as always ; same faces on my way to it , same buildings and same animals but a little faster and filled a bit with excitement and nervousness .
“ Ok Harry you're getting close , she is right there waiting for you . Don't be afraid she won't eat for leaving you . “
The comfort was much needed cause the feeling of nervousness grew bolder and bolder as I approached the church .

The woman sitting on the bench was definitely Isla , there was no mistaking it.
The white skin , a little pale . The same pose in which she always sat . But hair , they were missing . And still when she saw me , smiled . “ What took you so long , Harry ? “ And asked carefreely .

The smile slowly shrunk and she asked
Raising her eyebrows . “ My hair ? I had chemo , so I had to happen . “
“ I am sorry Isla . “ Stumbling , I said . A tear rolled down my cheeks .
“ You know , Harry I am not angry with you of you leaving , after all we were still strangers but it's about you lying . You promised me that we will still be friends after all that happened . You could have told of how you felt exactly . “
“ I am so sorry , Isla . I was stupid back then , I was . But now I have really moved on in life . I didn't know what to do
. “ With a gap and a swallow . “ I was angry with you , i know it's so stupid but I started thinking about it and eventually it was too much for me and I wanted to forget it and so I thought that if I stopped keep coming to this place , if I stopped seeing you it'll be over and forgotten . But I was wrong , i realised it . “ The cheeks now became soaked with a few tear droplets .
I bend over to her , “ look , I know how you felt but if you could , please forgive me . “
“ Are you sure ? “
“ I am . “
“ Ok , Harry I forgive you . “
I was dumbfounded . How could someone forgive a person just like that , after what I did .
“ Just like that ? “
“ What you want me not to ? “
“ No ! “ I said jumping up .
She laughed the same laugh she always did . “ I have no time to fight around with people , especially my friends . “
“ So , may I sit please , madam ? “
“ Of course you can , sir . “
“ You want to come over my house sometime , Harry ? For a tea or a coffee maybe . “ She asked
“ Of course , I would love to . “
“ So let's go . “
“ Now , I mean you said sometime . “
“ Yeah , but let's make that sometime to now . “
We stood up from the bench and walked over to the road , not even a single person on it , as always .
“ My house is only a few blocks away . Where do you live ? “
“ It's completely opposite side of the road . Maybe someday you could come to mine for a tea or a coffee . “
“ You bet I will . “ she replied
There was silence for sometime with only sound of her medium height heel meeting the ground to fit in .
“ Doesn't it bother you at least a bit , your hair ? “ I hesitantly asked her gesturing towards her head .
“ My hair ? Nope . I was ought to happen someday or another . The fact that it happened now doesn't change anything . “.
“ Wait . “ She reached towards her bag with long paper attached to the supporting board sticking out . And pulled a hat . She wore it .
“ Here , this would be more comforting for you to watch . “

Her house was not a long walk from our
similar destination . Well not a house , a rented one and a small one .
“ So , this is the place you live . “
“ Yeah , it's not big but it's my happy place , the one I find peace besides the park . It's on second floor . “
We climbed up to the second floor and entered a dark alley .
“ Mine’s second from the end . “
The light entering from the entrance of the alley blended into darkness at the end .
“ It's a bit dark here , ain't it ? “
She didn't reply and instead fiddled with lock and opened it . The door opened with a sudden strike of sunlight .
“ How about now ? “ She asked
The room was sure brightly lit . It was small with a center table in the first view when you enter . The room itself occupied the most of the space . Two rooms were attached to it on either side .

“ So is it tea or is it coffee ? “
“ Coffee , please . “
“ Please sit down . “ She insisted
And went to left tiny room attached to the main big room .
The room was beautiful just like it's owner . Tiny it maybe but had a constant fragrance . The components of the room were well arranged . My examination of the room was disturbed by her voice calling .
“ Here it is . “
She served the coffee mug on the table in front of me and made herself sit at the other end of mine .
“ It's smelling good . “
“ Thank you . But l am very familiar with this compliment “ she laughed , teasing me .

“ Still , how could she forgive me and forget it all ? “

The walk home was not long enough , most of my time was spent thinking about her . Her and her stupidness that only she could understand .