Harry Pendleton and the Portal to Canada

A boy runs into a hell hound and finds out something about himself.

I didn't see this day going this way, playing the world's deadliest game of pickle with this thing, this creature. What was it? A giant-a*s wolf with tiny wings and mange, a hellhound? That’s what it was, freaking Cerberus’ little cousin. Here it was and gunning for me. Scars ran all over its body like it had been in a scrap or two or three hundred. Ain’t no way for me to win in a straight fight. Its fur black almost, vanta black. It gave the illusion he wasn’t there. Like he was too real like some of those fancy TVs I had seen.  What was I going to do? I was in this open field with the rushing waters of a canal on the right and this beast in front of me.  The damn thing jumped out of the canal so that’s a no-go. I can see it now, I jump in and there are five more of these things to devour me while I drown double death. I can hear my father at my funeral.

"Here lies my son, Harry Pendleton. One year away from graduating high school, took a shortcut home, and died. Let this be a lesson to a lot of you. There are no shortcuts in life."

He had to turn everything into a giant life lesson, with four hours of lecturing in a low-key voice. He thought it made it more effective. It made it more sleep-inducing. 

The canal was out and running through the field was my only option. I zigged and the creature zigged with me. I zagged and it zigged and it was still in front. I even meandered then zagged and topped it off with a pirouette. It opened its mouth wider revealing another row of teeth, like a shark. My skin shivered as I imagined it ripping through my flesh. Did I taste like pork? Had it even tasted pork or human before? The weird s**t that goes through your mind when you are about to die. 

I tried another zig, zag with a fancy zag in the end and there the creature was, just a little bit closer. It was toying with me, playing with its food before it devoured my soft insides. I hoped it choked my bones. Better yet, it would take one bite and find I'm too boney and let me go on my merry way hurt, but alive. I stepped back and the beast stepped closer. Its eyes were wild and red with determination. With all my efforts of evasion failing, I closed my eyes and let out what I thought was my last breath. Waited, waited for the creature to pounce. Waited for the beast to perform an unscheduled intestinalectomy and other ectomies with his unclean claws. One second passed, then another and another. It couldn't take more than a quarter of a second for it to have pounced and gutted me. I opened one eye, then another. It was sitting. Sitting and it had something in its mouth. A stick, a freaking stick. The creature dropped the stick and nudged it towards me. Its tongue was out, panting and it was smiling? This thing that was about to devour me like Garfield scarfs lasagna, was now my friend? 

"Do, do you want me to throw it?" 

The creature nodded.

"Did you just nod?"

The creature crossed its eyes, nodded again and pushed the stick closer. Did this thing just get annoyed at me? I slowly reached for the stick and had the unsettling realization that my hand was shaking. It wasn't just my hand but my entire arm. It wasn't just my but my entire body. It was just a little bit ago that I had resigned myself to a closed casket funeral. 

I moved the stick and the eyes of the creature moved along with it. Its mangy tail even wagged, sweeping the dirt around its butt. The tiny wings on its back fluttered with such excitement I thought it would take off like some crazy dog hummingbird fiasco from the Island of Dr. Moreau.

I whipped the stick towards the sky. It's all in the wrist. The creature barked happily and flew off. So it could fly. I don't know what happened, but I'm glad it did. 

"Damn mutt, worst guard dog ever," a gruff voice said behind me. 

I jumped back and clutched my chest. If I wasn't shaking enough already, this compounded my adrenaline. My knees buckled and in front of me was none other than Gandalf the Grey. The hat, the robe the whole shebang.

"Please sir, I have no idea what's going on, please don't kill me or turn me into anything unnatural." 

The man laughed.

"Stand up boyo. There's nothing to be afraid of. That poor excuse for a guard dog, Jim, wasn't going to hurt you. He just looks scary, but all he wants you to do is throw that damn stick.."

I stood up, “Where did you come from kind and great wizard?”

He waved his hand behind him and it shimmered and turned translucent.

"What is that is that a portal, gateway, door, Mellon? Is it open now? Can I go? Where does it go? Middle Earth? Narnia? Hogwarts," I said.

He shook his head. "No, no. Nothing like that. It actually goes to Vancouver."

"Canada,” I asked. Out of all the places he could have said, I was not expecting that. I actually would have believed Duckburg more than Vancouver.

"I live in Vancouver but I come to Arizona during the winter. I don't like the snow," he said.

"Of course, that makes sense." In actuality, this made about as much sense as taking a s**t in a dishwasher. I mean here I was, taking a shortcut home, got attacked by Lassie the Hellhound, who just wanted to play apparently, and now I'm talking to Dumbledore who's a snowbird from Canada. 

"Well, where are my manners. My name is-"

"Gandalf? Dumbledore? Merlin?" I quickly named off all the wizards and magicians I could think of. "David Copperfield?"

"Stop, stop, stop, why would you think I'm any of those people?"

I pointed at his clothes.

"Oh, this thing? I was just at a costume party at work. Gandalf the Grey. Last year, I was-"

"Saruman? Gandalf the White?"

"Boy, if you interrupt me one more time, I will turn you into something.... Unnatural."

I looked down, "I'm sorry."

"But you're right, I was Saruman." He waved his hand, muttered something and his beard disappeared and his clothes changed to a nice blue suit with a red tie. He looked like a banker or the guy that does my dad's taxes.

"My name is Kevin," he said.

"My name is Harry-"

"Potter? Henderson? See? How do you like," he said.

I sighed. "It doesn't feel good." I was 20% embarrassed, 70% scared, and 10% excited or maybe 40% embarrassed 99% scared, and 150% excited. A quick way to another place at my fingertips. I reveled at all the things I could do. Mainly crazy Tic Tok videos where people argue about how I did the trick.

"So this door or portal or whatever to travel to Vancouver? Can I use it," I said. 

"No, only wizards can use the doorways," he said and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry but I have to erase your memory." Before I could object, he twiddled his fingers and muttered another phrase.

"Was that it? I don't feel anything," I said.

"Oh crap, you're a......"

My eyes widened and I grinned like it was Christmas day and I wasn’t going to shoot my eye out. I knew what he was going to say. I twirled my fingers in the go-on motion. "You know what line you have to say now right?”."

Kevin sighed. "You're a wizard, Harry."

"Come on now, with more oomph."

He leaned in close and with the same inflection and voice, he said,

"You're a wizard Harry."