My Addiction

A poem about the lowest point of my life. I don't ask for sympathy whatsoever. All that I ask is you read this and learn something about what not to do.

Dreamin', schemin', thinking about all that I use to believe in.
Thought I had it all figured out. Not really knowing what I was getting myself into, and sure I had my doubts.
But I popped those pills, seeking that inevitable thrill. The rush, the joy, and especially the numb. It was like the calm before the storm.
Every weekend chasing that elusive feeling, or lack there of. Not a care in the world when I was high and above.
For once, it was nice not being able to feel the harsh realities of the world.
Until that moment when you come crashing back to reality, and life unfurled.
It wasn't enough; I needed more and more.
Satisfying those cravings and I knew no boundaries.
The deeper I sank, the more I relied on a feeling to get me by.
Driving to that empty dollar store to get my next high.
And what was it all for? What did I have to show for this wretched cycle?
I was only 18, I sure as hell didn't want to end up like Michael.
That's no slam to the king, but I've seen what these skittles can do.
Filling your mind and consuming your thoughts with nothing but riddles.
Like, do I do it again, and if so how much more?
Come on, Dillon. You know you will, it's become a chore.
Pushing the limits each and every single time.
I couldn't dare tell anyone about this secret of mine.
Losing my grip with reality as if this lack of feeling was my own true self.
I couldn't believe what I was becoming; a monster in itself.
Disappointing my friends that soon became aware that I had a problem.
And once they found out, it was almost like a low blow to the stomach; I couldn't find the air.
I started looking at my life and began to value it.
All the pieces had aligned and they started to fit.
It took one night of going too far, for me to realize I need to appreciate time.
A pill here, a pill there. Some Jim Bean, and everything will be fine.
I woke up at home after going to the hospital.
I had no idea my stomach had to be pumped.
My mom told me as she began to break down.
It was then and there that I started to change.
The past was the past.
I've got a new outlook and some goals to arrange.
And so I began the slow climb back to my weary feet, not knowing what was ahead of me.
I took everything for granted, and that will never happen again.
Life gave me another chance, another breath, another moment to be.

Author's Note

"A setback is a setup for a comeback."

Reviews

[Robbie~xoxo~]

You have truly have been through a low point which changed the course of your life. I am glad you shared your story...this a brave step, and I admire that you have grown from this experience. You are blessed to get through it, and that makes life worth living. The lows are what make the hi's even better. Great write!

[dillonjensen]

Thank you! Means a lot to me for you to say that. I truly do appreciate it!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

I understand this one completely as a recovering alcholholic, brilliantly written.

[dillonjensen]

Glad you liked it. Kind of a slippery slope, but that slope did finally end.

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Wow, this is a very poignant poem that you've shared with us Dillion. I enjoyed reading this and getting an inside scoop of your past. I'm glad that you wrote it to get those bottled feelings released instead of for sympathy from your audience. It flowed very nicely and was easy to read. You kept it interesting and never got off of the main topic---that life gave you a second chance to change yourself or rather actions. It's a great example to make sure everything we have in life with us is well appreciated. Great job, continuing writing and shining your talent through your brilliant choice of words!! :)

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG:)

[dillonjensen]

Thank you so much! Means a lot. :)

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

You're welcome and I'm glad that it did! :)