Chapter 1

A Chapter by Dice Jordan

The set up.

The moon was so low that night, I felt I could pluck it right out of the sky. It didn’t feel millions of miles away, but just out of reach. It illuminated the valley that night. Looking out over the ledge, I could view the rows of houses that made up our little town. I could spot our friends’ houses, the hospital, the shopping mall. I followed the highway to the end of the valley, where more houses were being built. On the other side of the valley, on top of the next ridge, was an old mansion where they say a murderer lives. Nobody can say for sure whether the man truly killed anyone, but they have their suspicions. My focus turned back to town, down the rows of houses, and stopped at our small rowhome. Our home. Thomas had bought it one year while I was away. We have been living there for two years now. A surge of pride ran through me and I sighed with satisfaction.

I felt Thomas’ strong arms wrap around me. He whispered in my ear, “Beautiful sight, isn’t it?” He kissed my neck. I closed my eyes an smiled. There was nowhere I would rather be at that moment.

Thomas and I met through a friend from my job. She was having a party and I decided to go. I was new in town and I thought this party might be a good chance to meet some people. Thomas was there, also, with some friends who I would get to know later after we would start dating. It was really love at first sight. The whole “look across the room” scenario played out for us. He came up to me and introduced himself. His smile was enough to stop my heart from beating. I mentioned I was new in town and he offered to show me around. When I left later that night, he asked for my number, but I didn’t have a phone yet. So I told him to instead stop by the restaurant I work at, Roxy’s. After that first night, I wondered if he would actually show up. If I would ever see him again or if this was just a dream. However, only two days later, he showed up at the restaurant. He continued to show up on my shifts every day until I agreed to go out with him. That was three years ago now, and we are still together. Still in love. Still keeping the fire alive. We are still as happy as ever. We don’t need much to be happy. He is a pilot for the regional airport and I have my waitressing. We have a good life here, with wonderful friends who are like family to us. Thinking of all I have here, peace swept over me. It feels good to have a home.

Thomas must have known I was deep in thought. He turned me around to face him and looked inquisitively into my eyes. “What are you thinking about, baby?”

I smiled and shrugged. “I’m just thinking about how good life is.”

He smiled back at me. “It is good, isn’t it?”

I leaned into him. Something about him about being with him just makes me feel safe. I’ve felt that security since the first night I met him. I feel it when he’s lying next to me in bed; when eating breakfast with him; even when we’re out with a group of friends. I feel that anchor whenever he’s next to me, and I know I’m safe.

He broke the silence between us. “What is it about life that makes it so good?” He asked curiously.

I laughed because that question seemed to preposterous to me. Surely, he knew! But I let my words come out slowly and suredly. “Well, I love our life. I love that we’ve made a home here in this little town. I love our friends, our work, our house. I love you and being with you. It just seems like yesterday that I moved here and was a stranger, but everything has fallen into place.” I saw a huge grin cover Thomas’ face. He took a step back to be able to me better.

He looked deep into my eyes. “You are happy with your life here then?”

I smiled and nodded. “Very much so!” I took a step towards him to lean into him again, but he held me at arm’s length.

“And you’re happy with your life…with me?” The pause in his question made me nervous, but I continued to smile.

“Of course I am! Thomas, what are you –“

“—And can you see yourself in this life, with me, forever?” He was looking into my eyes and I could tell something was on his mind. We have had many conversations about the future, so I wasn’t sure why he would question my desires now.

“Thomas, you know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You make me so happy, and I couldn’t picture myself without you!”

“So…I do make you happy?”

“Thomas! Of course you do! Is there ever a doubt? Why all these questions?!”

“All I ever want to do is make you happy for the rest of my life…”

“That’s great, and you do make me happy, baby. Now please tell me what’s wrong!” I couldn’t figure out why he was acting so strangely. I was beginning to worry.

However, all my worry was put to rest when I watched Thomas begin to lower himself. He slowly went down on one knee.

“Hannah?”

He took my hand, serious as a corpse.

I could only muffle a pathetic, “uh-huh?”

Thomas looked up into my eyes, and said the words that I’ve been wanting to hear for so long. “Hannah, you have been the love of my life since the day I met you at Sidney’s party. Before then, I never knew if there was any happiness in my future, but then I met you. Everything changed and my life has never been the same. I want to give you the same happiness you’ve given me. I want to be your husband and the father of

your children. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” He paused as he took the ring out of his jacket pocket and prepared to put it on my finger. I stood frozen with an excitement that I didn’t know how to express was pulsating through me.

“Hannah?”

“Yes, Thomas?”

“Will you marry me? Be my wife?”

“YES THOMAS!!” I let him slide the ring on my finger and then pounced on him. We were both kneeling on the ground, tears of joy streaming down my face as we kissed each other over and over again. He was laughing with excitement and kissing my tears away. We were both too crazed to speak. We were just laughing and crying at the same time. I knew, everyone knew, this was going to happen eventually, but having it actually happen now brought new emotions that I couldn’t have even imagined. We sat there, embracing, for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually, Thomas pulled us apart and looked into my eyes again. He was serious again. He quietly brushed my hair from my face and held my chin in his hand. He searched my eyes, seeing my happiness, and then kissed me hard, but it was not unwelcome. He pulled away and whispered, “God, I love you!”

I smiled and that fire of security and admiration ran through me again. “I love you too, Thomas.”

His turn to smile, this time giving me a little wink. “Whaddya say we go back and tell everybody?”

“You mean the one person in town you haven’t told yet?” I teased. I knew that Thomas and his friends were very close. It was highly unlikely that he hasn’t told any of them about his plans. Thomas knew what I meant and laughed.

“Well, you can show off your shiny new rock, then!” He was only half joking at this. I was so excited, I didn’t even look at my ring yet. As he pulled me up from the ground, I looked at the ring on my finger for the first time. It sparkled in the moon light. It was bigger than anything I’ve ever looked at in the jewelry counters in the mall. A lump formed in my throat. “Baby, where did you get the money for this?”

He searched for the car keys in his pockets as he spoke. “I’ve been saving up. You know I don’t buy anything I can’t afford.” He flashed me a big grin. I still felt a little uneasy about how much it must have cost, but Thomas was right. He’s always been good with money, even helping me with my own. I trusted him to spend his money wisely. The lump went away.

He came to the passenger side of the car and kissed me again. And again. Always smiling. I was having trouble not bearing my teeth as well.

“You’re so beautiful in the moonlight.” He whispered. “I’m so happy to be with you.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond other than, “I am too, sweetie.” I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him again. Then, I lowered myself into the car. He closed the door and went around to the driver’s side, all the while smiling at me. He did not take his eyes off of me until he started up the engine.

As we drove off, I looked out over the ledge again and stared at the moon. We came up here often, whenever we wanted a quiet night to ourselves. It’s a very romantic spot and we always feel refreshed after coming here. I have a lot of fond memories of this spot, but tonight will top them all.

We pulled up to our house, but were unable to park in the garage because there was a crowd of people waiting for us. I scanned the faces and saw practically everyone I knew. All of our friends were there, co-workers. Even some people I was not too familiar with. They were all beaming with joy and anticipating our return.

“Did everyone know but me?” I gave Thomas a playful glare.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if you knew, would it?” He winked at me.

Our friends surrounded the car as we parked on the street. Cheers and hollers were heard from all around us. Everyone was smiling and waving, trying to congratulate us. Pride and fulfillment swept over me as I realized once again how lucky I was to have so many people to share this moment with.

“Dude, it’s about time!” Thomas’ friend Peter said to him as we got out of the car. His girlfriend, Sarah, ran over and hugged me. “I’m so happy for you!” She cried.

I smiled at her. “It’ll be your turn soon!” She smiled and blushed a little at the thought of that. Her and Peter started dating not too long after Thomas and I did. The four of us have been pretty much inseparable ever since.

“Congrats, dude!” Another one of Thomas’ friends, Mike, came up to join us. Mike was one of the several neighborhood rats that all hung out together. They are all at the house often, if not every single night, and they were all present for this moment. Familiar, welcome, faces were all around Thomas and I, sharing in our excitement.

The fervor of the crowd was only interrupted by the one person that had a true gift of bringing rain over my parade. I heard his grating voice over the chatter. “Hold on, hold on. We don’t even know if she said yes yet!” Scott had his coal black hair slicked back like he always did. The evil smirk he wore was a big thorn in my side. The sinking feeling of doom followed him wherever he went, even when he did decide to be social with the other guys in the neighborhood. He always gave me a knot in the pit of my stomach. Thomas will swear up and down that Scott is harmless, but I never like to be in his company for too long at any time.

“Scott!” I rolled my eyes and held up my hand. “What do you suppose this is on my finger? A cheerio?!” The boys laughed at my attempt to shut Scott down, and the girls cooed at seeing my ring for the first time. But Scott just walked right up to me, giving me a real smile now.

“So, that means you said yes?”

I nodded and smiled. “Yes! Of course I said yes!”

Scott’s faced relaxed. “Well, then good. I’m happy for you!” He picked me up in a tight hug, and for a second, I almost thought he was normal. Those seconds don’t last very long most of the time.

Sensing my discomfort, Thomas cleared his throat. “Hey, let’s all go inside for some drinks!” Everyone loved that idea! Thomas unlocked the front door and let everyone in. I was in the middle of the crowd, wandering in while chatting with friends and soaking in the love and attention. When I walked past Thomas at the door, he pulled me aside and gave me a kiss. “Hello, future Mrs. Brenner!”

I smiled at the name and kissed him back. “Do we have enough for everybody?”

He shrugged. “We’ll be fine. The guys brought some in.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why does that not surprise me?” I was about to walk away when everyone started cheering.

“Kiss! Kiss!” Everyone yelled. All eyes were on Thomas and I. I’m sure I was beat red. It wasn’t like we’ve never kissed infront of people before. But, I was not about to be a party pooper at my own party! Thomas winked at me and I shrugged. Why not? We kissed each other lightly and were about to part, however I heard Peter yell, “No, make it a REAL kiss! I want some tongue action!”

Thomas and I both laughed at Peter’s outcry, but our friends’ voices rose up in agreement. My protests were interrupted by Thomas wrapping his arm around me. He dipped me infront of everyone and went in for a “real” kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. Our kiss made me warm all over, and for a second I tried to block out everyone who was standing in our living room. As soon as I forget about them however, I heard Mike yell, “Ok, get a room you two!!”

Thomas lifted me up and laughed. “You’re in our room!!” Everyone found that funny and I heard laughing from everywhere. Thomas gave me another kiss on the cheek quickly before following Peter into the kitchen. That is where the guys usually play cards or just gather to drink. I’m sure tonight they’ll be doing both.

I closed the front door and found Sarah on the couch with a couple other of our girlfriends. Sarah was also not a native of the area, but moved here for school. She met Peter shortly after moving here while going out to the movies. She and I hit it off once the guys introduced us. Lucky for them, since Thomas and Peter have been best friends since they were little. I looked around the room and reflected on how all of the gang came together.

There was Matt and his girlfriend Leslie. Matt came to the group by way of Sarah, who had a few classes with him. He comes by every so often, but not one of the guys that shows up every day. Last I heard before tonight was that he dropped out of college. His relationship with Leslie was too new for me to know her that well. I wasn’t even sure how they met. Even so, I thanked them both for coming and celebrating with us tonight.

Mike met Thomas and Peter through one of Thomas’ old girlfriends. Neither of them talk to her anymore, but they became good friends. It is never really clear what Mike is into, except for drugs. I sometimes wonder if it’s a good idea to have him around, but he is a good guy, and he has never tried to influence anyone or push any of his habits onto someone else. He shares an apartment with a couple other guys, more or less in the same situation as them. The only roommate to have a steady job works at the music store in the mall. Mike, as far as I knew, was always hopping from one job to another. I would like to think he knew his limits, he never seemed overly intoxicated. However, if he ever would try to sell anything to Thomas, he would be out the door. Thomas, luckily, has never been tempted by anything like that. As long as that was not a problem, I did not have a problem with Mike. In fact, he was a great guy to hang around with.

Then, Thomas has his friends for the airport. There was Jake Rossini. Jake was originally from New York City and brought that New York attitude with him. He always took everything too seriously and thought he was big stuff. He is the total opposite of Thomas and our friends. Jake was always with a different girl and didn’t care who he hurt. I am not quite sure how Thomas got to be friends with him, except from maybe just working with him constantly. In all honesty, I had more of a problem with Jake being here than Mike.

As I was talking to the girls and taking in the crowd, Peter walked up to us to hand Sarah and I a drink. He turned to me, “Mike wanted to take your man out tonight to celebrate, but I told him you probably want him to yourself tonight” and he winked at me.

I smirked at the thought of them taking Thomas away tonight. “That’s right! You boys will have plenty of time to celebrate!”

Peter laughed and looked at Sarah with his clear blue eyes. “Baby, the guys want to play some cards. You gonna be alright?”

Sarah looped her arm through mine and waved him away. “Of course I’ll be alright! I’m with the woman of the house!” Peter kissed her cheek and went back into the kitchen. For a moment, I thought of following him to see what Thomas was up to. Although I was very grateful for all of our friends sharing this moment with us, all I really wanted was to be with my future husband tonight.

As if reading my mind, as she often does, Sarah looked at me and smiled. “You want to crash their little card game?” I laughed, but didn’t even have to respond before we were on our way to the kitchen.

I only made it across the room, however, before I was stopped by a couple of friends who wanted to congratulate me. I made polite conversation with them which lasted longer than I would have liked. I was only half listening when I realized the room started spinning. The drink that Peter gave to me must have been stronger than I thought. Standing was beginning to get tiresome, so I sought the nearest surface to sit on. I politely excused myself from Kristi, and whoever the other girl was, and plopped down on the arm of a chair, next to Mike. It did not come to my mind that Mike was much more subdued than usual, especially within the presence of alcohol. However, I was sure his absence at the poker table must have been felt.

I poked his arm to get his attention. “Why aren’t you playing cards with the guys?”

Mike shrugged half-heartedly. “Jake was being a dick, as usual.” Thinking back to several of Jake’s outbursts I myself have witnessed, this did not surprise me. Then, Mike flashed me a huge grin. “Besides, I see those douchebags all the time. I wanted to have a chance to talk to you tonight!”

This made me smile. Or maybe it was Peter’s drink. “Oh really? What about?” The alcohol probably made me look a lot cheesier than I intended.

Mike sighed. “I’m just really happy for you too.” He put his arm around my shoulders haphazardly, but since I was sitting on the arm, making me above him slightly, his arm drunkenly fell to my waist. “You know, Thomas is like a brother to me. To all of us. We care about his happiness. An ever since you came around, he’s just been dancing on the clouds.” His hand rubbed my back and he smiled at me. “And because he cares about you, we care about you. You’re one of us, you know.”

I couldn’t help but feel those butterflies from hearing about the way Thomas feels about me. It reminded me that I wanted to see him. I tried to get up from the couch, but the room started spinning again and I couldn’t hold my weight. I fell back down on the chair.

“Hey! Be careful there!” Mike stood up and offered to help me get up. I thanked him and took his hand to steady myself. I felt I could walk then, but just as I was about to pull away, Mike yanked me back into a hug. “We all love you, Hannah!”

Figuring it was just the alcohol, I mumbled that I loved him too, and turned to go into the kitchen. Sarah found me again and held my arm to steady my walking. We didn’t walk very far before the yelling from the kitchen reached us. I thought maybe Jake was losing again, but as I got closer, I realized it was Thomas that was yelling! I began to panic and rushed towards the kitchen. Thomas hardly ever gets angry!

No doubt the cause of it, Scott walks out and into the living room, wearing a huge grin. He stops and scans the room, stopping on me. “Congratulations on your engagement, Hannah! We are all really happy for you!” Scott yells above the chatter of our friends. As he begins to walk towards me, I see Thomas emerge from the kitchen behind him, watching Scott with wide eyes.

When Scott stopped infront of me, I muttered through my clamped jaw, “What did you do?” Thank God for Sarah. The alcohol still buzzed through me, and I needed her help to stay upright while at the same time keeping my eyes on both Scott and Thomas.

Scott shrugged and waved my question away, “Oh, some people are just bitter. They can’t handle the truth.” He was smiling at me, but not really looking at me. I looked at Thomas’ face and got the feeling that this was about more than just a poker game. I looked again at Thomas. His fists were clenched, white-knuckled, and he was breathing through his nose. Peter was behind him now, but still wearing his poker face, not giving anything away.

“You know, Hannah.” Scott continued to talk to me, but wasn’t looking directly at me. Was he looking behind me? “There are a lot of guys in this town that would kill to be in Thomas’ place. I’m not so sure he knows just how lucky he is.” Then, Scott was looking at me, and was finally actually smiling at me. “He better be dotting his Is and crossing his Ts. One slip up and a half dozen men will be beating down the door!” His eyes were looking me up and down and I suddenly felt violated for some reason. For the life of me, I could not speak. Then I thought maybe that was a good thing. The alcohol may make me say something stupid in response.

Scott glanced back at Thomas, who was still fuming in the kitchen doorway, then turned to me again and smiled. “You never know someone fully. Thomas just better make sure he is not hiding anything!”

“I think it’s time for you to go, Scott!” Thomas finally bellowed from the back of the house.

Scott did not protest, and was still smiling as he said his goodbyes as he left. I looked back at Thomas to try to get some answers. He was still standing in the same spot. He looked at me. I could see that he wasn’t angry. I realized that what I saw in his face was fear.

After that outburst, Peter convinced everyone it was time to leave. Finally, it was just Thomas and me. Alone. Together. He closed the front door after the last of the group and turned towards me. I was sitting on the second bottom step of the stairs, worn out from the night’s events. Thomas came over to me, smiled, and held out his hands. I reached for them; he pulled me up close to him and kissed me. Gently at first, slow like he wanted to get used to it first. I loved his slow kisses; they sent chills down my spine. I hardly had the patience to play along, wanting to wrap myself around him and get lost in the moment. Right now, at this moment, there was nothing else in this world except for Thomas and his slow kisses. Finally, he wrapped his arms tight around me like he was afraid I’d float away, and his tongue slid in my mouth. Excitement was radiating through me and I was sure he could feel my smile through my kiss. I broke away from his embrace, took his hand, and began to lead him up the stairs. He was happy to follow my lead.

We were about halfway up the stairs when Thomas’ beeper went off in the living room. This was his beeper from work, which meant someone from the airport wants him there. I sighed and let go of his hand so he could go look at it. My eyes followed him, hoping I’d see him dismiss it. Hoping it was nothing. Instead, I saw him raise his eyebrows and his face fell.

“I gotta go,” he said, empty of all emotion.

“Now?” I held onto the banister, needing the support now. It was a stupid question, but I did not want to believe he had to go. Of all the times he had to leave, this had to be the worst!

Thomas looked up at me. I couldn’t exactly read his face. “Yes. Now.” He walked somberly to the coat rack and picked up his jacket. I reached out to him, as if to pull him back to me, but he was too far away. He jumped up the couple steps to meet me and kissed my cheek. He smiled and whispered, “We’ll continue this later.” Just as I opened my mouth to reply, he jumped down the stairs, darted out the door, and slammed it behind him.

I stood there on the third step, in shock as I heard the car outside start up and drive away. My arm was still raised to grab him and keep him from leaving. Realizing how stupid I looked, however, I turned and contritely walked up the steps. I would be sleeping alone tonight. Thomas is sometimes called to the airfield, and there is nothing he can do. He must go. I have gotten used to this, but I was hoping that tonight of all nights, this would not happen.

I changed out of my clothes and say on the edge of our bed, staring at the ring on my finger. Tonight is different, I thought to myself. Tonight is the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. Keeping that thought in mind, I was content sleeping alone that night. I was willing to sacrifice the odd night without him if it meant I could spend the rest of my life with him.

I thought about taking the ring off to sleep, but decided to keep it on. Resolutely, I then rolled under the covers to fall asleep.