Forever An Optimist

Please forgive the poor rhyming, grammar, etc. I wrote this drunk and I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

I taste the smoke on my tongue.

I can feel the words coming out,

so quickly I can't control myself.

I can't remember the last time

some guy actually wanted to get to know me.

Ever since I turned 16, 

I've been plagued by insecurity

that led me to this list I keep

of each mistake I've ever made

and each lesson I've had to learn.

But unfortunately it only gets worse.

Past experiences don't help me grow.

I fail, time and time again,

With the company I choose to keep,

expecting some different outcome.

Even though the world beats me down

breaks my heart and my mind

each time I open myself up to someone,

I remain foolishly and hopelessly,

an eternal optimist.

I still believe in love

despite what I've sustained.

No matter how I've been hurt.

Because the slivers of pure happiness

somehow blank out the previous scars.

Precious memories keep me a believer:

The night we first met we wound up in the park.

You forgot my name for a brief second,

pulled me down on the grass out of the blue,

and plied me with kisses until I reminded you.

The time you flew me across the country

for an elaborate one-time scheme.

To celebrate your senior prom,

we spent a magical long weekend

wrapped in each others company.

When we walked down to the beach.

With our large puppy in tow,

Facing the sunset on the warm sand.

You pulled me close and told me you loved me.

And we decided to give long distance a go.

That first time we went out together.

We were nervous and so young.

You kissed me softly on the cheek,

and I knew you'd never kissed anyone.

I smiled and whispered, "You missed."

And most recently, you.

That night we first hung out.

You drunkenly walked me home,

pausing as you asked me about myself,

when all I wanted was to kiss you.

Now, sitting here regretting every minute,

I force myself to remember that moment.

If I didn't believe in those memories,

I'd start to hate you for making me doubt

every choice I've every made.

Like it or not,

you were one of those choices.

You're added to the list

and I refuse to regret 

those nights we spent up until 5 a.m.,

contemplating each and every kiss.

Reviews

[SomeSteve]

9th stanza. Ugh. "I smiled and whispered you missed"
Too many emotions are happening! Def going to read some more of your stuff

[diaphanous]

Thank you so much!

[Im His Daughter]

Sheesh, drunk or not this is freaking awesome.. keep it up :)

[ayesha gupta]

so touchy..you made me cry