![]() Chapter 3A Chapter by diaphanous
As the days grew shorter and
November turned into December, Carrie did leave. She didn’t say goodbye to anyone, there was
no warning, she was just there one day and then she was gone. People whispered
about why she’d left, mostly grand unrealistic theories. The seventh grade class was suddenly one
person smaller. Tanya realized her position was growing unsteady as the days
went on. Alexa assumed the role of the leader easily, and after everyone had
eaten, she’d lead walks around the campus for the rest of lunch. Tanya could
have participated, but she hated the idea of following Alexa around like a
puppy. She refused to give her the satisfaction. Nothing had happened yet, but
Tanya could feel the tension between her and Alexa boiling underneath the
surface. She honestly just wanted to be left alone. One cold Wednesday morning, Tanya’s
class, still wearing their movement clothes in preparation for their yoga class
later, filed into the Humanities Room. The room was painted a fire engine red,
with flags lining the walls. The tables, a matching red, had been pushed
against the walls to clear a space in the center of the room. The students sat
down in a circle on the scratchy gray carpet and stared off in different
directions. Thus began their most awkward class of the week: Self-Science. The
class itself wasn’t a bad concept"just poorly executed and received. The art
teacher, Hilary, pulled out her composition notebook and sat down next to
Milton, their official Self-Science teacher. Hilary was just there to take
notes on everything that was said every week. Milton crossed his
Birkenstock-clad feet and stretched his long legs out in front of him. He tied
up his dreads with a strip of leather and then clapped his hands. “Alright!” He exclaimed. “Who wants
to start us off?” When no one raised their hands, he
pointed at Kathy and nodded. “Go.” This was how they always started.
They would say something good that had happened or will happen to them that
week, and then something bad. Then after each person had gone, people would
raise their hands if they wanted to ask someone a question about their “status
of the week”. Then Hilary would ask if there were any issues people wanted to
address, and they’d spend the rest of the time discussing those issues. Kathy shrugged. She smiled
animatedly. “This week we got a new cat! And I forgot my homework yesterday.” Then Mandy went, and so on down the
line. Each person would say variations of the same thing, except for Dawn. When
it was Dawn’s turn, Dawn stared off into space angrily and rigidly set his
elbow on her knee. He bent his head and rested his forehead on his closed fist.
“This week, there is nothing good. My parents said we’re going to move.” He
choked out. Immediately Hilary and Milton’s
eyes widened in shock and horror. “Nothing good!” Hilary exclaimed.
“Surely that can’t be true! There must be something! Think Dawn, anything can
be good. A piece of candy, your favorite TV show, something!” Hilary insisted,
her long black hair coming out of its bun each time she nodded her head. Dawn shook his head violently.
“There. Is. Nothing.” He spat. Dawn was perhaps the only other
student who was just as angry as Tanya was, but his anger was more violent and
unsettling. Dawn was transgender, had been born a boy trapped in the body of a
girl. The other students tried to be as supportive as possible, but it was
difficult when Dawn was constantly so enraged. The smallest things set him off,
whether it was Alexa accidentally using the wrong pronoun, or a teacher
touching his shoulder. The school wasn’t unsympathetic, but it was more
bewildered by the volatile student, not knowing what to make of him. Hilary opened her mouth to say
something, but wisely closed it and let the matter drop. Then it was Tanya’s turn. “Umm…”
She mumbled. “I got to see a movie yesterday and I got a Blue Slip on Monday.” Then came the questions. Most of
them were innocuous, like “What’s your cat’s name?” or “What movie?” but Sally,
best known for being a younger version of Mother Teresa, had to ask Dawn what
was wrong. Dawn didn’t raise his head once,
except when Milton got his pronouns wrong. Then Dawn simply shot daggers at him
with his eyes. Tanya was bored. Self-Science bored her, so she usually tuned it
out until the Issues were brought up. Hilary looked around finally. “So,
are there any issues today?” A few hands were raised hesitantly.
Mateo, Wally, and Alexa. Tanya was surprised. What on earth would they have
issues about? Mateo went first. Mateo was a
twitchy, small boy with thick bottle lensed glasses. He worshipped the ground
Sally walked on. “I uh, I need, uh, help with my
Blue Slips.” He stuttered nervously, picking at the blue rubber coming off his
slippers. Tanya shook her head. Boring. As
usual. While her classmates offered him redundant advice about organization and
assignments, she amused herself by stabbing at the carpet threads with a bent
paperclip lying on the floor. She was jolted out of her daydreams
when it was Wally’s turn. Wally was leaning against the wall, sprawled lazily
out on the carpet. Wally was the tallest boy in the class, gangly and skinny.
His dark brown curls framed his wide face, and while he wasn’t cute by
conventional terms, he was the most normal looking guy in their class, making
him the biggest jerk. Tanya loathed him more than anyone else. The feeling was
mutual. “I’ve been getting weird emails
lately,” His small green eyes flicked around. “from this anonymous account,
called advice4u. It’s a gmail account.” Hilary was scribbling furiously
now, trying to get down everything he was saying. “It’s weird, they’re saying they
know things about me, and stuff that I’ve been doing. Which makes me think that
it’s someone at this school.” Hilary looked up. “Actually, that’s
quite interesting, a couple of 8th graders mentioned getting similar
emails from that account. What exactly has this person been writing to you
about?” Wally shrugged. “Gossip I guess.
Nothing bad, it’s just creepy.” Alexa chimed in. “I’ve been getting
emails too. It’s really weird.” Milton looked around. “Has anyone
else been getting emails like this?” He asked. Everyone looked around. No one
else came forward. After class was over, everyone was
still talking about the mysterious emails. “I wonder who it is?” Alexa stated
loudly as she walked down the steps to the Movement Room, followed by Tanya and
Rachael. Tanya hadn’t received any emails
from this person whoever they were. Tanya just assumed she wasn’t interesting
or popular enough to be targeted, so she shrugged it off. But she could tell
Alexa loved the attention from Kathy and Mandy, who had been asking her
questions nonstop about it. “Did they threaten you?” Kathy
asked. “Are they mean?” “What did they say exactly?” Mandy
asked. “How many emails did you get?” Alexa smiled mysteriously, reveling
in her sudden fame. “I’ll tell you guys all about it during lunch.” There was a mad dash once everyone
was inside the Movement Room for the wicker basket in the corner. It barely
held all the yoga mats stuffed inside it. No one wanted to get stuck with the
thin as paper mats that would leave them bruised and achey after their hour
long class. Sam brandished his rolled up mat
like a sword and swung it at Kathy, yelling “En Garde!” as he chased her around
the room. Sam was monkey-faced with round glasses that rested on the tip of his
nose. He served Wally as a glorified lackey, and according to Kathy, has been
madly in love with her since he announced it in the middle of their 2nd
grade class in elementary school. He continued chasing her while Wally
proceeded to do the same with his mat, but instead of chasing, he hit people
with it. He bopped Mateo on the head and then wacked Tanya’s shoulder. He
grinned at her smugly, daring her to challenge him. She slapped a bored
expression onto her face and turned away. She wouldn’t sink to his level.
Instead of leaving her alone, he hit her again, harder this time, on her butt.
The blood rushed to her ears and she clenched her fists. She turned around. “Why did you do
that?” She growled. “I’m just having some fun.” Wally
smirked, and drew his mat back behind his head as he prepared to hit her again. Before he could, she grabbed her
blue mat and swung at him, catching him in the face. “Ow.” He scowled. “Why are you so
angry all the time, geez.” He walked away. Tanya huffed in disdain. She hated
it when guys did that: doing things with such brevity that it left her feeling
uncertain and confused about what had actually happened. He had started it,
right? She wasn’t so sure. Had he really been mad? Or was he just joking? She
caught herself wondering, again, why he seemed to hate her so much. She caught her reflection in the
mirrored wall across from her. The Movement Room was made to look like a dance
studio, which was useful during their weekly dance classes. Tanya pouted at her
reflection. She was short, with an awkwardly chubby body that had changed from
skinny to flabby in a matter of months. She was angry that it had changed so
drastically, out of her control. She knew it had something to do with her
tendency to eat her feelings, but that hadn’t been a problem in the past. The
only feature she liked about herself now was her hair, which was wildly wavy
and a riot of different autumn shaded colors. Tanya was much happier last year,
in sixth grade. She was naïve, but happy. She’d thought Wally was really cute,
and really funny. She had never legitimately liked a boy before, so she hadn’t been
sure how to proceed. It was Alexa, whom Tanya had actually been friends with,
who encouraged her to ask him out. What
a mistake that had been. Her attention shifted away from her
thoughts to her yoga instructor, Rocky, who had just arrived, and was telling
everyone to set up somewhere around the room. Tanya rolled her mat out by the
window, as far away from the mirror as possible. She started following Rocky along
with everyone else, focusing on the different poses, and trying to forget about
her humiliation last year. Which was easier said than done. Her face turned red
again, which much to her dismay, meant that she was about to start crying. She
tried to push her feelings down like she always did before anyone noticed. Too late, Kathy had seen her. “Are
you okay?” She whispered, as she transitioned between Downward Facing Dog to
Salutations to the Sun. Tanya breathed slowly, calmly. “I’m
fine.” She stated simply. Tanya had asked Wally out in an
email, towards the end of sixth grade. She’d sent it off, barely containing her
excitement. Then she’d been terrified. What if he said no? What if he never
even got it in the first place? She methodically hit the refresh button on her
inbox every 5 seconds for the next two hours. She was in the library with
Carrie at the time, studying for their upcoming Japanese final exam. But
instead of concentrating on memorizing a list of kanji, she’d kept her eyes
glued on her inbox. She grew more and more neurotic as the minutes passed,
agonizingly slowly. Finally, he responded. It was simple, but sweet. She leapt
out of her chair for joy, causing a racket and getting her and Carrie kicked
out by the librarian. But she hadn’t cared. He’d said “yes.” Tanya walked out of Movement Class,
ready to change out of the horribly ugly school-issued movement clothes they
were all forced to wear. She grabbed her bag from her hook and hit the Girls’
bathroom. It was only about a quarter of
the size of one of their classrooms, with only 2 stalls. The girls were so used
to changing in front of each other by now, none of them really cared enough to
take one of the stalls. There was only one mirror in the whole place, a cheap
$10 mirror hung from hooks on one of the stall doors. Tanya looked at that
mirror sometimes and felt superficially proud. Before she had fought Stanley to
get it there, there didn’t used to be a mirror in the Girls’ bathroom. One
Olympus’s philosophies focused on inner beauty instead the exterior. That was
fine and well said, but Tanya felt that keeping mirrors out of their bathrooms
was just ridiculous. They were girls. Girls need mirrors. Tanya was one of the
few girls to sometimes wear makeup, much to her teachers chagrin. When she
complained to Stanley, he told her to make a petition, which she did. When she presented
him with one signed by all the girls in the school and even a few boys, he then
made her jump through several more hoops before he finally relented and bought
them a mirror. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Tanya reapplied her smudged
eyeliner after finishing getting dressed. She ruffled her hair, and sighed,
deciding there was just nothing more she could do, and walked out. The instant
she did, she was attacked by a cloud of strong, sweet smelling spray. It filled
her nostrils and mouth with its pungent odor and she coughed, trying to breathe
in oxygen instead of these noxious fumes. She heard Rachael walk up behind her
and have the same reaction. Tanya clutched her throat and turned to the Boy’s
bathroom across from her. Wally and Sam were standing there, holding bottles of
Axe spray deodorant over their heads, spraying them with it. They cackled as
soon as they saw Tanya’s expression. “A******s.” She choked out before
fleeing from the smell. She walked out onto the back patio
and breathed in the fresh air gratefully. She walked over to her hook and
placed her bag there gently. She loitered outside, knowing she needed to go
back in for their next class, but she just didn’t have the will to move. And it
was so peaceful out here, with everyone else gone. Even though it was cold, the
sky was a brilliant blue, and the hill behind her was sprinkled with a soft
layer of new green grass, growing after the several rain-storms they’d had
recently. She liked being alone with her thoughts sometimes. It happened so
rarely nowadays. She sat down on the hill and closed her eyes and smiled. The
sliding glass doors slammed and Rachael walked outside, interrupting her
peaceful reverie. “Blehhh.” Rachael spat. “Ughh I can
still taste that Axe.” She gagged, and waddled over to where Tanya was sitting.
She knotted the scarf she had wrapped around her head and hung her backpack on
her hook. She turned to look at Tanya. “Wally is such a jerk sometimes.”
She put her pudgy fists on her hips. “I can’t believe you ever liked him.” “Yeah.” Tanya sighed. “Me neither.” Wally had said yes! Tanya was so
excited after reading his response that she gushed the news to Alexa the next
morning. Alexa had celebrated with her, and when they were supposed to sit down
for their morning meditation, Alexa told Tanya to sit next to him. Tanya
blushed and waved Alexa off. She had to be cool, she reminded herself. She’d
spent that morning happy, but not knowing what to say to Wally. This had never
happened to her before! During Humanities class, Wally had passed her a note: “Meet me by the water fountain in 5
minutes.” Was all it said. She was nervous, but she went and
met him there. “What’s up?” She asked, smiling. “Um, look,” He paused, turning the
water fountain knob on and off. “I don’t think we should go out anymore.” “Oh.” Her face fell. “Can I ask
why?” “Because.” Was all he said. He
turned away and left. Her lips quivered. She had woken up
so happy that morning, and now she just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. She
took a couple deep breaths and then went back to class. She ignored the grin on Wally’s
face as he laughed with Sam, as if she’d just walked in on their private joke.
Wally scribbled something on a scrap of paper and threw it at her. She picked
it up, hopefully. Maybe he was sorry, maybe he’d changed his mind. She unfolded
it, and felt tears well up in the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill
over at any moment. The note said: “Because. Because you’re so fat you make
Free Willy look like a tic tac!” Tanya dropped the paper. While her teacher
droned on about the American Revolution, she put her head on her desk and cried
silently. © 2012 diaphanous |
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Added on July 20, 2012 Last Updated on July 20, 2012 Tags: adolescent, school, friends, teachers, class, homework, frustration, hormones Author![]() diaphanousSan Francisco, CAAboutMy name is Talia. I've always loved writing, and writing is my greatest passion. My greatest fear and motivation is that in reality, it shouldn't be. more..Writing
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