To set the record straight:
1. 5-7-5 syllables is the traditional american method. Japan doesn't use syllables like we do so it just doesn't equate.
2. Something of nature in the poem is traditional american and new Japan. The problem lies in the fact that the concept of Haiku didn't happen until quite recently in the history of Japan. It was pretty much the manufacture of one man. Before that the substance was specific to the person who was going to get the piece.
3. Senryu--and let me make this really clear--Senryu isn't JUST about human emotion. It's a comic slant on humanity. Kinda like the limerick.
4. The three line poem, the 17 syllable poem, the short nature poem and the human nature poem can all be found in other cultures around the world. There is, in fact, so many permutations and modifications of this kind of poetry that the moderators at wikipedia have been arguing over the Haiku entry for years and there's no end in sight.
My suggestion is we look at the intent and the grace of the poem and leave our ideas of what is and isn't a Haiku at home.
That being said, I find this piece of poetry to be quite deep in meaning. It has more heart than almost all of my poetry, Dianne. You might want to look a little at where you end your lines, though. Having the concepts lop over into the next line makes it feel a bit unbalanced and out of step.
I'm a new writer. Oh, I've written stuff for work and such over the years, technical writing, lesson plans, resumes; you know the usual stuff of life. Instead I was always a reader. I read like crazy .. more..