True Love

My definition of true love

 

True love acceptance

You as you, I as I, we

Perfect together

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at poetry of any kind. Thanks Bonnie for introducing me to Haiku and Senryu.

Reviews

[Susan S.]

To set the record straight:
1. 5-7-5 syllables is the traditional american method. Japan doesn't use syllables like we do so it just doesn't equate.
2. Something of nature in the poem is traditional american and new Japan. The problem lies in the fact that the concept of Haiku didn't happen until quite recently in the history of Japan. It was pretty much the manufacture of one man. Before that the substance was specific to the person who was going to get the piece.
3. Senryu--and let me make this really clear--Senryu isn't JUST about human emotion. It's a comic slant on humanity. Kinda like the limerick.
4. The three line poem, the 17 syllable poem, the short nature poem and the human nature poem can all be found in other cultures around the world. There is, in fact, so many permutations and modifications of this kind of poetry that the moderators at wikipedia have been arguing over the Haiku entry for years and there's no end in sight.

My suggestion is we look at the intent and the grace of the poem and leave our ideas of what is and isn't a Haiku at home.

That being said, I find this piece of poetry to be quite deep in meaning. It has more heart than almost all of my poetry, Dianne. You might want to look a little at where you end your lines, though. Having the concepts lop over into the next line makes it feel a bit unbalanced and out of step.

[J. James Reider]

There are lot's of crazy rules for Haikus... Without researching I could say that this may be the start of a Tanka... You would need two more lines for it to be "official". It reads like a Haiku, so I would consider it a Haiku... Afterall, you can only write so many Haikus about nature when your using such a limited format. I enjoyed the read (:

[Nick Erickson]

I've only come up with one Haiku, about Denny's with my children, so I'm not a Haiku specialist.
Your words ring true, what love is all about.
Being yoursleves.
Good first attempt.

[Shadows of Sight]

Form aside....
The Meaning is so True!
I love how such a few simple words put together can mean so much in the way of love through all!

Great Write!
Nature's Essence

[shadadakiya]

in time in sure you will finish it

[Your Tasty Field Adviso..]

it's a good start. great job

[emz]

I have only came accross haiku since i joined this site... i have read a few now and i think your attempt is truly captivating.... i would love to have the talent to try this form of poetry.. well done.

xx

[cyanskye]

This is great! Keep on trying...I think you have it.

[Toni Prehoda Kahler]

There is joy in 1st attempts! I love the middle line, how it reads alone, "You as you, I as I, we". You have captured an essence, and that is what I seek when reading or writing poems....Keep writing!
(Haiku? or Senryu? What matters is that you wrote it, that it speaks....)

[Bonnie]

Hi Dianne,

There are 2 basic rules that I was taught to create Haiku.

1) The first line is 5 syllables, the second line is 7 syllables, and the third line is 5 syllables.

2) There must be something from nature in the poem.

I have heard there are some more specific guidelines that I was not originally taught, that there should be a reference to a season of the year, that the poem is not about human emotions, it should only be about nature.

You have the number of syllables, however I don't see the reference to nature.

I've been told that poems about human emotion are called Senryu (I need to check the spelling of this).