IMMORTALS KISS

I wrote this one a long time ago, and I lost it... today I found it..

Come hither within,
Your life’s lonely end,
A touch of  forevers youth.

Dreams of nights of sinfully
Plights and days of peacefully slumber.

Hold my hand as we explore this land.
forevers-promised gifts.

 

One touch from my lips to your sweet skin,

will accept my Immortal Kiss.

Author's Note

This is one of my first vampire poems, I lost it and couldn't find it for several years, and Today I found where I hide it.

Reviews

[BrightEyes]

hon, i'm so sorry. I dont know what happened. I'm reviewing this again, in the hopes it will let me rate again. I slid the bar over - it said 100 and I hit rate. After it loaded, it said 89%. I'm going to try to rate again to fix it. I'm so so so sorry!

ok - here's what I did - I deleted the review with the other rating - which I hope deletes the rating. Anyway - liked this one! loved the phrase "forevers promised gifts". and how that led into the ending of "immortal kiss". ok - trying this again.

*hugs*

laura

[Genie]

Thanks for sending this on, Diana! I'm so glad you found it -- what fun to find works that were lost!

Like Gary I have a little trouble with the second stanza. I'll make a suggestion or two in the notes, but overall the whole piece is great, especially for a first one! I found myself reading it in a sing-songy rhthym and wondering if a song could come from this .... :-)

Good job!

[ibarfly jones]

Hey, that was kind of cool. How long ago did you write it? Very nice.

[.]

Ooo, this was very awesome!! Yep, I've noticed that a lot of women on here really like vampires hehe. Whole lot-a fangs goin' on lol ;)

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A wonderful piece....glad that you found it again!!!

[Forest Green]

Brief but very much to the point. Your poem went right after the central theme of the vampire...the innocence of that first bite.

Interesting.

Forest

[Sexy Jones]

Ooh. I like this.
It makes me think of what goes through a vampires mind when they find that someone they want to spend all of eternity with.

The words are very seductive, which is how I believe all vampires speak.

[Gary H]

Haunting and appearing from another time. Perfect for a vampire poem. Not too sure about the 'Dreams of nights of sinfully' line though. When I read it I thought maybe the second 'of' should be missed or the 'sinfully' changed to 'sin'. As no-one else had this problem I guess my ability to read and understand poems is lacking as usual.
The final two lines are so perfect that I'm moved straight away into the vampire world of blood and lust.

[Nana Carmine]

Wow. I really like it. I never really thought of wording it as an immortal kiss but as I read this it makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing, I'm glad you found it.

~Nana Carmine

[deepoet]

beautiful...the picture is hot too...I love it...I have always been attracted to the whole Vampire nation thing...very sexy;) nice write.

[Legion]

I liked it. Very dramatic and darkly romantic.