Vampire Rain

A torrential down pour.

 

As crimson pools in puddles.

 

Screams thunder through the night.

 

flashes of life waming away.

 

A vampire swathed in a blood bath

 

of his own making.

 

His laughter swells like a tsunami tumbling

 

past his lips in waves of delight

 

soaked by the splatter of his victims life fluid

 

he revels in the vampire rain.

 

Reviews

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A deep and dark write.....wonderfully written and a great picture!!

[TL Boehm]

I remember that movie, Carrie. Nice offset.
This is visceral, graphic writing. Well done - well done.

[Claire P.]

I love all the ways you described it.

[Nathan Thompson]

Ah yes for the ladies nothing can be more inticing then a vampire covered in blood. cool

[DonGilbert]

i like this poem a lot

[Jofer Serapio]

Could be better but nonetheless, its a good start. Nice work.

[Jake Svercek]

"downpour" is one word.

I don't really see the purpose of this poem besides aestheticism, in which case it could use more imagery. If you just want to describe this one scene, then make it powerful, make it original. It seems completely objective, and there are no feelings behind it, which is odd for a poem. Where's your sense of expression?

I'd also suggest varying sentence structure--there are too many fragments or simple sentences and no complex ones to highlight the cause, the effect...etc.

[James K. Blaylock]

I love it!

[John Stussy]

great job

[Yvonne Heidt]

Graet Carrie pic -

I absolutely adore the last line:
"He revels in the Vampire rain..."

You are the master at the vamps poems!

[Vampstyle]

ooh gory.. this is an excellent write.