Saving Vampire

I sat with my feet dangling from the bridge, staring down into the dark bleak water. Visions of my life floated on the surfaces, desolate pictures of a shattered existence. I longed for an end to my pain and suffering. I prayed for the end. I prayed for death, anything to leave this world behind me. What I lacked was the courage to carry it through. That's right, I am a coward. I wanted to die, but I am to afraid it will hurt. It's like living with tooth pain because you are afraid the dentist will hurt you. I had hoped that some one would take that choice out of my hand. Maybe like a drive by shooting, or serial killer. Maybe that is why I sat her on this bridge hoping some one would push me in to the water. I don't know how long I sat on that bridge, minutes, hours or days. Time just didn't have any meaning, I had nothing left. No job, no home to go to, no family to love me.
I glanced over my shoulder. I was stunned by what I seen, the most yummiest man I have ever seen stood there silhouetted by the silvery moon light, his raven hair fell well past his shoulders he wore black jeans and a black tight fitting t shirt. He was the epitome of a god . He walked toward me, every muscle rippled beneath his shirt. My mouth hung open as he moved closer, I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until he spoke.
"huh?" I said in a daze.
"You seek death." he accused. His thick velvety voice wrapped around me like a winter coat.
"I can feel your suffering."
I nodded my head, I wasn't quite sure why I was confiding in this stranger.
" I have nothing, no one, I just want to die." The stranger knelt down beside me. He stroked my face with the back of his hand.
His fingers were cold, like ice I shivered from his touch.
"I can help you." he said. I was memorized, lured in by the husky resonance of his voice. I pushed my face in to his palm, desperate for the contact.
"Do you want to die?" He asked again.
I nodded. He stood up to his full height and offered his hand to me. I place my hand in his and he pulled me up with ease.
I stood there on the bridge with a man who I didn't know, my wish had come true. He had offered to take my life, it then occurred to me to be scared. I started trembling, He pulled me close to him. we stood toe to toe. He was very tall, the top of my head came to his shoulders.
"I smell your fear, little one. Do you wish me not to help you die."
tears that I had though were all dried up, wash down my cheeks. I nodded.
"will it hurt?" He smiled, what once had been even teeth had began to elongate at his incisors. My fear escalated, as the word Vampire slipped through my mind. I try to run but his grip on me was like a vise. I pleaded, to afraid now to die...
"hush, little one." he commanded.
I calmed down, his voice soothed me.
"such a pretty face." he pushed my hair to the side. I could see conflict mixed with hunger in his eyes. I wasn't sure what was going to win out, but I was afraid that I was going to be his next meal.



Stephen held the women in his arms, she was pretty and so young. she was afraid of him he was sure, and she well should be, after all he was a monster. He seen her there on the pier debating on taking her life, she reeked of misery. His only thought was to feed from the girl to take her life for her. Give her the death she so desperately seeked. Delilah, he picked her name from her thoughts. So young with so much hurt. He caressed her pliable skin, such a fragile creature. He could have broke her with a thought. Her tears of torment broke him. He cursed and released her. How could he turn soft on such a feeble being. She stood staring at him, her fear evident in her eyes. She should have run, He lowered his head, trying to control the hunger that consumed him. Her blood called to him, beckoned him to take it all. With a crack of his neck he turned head, his eyes a feral red.
"Run..." He bellowed at her. "Run before I change my mind."
He turned and stocked off. He hoped she had the brain to heed his warning.



I watched the vampire retreat, his posterior side was something else. His raven hair rested across the back of his broad shoulders, his waist tapered down and disappeared into his tight jeans that accentuated his very hot tush. I shook my head, what am I thinking,
"holy s**t." I said out loud. I was almost killed by a vampire and here I was admiring his back side. I realized that I was still standing where he left me, I wasn't sure if I was terrified or memorized.
"Wait." I heard my own voice say. What was I thinking, I am telling this monster who nearly killed me to stop. He turned toward me, his eyes still burned red.
"Go.... oh please just go..." His voice was demonic.
I turned to run, then realized. I had no where to go, I was still homeless, I still had no job, no family, nothing. I wasted the only chances I had to end this lonely existence due to my trepidation of pain. "God, I am a coward." I muttered. I turned back toward the vampire, He was almost out of my vision. I race toward him, determined to beg him to take my life. I really must be insane to even entertain the idea of throwing myself to the undead.
when I found him, it was to late. He had already found dinner. He held a women, her head lolled on her shoulders like a rag doll. I should have been terrified, but instead I was jealous. Enraged at seeing him holding another women so shortly after he had been about to bury his fangs in to my neck.
"What? Was I not good enough to eat?" I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. He looked at me with a shocked expression.
"What are you doing?" he asked trying to wipe the blood from his lips before I could see.
"I changed my mind." I told him hotly thinking that should have explained it all. The lady in his arms moaned, he set her aside, whispered something in her ear and turned toward me standing there with my hands on my hips.
"I just never had my meals chase me down." he offered his hand to me. I hesitated it before taking it.
"come." He said. We walked for a little while, neither of us said a word.
Coming to an abrupt stop, he faced me, his once fierce red eyes were now a midnight blue. He stared down at me, a question evident on his mind.
"Why?" I said.
"why what?" he ran is fingers along my jaw line.
"Why do I want to die? Why did I call you back?" He nodded his head, I think he already knew but he wanted me to confirm it.
I thought for a moment. I casted my eyes downwards I didn't want him to see the humiliation in them.
"There just isn't anything worth living for." I told him regret thick in my voice. " I once had a dream of being someone. I was foolish enough to chase fallen dreams." The tears started flowing again, I was surprised that those darn tears could still flow. The past months came back to me, the pain of all the misery and betrayal like a fresh tidal wave flooded my emotions.
"I couldn't make him love me, I couldn't make him try." I broke down and drop to my knees. The vampire knelt beside me, he put his hand on my back.



Delilah pain washed over him, Stephan pick through her thoughts, The death of her parents, The man she thought that loved her, He brought her here, then left her with no job, no money, no home. She lived on the street, begging for money. Even going as low as to sell her self. She had lost all hope and faith. This is what has brought her to her current situation. She would rather be dead then to continue on her downward spiral. He wanted to ease her pain. He gathered her in his arms. Take it all, he thought. He pulled her slight body to his.
"No pain." he said dipping head toward her neck.
"No pain." He laved her neck with his tongue tasting the saltiness of her skin. The ebb and flow of her blood called to him. "No pain." he whispered again, then sank his fangs in to the flesh of her neck.



I don't know what I expected from being bit by a vampire. What ever it was, it wasn't this. His fangs pierced my skin, it was merely a small sting followed by a extreme pleasure, I think a moan escaped passed my lips. I began to under stand how all the gothic chicks could get off on this vampire kick. The pleasure soon lead to a slight light headiness, I felt like I had been drinking. Then a feeling of floating......


Stephen pulled back, her blood was like the sweetest nectar he had ever tasted. Her head rolled back on her shoulders her shallow breathing was in indication of her wanning life. As he drank her blood, he caught glimpses of her life, She at one time was a beautiful talented young lady with a lot of promise. He ran is thumb along the side of her face.
"So much beauty...." He said aloud.
He cursed himself for what he was about to do. He couldn't just let take her life, with all the ugliness she had experience he couldn't just let her die without seeing the beauty he had grown to love. He bit a gash in his wrist, as the blood welled up he pressed it to her parted lips.
"Drink." he urged rubbing her throat to allow the substance to easily pass in to her system. When he thought that she had enough to sustain her life, he lifted her and carried her to his home. His movement was a ripple in the air faster than the human eye could see.


I felt like I was floating on the clouds, as I opened my eyes I realized I was on a soft bed, My angel of mercy hovered over me.
"Am I in heaven." I asked my throat parched. The angel smiled down at me.
"No you are not in heaven." My heart climbed in to my throat.
"I'm not? Am I in...."
"No." My angel had said.
He handed me a glass. I sat up on the fluffy pillows, Putting the cup to my lips. I swallowed the thick contents, it tasted coppery but not unpleasant, anything was good to my parched throat.
"What is this?" I asked sleep still thick in my voice.
I emptied the rest of the liquid in my mouth as my Angel had taken the cup from my hands.
"It's blood." he said.
I spit what was left in my mouth out all over the blanket. Spots of red stained the white fabric. I sobered up enough to look at my surroundings. I was in a huge Victorian style oak bed. The bedding was of high quality and apparently very old. I was sorry for ruining it.
The room was otherwise modestly furnished with matching night stands and chest of drawers. I could've probably appreciated the room had I not realized that my angel of mercy was actually the hot vampire who was suppose to take my life.
"What have you done?" I asked my voice sounded small even to me.
"I took your life?" He said.
Not believing what he said I patted myself, my arms, chest, legs. I felt different but I was still here.
"But I am here, alive, not dead." He sat on the edge of the bed covering some of the spit up blood.
"Undead." He said matter of fact.
I wasn't sure if I heard him correctly. I covered my mouth with my fingers, shaking my head in denial. No this couldn't be true. He couldn't have made me like him. He just couldn't.
"I wanted to die.." I accused him. "Not live forever." He moved closer to me pulling me into his embrace. My own tears flooded my eyes, not tears of water but tears of blood.
"I am sorry... I am sorry.." he whispered in my ear. "I couldn't take your life. I realized as your heart stuttered to an end, I didn't want to take it. I wanted to share it with you." I tilted my head up to look in to his eyes, the bluest eyes you ever seen, so deep with emotion. He lend in to kiss me, his lips just a breath away. "I want to keep you." He breathed in to my parted lips, then gave me the best mind blowing kiss I have ever received in my life. As he kissed my fears away flashes of a life that could be played like a movie in my mind. When he reluctantly pulled away, I sighed. I lose my life to find a life, In the arms of my saving Vampire.

 

 

Author's Note

this was just a short story... i wasn't all to interested in the grammer

Reviews

[Michael Lasalle]

Diana, this is truly mystifying,
magically seductive, holding the
passion of the night, wow, i felt
myself taken to another time and
place, sensually enchanting,
spellbound romance, supernatural
tale of love, masterfully rendered,
i personally love the aspect of vampires.
peace! mike

[Jonathan Bryant Dean]

I really like this story. It is a dark romance, almost a horror story. The plot is good. and with some editing this has great potential. I would like to see how the story developes from here


For some reason the image that you have used in this piece causes the text to go off screen, which makes it hard to read. I had to cut and paste the text into Word-perfect to read the story.

I would suggest double-spacing between paragraghs and between lines of dialogue,

Here are some typos and errors that I have found:

Visions of my life floated on the surfaces, desolate pictures of a shattered existence. -- surface

I was stunned by what I seen, the mostyummiest man I have ever seen stood there silhouetted by the silvery moon light, his raven hair fell well past his shoulders he wore black jeans and a black tight fitting t shirt.

I was stunned by what I saw, the yummiest man I have ever seen stood there silhouetted by the silvery moon light. His raven hair fell well past his shoulders. He wore black jeans and a black tight fitting t shirt.

I try to run but his grip on me was like a vise. I pleaded, to afraid now to die... --You are writing in past tense, so it should be "tried."

There should be a seperation like ~~**~~ or something each time the narration changes from the girl to the vampires point of view.

Stephen held the women in his arms, she was pretty and so young. -- woman

she was afraid of him he was sure, and she well should be, after all he was a monster. -- Capitalize She.

Give her the death she so desperately seeked. -- sought

With a crack of his neck he turned head, his eyes a feral red. There are some pieces missing in the sentence. Here is a corrected version:
With a crack of his neck he turned his head toward her, his eyes were feral red.

He turned and stocked off. -- stalked

I casted my eyes downwards I didn't want him to see the humiliation in them. -- cast

Delilah pain washed over him, Stephan pick through her thoughts, The death of her parents, The man she thought that loved her, He brought her here, then left her with no job, no money, no home. This is a run-on sentence and there are some punctuation and tense errors. Here is a better version:

Delilah's pain washed over him. Stephan picked through her thoughts; The death of her parents, The man that she thought loved her. That man brought her here, then left her with no job, no money, no home.

I don't know what I expected from being bit by a vampire. -- bitten

Her head rolled back on her shoulders her shallow breathing was in indication of her wanning life. -- waning

As he drank her blood, he caught glimpses of her life, She at one time was a beautiful talented young lady with a lot of promise. --- Run-on sentence w/capitalization issues--

As he drank her blood, he caught glimpses of her life. At one time she was a beautiful talented young lady with a lot of promise.

He lend in to kiss me, his lips just a breath away. -- leaned


Those are the edits that I have found, I hope this helps,

JBD

[Diane]

Outstanding piece of writing,had me hooked from the first sentence.Now and then reading the dark side of life is uplifting and this you do so very well..Well done Diana..Diane

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

An Excellent piece.......had a nice pace and flow to it. Would deffinatly want to read more it you post it :)

[Marie]

Nicely written. Please send me more if you're going to write more.

[Chillbear Latrigue]

You're writing style is very pleasing. It goes from very heavy and dark to comical and light. I thought the choice of the word "tush" almost disturbing. I am not sure how I feel about the switching of points of view in the first person. I think in time I would get used to it, but at first I found it a bit confusing. I like the story though. I think that there is a lot to build on from this scene. It was also a good first draft. Other than occasional punctuation and capitalization problems, it was easy to read.

[Autumn Dawn Gorny]

very well done and good detail.

[Sean M. Addams]

very good start to this lots of great detail in this ... i'd to read to see how this develops

[Amor-de-angel]

Really good,i want to to read more too. i was engrossed from the start,excellent

[Shane Patrick]

amazing read... the character roles in this are intriguing I am waiting for the next part to learn more... grabbed me right away.. well done my friend!

[Chris Van Houten]

wow
this was pretty damn good! Enjoyed what i read and looking foward to reading more when i get back 8D