Surrender to the Night

Night Controls my life,

It's a cold that surrounds my blackened heart.

A dreamless state throughout the day.

A hunger that does not subside.

It's my own hatred that consumes me,

This hell is my world.

 

I am not alive, but undead.

My sould is damned to enter

in to eternity.

I walk this world alone as an immortal.

A kiss of darkness has condemned me

to drown in a crimson tide.

 

Pain is a curse that follows,

I am the fear in humans,

I am the monster in the dark.

 

Please forgive me...

Please forgive me for what I am.

For I have surrendered to the night.

 

 

Author's Note

this is just a restore

Reviews

[Brette Medb]

I really, really liked this and you used one of my favorite words; subside! It sounds so weird that one of my favorite words would be subside but it is, I just like the way it rolls off the tongue.

Really good imagery! I like the crimson tide as well. Great work, thanks for sending it to me!

[genocide]

very good vampire poem it's dark how i like it

[DonGilbert]

nice

[Vampstyle]

another great vamp poem

[Legion]

Gritty and dark. :) I like it. And I love the pics you use with this.

[Gary H]

There's a really good feel of the darkness of a vampiric experience in this. I'm wondering what this would look like on a black background with white writing.
Personally I would remove the two 'It's' from the poem and maybe look at the 'a's as well. I just feel this would make the whole poem more ethereal.
Also the last line I would divide in two and leave a space before the final surrendering -

'Please forgive me....
Please forgive me for what I am,

For I have surrendered to the dark.'

I think this just adds to the build up of the final conclusion which is, for me, the most important part of the writing.

Very good and intriguing.

[Michael Lasalle]

diana, sweeping emotions capturing the beautyof the haunting, the darkishness is overshadowing,as the ominous graceful feeling in your flow,in imagery and clarity hynotizes the reader's thoughts with the mystery of night and its effect on the heart, masterful expression, peace, mike

[E. J. Gette]

I agree with Ms Murren. You speak with such grace when you do your dark work. It is definately your forte.
Keep writing.

[Chris Zahar]

Personally, I've never understood the doomed, or damned qualities of vampires. What exactly are they doomed to? Immortal beauty? Being a near universal object of worship and lust? Having the super human power that can easily transcend the worldly laws of puny nature and even punier mortals? Having the power to turn all of your loved ones into fellow immortals so you never have to loose them again. Give me a break. A man suffering from Alzheimer's disease who can't even control his own bowels is doomed. An African child, starving to death and dying of HIV is doomed. Joseph "The Elephant Man" Merrick was doomed. A boy who looses his mother and father to a car wreck is doomed. But a vampire isn't doomed to anything. That's why I could never understand why vampires were evil. I could never understand why culture would glorify someone like "Buffy" or that pompous a*****e, Blade, for killing creatures that are essentially giving humans eternal beauty and life. I absolutely adore and I would sell my soul (what little there is of it) any day of the week without so much as a Milli-second hesitation to be a vampire. In fact, my only regret about vampires is that they aren't real. I think the only reason people give vampires their "damned" qualities are to add a further dimension of romance to the character. Love is always more passionate when there is pain or struggle involved. That says something about the masochistic character of humans.

But now to your poem. Overall, you capture the "doom" and miserable character of the vampire very well. Words such as "crimson" flow so beautifully off the tongue. Yet other things that you have said have been used so frequently in other vampire novels that they seem to be a little on the cliche side. "Blackened heart" for instance. Yet, these are certainly minor problems that my poetry is full of, and they can be fixed very easily, and certainly aren't worth working yourself up over. The pictures also add a wonderful visual dimension, but, despite their beauty, still manage to serve as the back drop to your work, instead of vice versa.

[Susan M. Fenn]

Oooo... I love this portrait of Vampire's life. Very nice, clean, and still sensual.

[E. M. Murren]

Wonderful. I find vampires a deep spiritual metaphor. Your poetry is gentle considering the topic. You speak with grace.