The lonely girl

A girl who felt like she didn't belong in the world.

Nobody knew what she was going through

Things would’ve been different if they knew

She cried herself to sleep every night

Her parents tried to help but she put up a fight

In the day she pretended to be happy

She fooled everybody

Her smile hid her secrets

She refused to show her weakness

Every class she sat on her own

The teachers thought she liked to be alone

One night her parents weren’t home

She went into the bathroom all alone

She had a kitchen knife

And took her own life

 

 

 

Reviews

[beautiful dreamer]

this is a very common issue in the world. so sad.i like the couplet form poetry! your rhyme scheme is good, not perfect rhymes everywhere, but it adds to the "out of place" feel of the poem nicely. consider adding a she in the last line as it would help with fluidity. consider the use of punctuation as well, it adds some suspense to a piece. these are all just little things that could potentially improve the poem, none are necessary, as its very good as is. You should try writing more poetry!

[Dead]

This really relates to a lot of people including me! :) awesome job

[Anka Starr]

It really resonates with me and brings up some memories....
You didn't use many words yet you nailed the message so well!
Bravo!

[KittyKatgirl]

Thank you :)

[WriterGirl101]

Wow.. Very emotional poem here.
Loved it.. Really great

[KittyKatgirl]

Thank you :)

[HipsterPrincess17]

One of the reasons this story caught my attention because this is a real life problem.

I love the emotion that you put into this poem. I felt like I was the girl and when it hit the end when she killed herself I felt so horrible.

Good job Crystal

[KittyKatgirl]

Thank you :)

[HipsterPrincess17]

Anytime Crystal! Thank you for sharing this poem. :)

[Cody]

I love how this crashes into the dimension of reality. This happens too many times. A beautiful awareness.

[KittyKatgirl]

Thank you :)

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Wow! It was very sad but true.
No person, no one should be able to feel this way... But they do...
Very well written and it touched me,
Can I just say though, you have potential!
My favorite part was, "Nobody knew what she was going through
Things would’ve been different if they knew
She cried herself to sleep every night
Her parents tried to help but she put up a fight
In the day she pretended to be happy"
Please continue to write and read!
Can you by chance look at my story The Blonde Girl, It would really mean a lot to me.
Your new fan,

C. Lee Battaglia

[KittyKatgirl]

Thank you so much and of course :)

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Your welcome Crystal!
And thank you!

[butterfly desire]

This is so amazing. I think for someone. who dose'nt
really read poetry that much you sure have a talent to
write. I was one year younger than you when I
started you should give it a chance keep.
writing.

[KittyKatgirl]

Thank you so much :)

[butterfly desire]

Your welcome

[Amy R]

wow this was such a sad poem, but its quite factual with lonely ones nowadays! That's all they see when they try to put up with everything, all they see is the thought of suicide.
good job! :)

[KittyKatgirl]

Thank you :)

[Cherry Pepperweb]

So terribly sad, how many people feel alienated and never get the help they need...
Nice work.

[KittyKatgirl]

Thank you so much :)