Lucifer Ex Machina

I am the spear the stars threw down when they cried,
I am the galaxy of stardust and tears,
I am the universe and all of its fears.

This body is bogged down in bitterness,
Jealousy jabs through my ribcage, my innocence.
I cannot remove myself from rage, for I am entrenched in it.
I am not clean. None of us are.

Love and kindness are the patron saints of mankind,
And we their charity case.
We must journey to them,
In hopes of having their divine hands clasp ours in prayer.
We wish to be martyred,
But that is an unattainable feat.

It is not human to love when it comes as an opportunity,
And one has to open a business in barter and trade to maintain it.
It is not human to love when it is necessary to chip at it, chisel it away,
To whisk it into a forlorn cache
Just so it is meet to see sunlight.

It is not human to love when we say that sometimes,
Love looks like fear
Love looks like pain,
Love looks like a rope drawn taut,
Love looks like a knot pulled tight,
Love looks like blood.
No, it is not human to love. It is human to take.

If my lungs held starlight,
Why did the heavens cast me out?
Was I so repulsive to the very saints I bow to
That I couldn't live amongst them, for a little while longer?
I must be too mortal for them. Too flawed.

Down here the people live on their own,
Walking around expectantly for a miracle to drop in their lap.
For love to drop in their lap.
And for them, it does.
For them any miniscule opportunity is a miracle
And they take it and run like they were born thieves.
But of course, they were born thieves.

I never learned to take like they did-
In the skies it was always given,
And in that way I know I was blessed.
But now, I am bound by earthly fetters,
Each mistep, each rejection, each godforsaken f**k-up!
Haunts me.
So instead of learning to take,
I learned to want nothing.
I learned to fast like the devout.

Then, out of the blue, the pink, the fading colors of the sky
Love dropped in my lap.
And I was so shocked that I mistreated it- I was so, so ignorant.
But after I began to relish it,
Relish the perfect moments in every day,
The past and my bonds began to haunt me once more.
And then, at my weakest, it was ripped away from me!
It was ripped away from me!
Not cruelly, but necessarily.
And I am still bleeding.

Having tasted the nectar of the gods,
I cannot go without any longer.
I am ravenous, obsessed,
When I was so used to being alone, barren.
The cruelest part of all is I used to be proud of my detachment,
That I could be alone without wanting more.
And now, I cannot bear one second without longing
For everything I could've, and should've, had.

I have learned to take now.
I have learned to clamor desperately for love like everyone else.
I suppose my stardust has burned off by now,
For I am compelled to make pilgrimage to the saints that loved me,
The saints that threw me down.

Reviews

[usman]

Well written indeed!..hope you will not have difficulty when searching for your true love.

Nice job

[Emily]

Thank you so much usman!