I remember�

A story of my life

By Francis Branney

Monday, 26 January 2009

I remember…

“Is some Grammar mistakes I do apologize “


As far back as I can remember...

I was about 5 years old, I can remember well.  I was in Saint Dudes walk in the Divis flats, that's where my grandma lived, it was at the heart of the troubles in west Belfast.  I remember looking over the railing, and seeing cars and buses burning in the distance, the black smoke covered the areas like a fog from the dark side.  Their was a bin shute down the bottom of the walk way, and across from that was stairs, as well as an opening covered buy railings.  The little lad that lived beside my grandma, I can't recall his name, but we played together.  And I remember one day the police and army where all over the flats, kicking in people's doors and such.  Down below the railings their where police standing, so we got pieces of wood and threw them down at them, when we ran out of wood, my friend went into his grandma's flat and took plates and cups, then we dropped them down on the police, it was really funny after all we where just weein's.  I do remember alot during the troubles, even at a small age, I think we all did. 

I remember staying at my grandma's flat God rest her soul, my mum and dad left me their for her to mind, as they went too work the next day, when they left the flat, I followed them down the stairs, but it was blocked by a barricade, and their was two men standing with guns and wool covering their faces.  It was the PIRA, they had blocked of the stair wells so the police and army couldn't get up.  They saved our areas from the dark fog that the British had sent. 

My aunt Alice lived facing the divis flats, she was a nice women, very kind hearted.  I remember the day I was in her flat I was about 5, my grandma and I had went shopping and on our way back we called in.  My grandma had bought me a pair of shoes, that's where I learned to tie my laces for the first time, in Aunt Alice's flat, I was so shufffed.  My aunt Alice lived near Saint Peters Church, I was told that during ww2 everything around the church was destroyed, except for the church.  And when the British soldiers came for the first time that people made them tea and food, made them welcome.  And look what they done too us...

I remember the barricades across the streets, the burning vehicles, shots being heard in the distance, even explosions.  Those where the days even though the war was on, we did have good days back then, I remember my Grand Father God rest his soul.  He used to work in an Auction House he was a janitor, he looked after the place.  He used to bring me down too it, I recall there being suits of armour in it, I was about 6 years old, it was the first time I had seen anything that looked grand.  I remember trying to lift one of the swords, but it was way too heavy.  I used to go out with my Grand Father all the time when my parents where working, he and my Grand Mother looked after me.  His name was Frank, like my own name, my parents call me Frankie but I prefer Frank, I was named after Saint Martin I think, or my uncle Frank who lives in Inverness Scotland.  He works on the oil rigs, I have yet to meet him.  But someday I will visit Inverness and meet cousins that I haven't met yet. 

Anyway, where was I ah yes my Grand Father he was a good man, well respected.  He used to work on the rail roads here putting down tracks and other stuff, he died on October 2008 may his soul rest in peace and I know that he is with my Grand Mother in Heaven.

I have no idea why I started to write this, was it to say how my life was affected by the war here, as well as many others.  To have very good friends and family murdered by the army or the police, or the loyalists.  I do recall some things about my childhood, but most of it was during the war as one could put it.  Do I want to talk about the war, not really why should I, why dig up the past that is long and not forgotten.  Or should I talk about the dark life that I once had many years before, when the days when I was smoking cannabis, drinking and taking other drugs to hide from the outside world are those the words that one wants to read? My dark days when I was getting in trouble with the police for being drunk, and acting a bollix.  We have all had our dark days here in Belfast.

I don't want to really talk about my child hood days in Belfast, I was young and didn't really get into trouble till I was in secondary school.  In primary school I was a good student...yeah right!  Nah in primary school I enjoyed art class and computer class, back then we didn’t have much to keep us occupied, apart from the school library.  I remember we used to get the wee bottles of milk at lunch time, we used to love them until that fecker Thatcher took them away from us...aswell as many other things, those brave men died for their country and they called them criminals...may they rest in peace for someday Ireland will be free.

Ah yes, secondary school I went to CBS on the glen road.  I remember starting off in first year, I had most of my friends with me.  And most of us where in the same class, which was way cool.  What I liked about the school was the art classes and computer classes, I remember saying to myself back then when I first started to use computers, that someday I will work with them either for myself or to teach others.  When I wasn't in class I was on the beak, as in bunking off school with my friends, there were six off us.  Most of us had known each other from primary school Saint Galls that used to be in Waterville Street in the clonard area of the city.  Each morning we would meet at the junction off the Falls Road and the bottom of the Springfield Road at 8:45am each morning.  From there we would make our way into town and go to hi-park it was like a small mall, they had a pizza place there and if we had money we would buy a roma pizza every time, it was cheese, tomato and ham.  That's all we could afford between us at the time.  I remember the first time I was caught shop lifting, me and my friend the Earl went into Eason’s that used to be where the new mall is now Victoria centre.  We went into the shop I had been wearing a hooded top under my school uniform, we went to the 3rd floor as that’s where all the cool pens and markers that could be found.  I recall going to the counter they had been selling army pens, I recall lifting one and sliding it up my arm.  I seen the Earl at the back of the shop I nodded to him and we made our way down the stairs, as we where going down he put his pen in my hood, and was spotted by a floor walker.  As we made our way out the front of the shop, we where stopped by security staff.  We where like hey we didn't do anything feck off.  They brought me and the Earl to the 3rd floor and out through a door which lead into a room.  There was a security guard and a worker they asked us to empty our school bags and we did, beforehand we had been in a shop and stole some toy cars.  When opened our school bags and dumped the contents onto the table, when they asked where was the pens that we had stole, we said what pens, the guard put his hand in my hood and took out the pen, he had said that the Earl was spotted putting the pen into me hood and that’s how we where caught.  They then searched me and as the guard was taking off my uniform the pen fell out that I had stole.  They told us they where calling the police and they did, so about 10mins later the police arrived and took me and the Earl to Musgrave police station.  While we where at the station that had us both together, at the main desk.  An officer came out to us and asked if we had any other stolen stuff on us, we showed him the toy cars and he was not happy, asking us what shop we got them from, but we didn't recall the shop.  He took the toy cars and out them in a bag, telling us that it would be later used in court.  We where like court feck where only 14, when the officer left us to go into the next room to call our parents the Earl went for an open window to get onto the roof, but then the officer came back in pulling him down from the window.  They made us tea, saying we could go to jail, but we knew it was our first offence and we would be let off with a warning, so it didn't bother us, and we knew they knew.  Not long after that our parents arrived, my dad came down to get me, we where in a room their was my dad and the Earl's mum, the officer explained what had happened and that we where getting a warning.  After our parents filled in some police forms, that let us be on our way.  I recall me and my dad walking up from the police station making our way up home, he asked me why I had stolen the pen and I said I had no money to buy one, he wasn't happy and I was grounded for 2 weeks.  Me and the Earl where good friend's he was like a brother to me as I was an only child.  Their was me Esquire, The Earl, The Squire, Chewbacca, and two others I can't recall their nick names, but they know who they are, not that they will read this unless I get it published...

So each morning we would meet and go into town, I recall the day we all went to the Ulster museum on the beak from school.  Their used to be an old commentary and the back of the museum I think they still have it to this day, it has been many a year since I have been to the museum.  Anyway, we went into it looking at the different graves they had been really old, we where just curious at the dates when the people died, like way back in the 1800's.  As we where looking we heard a man shout get the hell outta their, we where like yeah right we only looking, so he chased us out of the cemetery and we went over the wall into the botanic gardens and away like the wind. 

I have just remembered this, I thought I forgot about it, and I have not told anyone about this, so this will be the first time this has been mentioned, me and my friend Paul where on the beak one day, and we where sitting in the bandstand that was in the botanic gardens, we where having a smoke when this man came along, he sat beside us and asked where we where from we told him West Belfast and that we where on the beak from school.  He told us that he had a flat not far from where we where, and asked us to go back with him, so we did.  He lived near the train station the second street on the left up from it, where the street is still their now.  He told us to go to the back of the flat as there was an alley, and we did.  Just then he opened the back door to his flat and we went in.  It was a small room he had shared the kitchen with the rest of the house hold.  We went into his room there was a small single bed, a tv and a desk aswell as a sofa, he told us to relax as he went and made tea, when he left the room I said to Paul this dude is freaky I wonder what he's up to, we decided that if he tried anything funny we would jump him.  Just then the dude came back into the room carrying two cups of tea, he handed us the tea and he sat on the sofa.  He asked us if we wanted to watch and porn movies and we said no, I looked at Paul saying to myself this dude is freaky.  After we had finished the tea we told him we had to go that school time was over, as we where about to leave he told us we could come back anytime, so we said sure we will be back tomorrow.  And tomorrow we did come back, we decided to find out who he really was, as we here in his flat Paul said he was going to the shop to get some cigs, so I was left alone with the dude, he had been reading a pr0n magazine, when he was finished he handed it too me, saying isn't that a nice women.  When I took the magazine their was a bit of paper between the pages and it said "if you want to make money do what I do" when I looked at him he was about to play with himself, and I was like yeah right I gotta get outta here, just then Paul came back to the room, and the dude asked us if we wanted tea Paul said yeah, and he left for the kitchen. I told Paul what had happened and showed him the piece of paper, he was like who the f**k is this dude some sort of pervert.  I was sitting at the desk and the dude's coat was over the chair, I put my hand in his pocket and took out his wallet, Paul took the wallet from me and I took out his id card, just then he came back into the room catching me red handed, he asked what I was doing I said I just wanted to know your real name, he took the id from me.  He didn’t see the wallet that Paul had.  We made our excuses and made our way away from the flat agreeing that this was a pervert and other people could be in danger.  So we called the police and explained to the lady what had happened that a pervert was on the loose, she asked for our details but I give a bum name.  We waited at the bottom of the street and about 20mins later a police jeep arrived and they went to the door of the flat, we didn't hang about and left and made our way back into the town, just then Paul pulled a wad of cash from his pocket, we where rich again...

yeah we have come across some strange mother fuckers in our travels as one could put it, yeah we robbed the dude, but hey we needed the cash more than he did, I guess your thinking too oneself thieving lil b******s...we where young about 15 we didn't know right from wrong...

We did have some fun on the beak from school, I recall the day we where on the beak in the City Commentary we went their alot, we had met two girls from the girls school across the road from it I can't recall the name.  Anyway, we met these two girls they said they lived in the Malone road area of the city where all the big bugs lived as in rich folk.  One of them said they where beaking school cause their parents where mad at them for having a house party and the people their done some damage to the house and now they where on the run.  They asked us to rob their school and get them some clothes, yeah right we where like, we ain't robbing no school, just for clothes we don't have a layout of it and nothing has been planned.  Anyway, we didn't rob it and sent them on their way.

The time me and the Earl went on the run to Carnlough...

We had stole some cash from our parents...[thieving lil b******s] and made our way to Carnlough at that time it was my first visit, but the Earl had been there before and had know a girl called Karen, she lived their.  When we arrived we went to her house and she opened the door and let us in we explained what had happened and that we where on the run.  I recall her dad he had picked potatoes as a job and she had a lil brother who loved wrestling, her sister was dating a fella he was republican minded.  Anyway, after we had stayed their for a couple of days we made our way back to Belfast.  The second time we went back was about 3 years later, so me and the Earl said to Karen that we where in jail and that’s why we had not visited in such a long time, she believed us.  The 2nd time around her Father had died, God rest his soul.

We where on the run again...this time their was 3 of us, we had stayed it a barn and I remember well that someone had cut a cat in half and stuck its top part of the body in the hay, and I couldn't sleep so I put hay covering it [some evil feckers bout doing that to a poor cat] anyway, I was dating a girl at the time she lived in Pole glass, we where on the phone to our other brother in Belfast and he told us to come back home and that things where grand, and we where like yeah right, he told me my girl friend was dating someone else, I was not happy but he only said that so we would come home, after a couple of days and us getting drunk, we came back to Belfast to face the music.

[I'm away to get some Sunday lunch, I have been typing this last two hours and I'm lee marving, starving]

I suppose your saying to one self, why did we not like school.  Cause it was crap, what did I learn at school that was interesting art, writing and computers aye and how to steal cars and borrow things...we didn't go about robbing people, most of the cash we stole was from our parents and they had little but we stole it, most of the money I stole was for drink or drugs or glue...nowadays I don't touch them, it was cannabis that put me in hospital, and I took two breakdowns, I was trying to learn everything at once, plus the girl I was dating when I got out of hospital didn't understand how ill I was and how I couldn't work full time again and only 16 hrs a week as I'm on the sick.  Just because she was working and I wasn't, I did look for work but was told to take it easy by my doctor, and not to rush into things, you think I want to sit here 7 days a week, writing stories that will never be published, playing war games, making websites then deleting them, just to show myself I can do them.  The girl I was dating at the time was from Indonesia I met her years ago when I was on the net chatting, so we talked for about 3 years then I went to see her in Kuala Lumpur she was a fashion student.  I was their twice visiting her on 2 occasions, and then we went to Indonesia to visit her parents.  When I took sick and stayed in hospital for many a month, they sent me to Windsor House for 2 weeks, then to the Mater for 3 months, then to Down shire for 2 days, then to Avoca for 3 months then back to the Mater for another 2 months then I was released, and here I am...but before all that I was in the Mater and Avoca before, that was about 4 years ago or more.  I have stopped drinking alcohol and taking drugs, although I'm on prescription drugs.  But before I talk about that and what happened to me, I want to talk about when I was in jail, that was back in 1997.   When I was 22 years old I was getting drunk alot and fighting with police officers, my best mate the Earl was murdered back in 1991 by the RUC he was only 17...he was shot in a stolen car, he was a back seat passenger.  I recall the night before it I had called to his house on the Springfield Road at about 6:45pm he had been watching the rugby on tv the all blacks where playing.  When it was over he went to the off licence with me to buy some beers.  We then made our way to the Dunville Park to meet with the rest of our friends, after arriving their I was given some glue, so I started to sniff it and the other friends where going into the town to do some shopping, and wanted me to go I told the Earl to go ahead I would see him later, and off they went. 

Anyway, I got drunk and headed home I never seen the Earl that night.  When I awoke the next morning and made my way to the Cotty Mill was a place where we used to hang out, I seen a friend and he told me the Earl was dead and that their hand been a stolen car, and the driver got shot in the shoulder and the passenger never got shot.  I didn't believe him, I made my way home and told my parents what I was told, I remember my mum saying it must be a mistake.  I made my way round to the Earl's house, I rang the bell and his aunt came to the door, I asked if Gerry [The Earl] was their, she asked me to come in, his mum was their standing she was crying she put her arms around me and told me Gerry was dead...At the morning of his funeral I was getting ready, the police came to my door and asked me to go with them, I was putting on my shoes when the cop said you can do that in the back of the jeep, my dad said he will do it here.  They drove to Beech mount and parked at the side of the road, something told me that they where arresting the passenger of the car.  We waited for about 30mins and then they drove me to Grove nor Police Station, I was put in a room with two officers, they asked me when I last saw Gerry, I told them I seen him the previous night.  They said to me that another car had been involved and that I knew about it, I didn't was news to me.  After they questioned me they told me to stay put, it was my friends funeral and these b******s where holding me.  It was 10:30am the funeral was at 11am, I opened the office door and walked out explaining to the officer that I would be late for the funeral, I told him if you don't let me out of here I will f*****g wreck the place and kill you's b******s, he took my arm and made his way to some stairs, he told me to wait with the other officer, apparently their commander was having his breakfast, and they where going to ask him if I could be released to go to my friends funeral, he said I could and they let me go.  I remember ruining up the road as fast as I could, when I got to his house, they had already left, I made my way around to the church, they had just finished mass and the funeral was on its way.  I made my way to the start of the funeral, my friend Frankie was their my dad told them I was arrested and they asked what had happened so I told them.  I carried his coffin my tears running down my face, for I had lost a true brother, to the scum of the earth.

I went to the inquest about his death, I was so angry I wanted to kill the fuckers who took his young life.  They never got prosecuted they got off like they always did.

We had made plans before he was murdered, we where on the beak one day up in Black Mountain, talking about what we would do when we where 18, Gerry said we would go to Sciliy that they had a place there, where you paid so much and could taste there wines all day and get drunk.  And that we would live in Italy and enjoy life, but our dream never came true.  I just hope he is happy where he is now, and I know he looks down upon me...

We have all lost loved ones in the past, but they are not forgotten.  For they are in our hearts.

When I was 22 I was getting into a lot of trouble with the police, getting drunk and fighting with them, taking drugs.  The police where at my door alot, I seemed to be bringing them into the area.  I had been reading the magazine Irelands Own and at the back of it their was pen pals, so I found a girl called Pamela and she was English, she had been in college in Southampton.  So I started writing to her, at that time I got a visit to the door, and I was told you can stay here and carry on being a bollix or leave the country for a while,  I didn't know that my mum had contacted Pamela and told her I had to leave the country, two days later I was in Southampton...I was 22 and Pamela was 19 I fell in love with her, I stayed with her in the single room in the college dorm.  It was my first time away from Ireland, I started to drink alot, as we do.  Anyway, I stayed there for about 2 years, but one day she told me her sister was coming to visit her, grand I said.  Before that we had made love many a time, one day we got a test from the doctors and it said she was pregnant.  So I called back home telling my buddies I was gonna be a dad, anyway found out she wasn't pregnant.  The day her sister came to visit Pamela said she had to go to a clinic to see a doctor, I thought it was depression she had and off I went with her and her sister drove us there.  Her sister waited in the car and I went in with her, it was a normally house on a normal street, I waited downstairs in the waiting room, she was upstairs.  When I think about it now, I think she had an abortion...after waiting for about an hour we left and back to the college we went.  Before I went to see her she told her dad that I was from Belfast, her brother was a soldier in the tank regiment, and she had photos of her brother and his friends in the room, she told me her dad told her to remove the photos, because I was from Belfast and could be in the PIRA.  Back then anyone from here was a terriost, ah well.

Anyway, I stayed in England for a while but couldn't seem to get a job, was it my accent oh look another Irish fecker from Belfast.  It was near Xmas time and I was invited up to her parents house they lived in Lancashire, Hun coat.  Her brother lived about 5 miles away he was married, I met him once, he was ok...And her sister lived with her parents she had been a nurse, and her last boyfriend was a header he kept calling her on the phone to get back with her, she had a face like a wet carrot. [lol]  So we got invited to a Xmas party and I was told their was an ex-paratrooper who had served in Northern Ireland.  So off to the party we went, and I was talking to a fella and he told me he was an ex Para, that had served here and that he thought the place was mad, I agreed.  So we got drinking and their was loads drink so I made him several Irish car bomb drinks at the end of the night he was full, so his wife said to him time to go home, he freaked out tore off his shirt and ran screaming into the night and it was snowing like mad.  After the party we made our way back to Pam’s house.  I was told the next day that the Para dude went home wrecked his house and the cops where called out and he smacked two of them, and was arrested, my fault...

When exmas was over we headed back to Southampton, a couple of weeks later we made our way back to Belfast so she could meet my parents.  Before I knew she had a pen pal he was from the east of the city, when we arrived in the west.  She called him up and asked to meet with him.  We meet him in the town, from their he invited me to his house, I was weary at first a catholic going into a protestant area, he told me I would be ok, after a couple of beers in his house we went to a bar, he said if anyone asked me I was his cousin visiting from England.  The bar had steel doors it looked like a barracks as most of them did in that time.  We entered the bar and where sitting in the corner, their was a fella playing the poker machine, I went up to get another round in and while waiting for it, I started talking to him asking was he wining much and he said no, I went back to the table with the drinks.  After a couple of hours we left and me and Pam made our way back to my house.  The next day we left my house heading into town, as we where walking down the road a friend stopped me and asked for a cig, I checked myself I had left them at home, I went back to my house to get them, Pam and my friend where talking, when I came out of the house, a police jeep jumped the kerb and almost ran me over, the door opened and the cop jumped out pinning me against the neighbours fence, he said what you up to branney ya wee b*****d still hitting cops are ya, I told him to f**k off, just then Pam ran up the street towards me, the cop got in his jeep and left.  The same cop two years later got a bottle of port smashed over his head, mofo.  After staying a couple of weeks in Belfast we left for the UK again.  On our second journey back we met Pam's friend again from east Belfast I can't recall his name, I think it was David not sure, well anyway.  We met him for a drink in the town again, we went to a bar near castle court for a drink, after the bar we and Pam where making our way home and she wanted to go back to the bar that we where in, I told her no and we had a fight, she left me near the Europe Hotel, she left me standing in the rain, so f**k her I said to myself and I made my way to a friends house Tel's Motel.  When I arrived I was soaking from the rain, his mum answered the door, and she called to Tel, I told him what happened and he said I could stay with him and he would look after me, which he did.  A couple of days later I went back home to my parents house, the following day the police came to my house I was in my room drinking old English cider, a police women opened my door and Pam was with her, she asked for her plane ticket, my mum came up the stairs and begged Pam not to leave me that it would kill me, she got her ticket and left.   Later that day and I got cider and bought some glue, I remember walking up clonard street and making my way to the clonard Priests house, I rang the door bell and asked to speak with a Father, after waiting for about 20mins a Father came out and took me to a room, I told him what had happened, he went and got me some tea.  I remember asking him could I go to the toilet and he said yes, I made my way to the toilet, I remember talking off my belt and putting it on the back of the door fastener...Five days later I awoke in a hospital bed, I tried to hang myself, the Father was wondering why I was talking so long and came to see if I was ok, if he had of came 5 mins late I was dead...So I lived, it killed me that she had left me then I found out that David’s girl friend was out shopping and when she came back Pam was in bed with him, so she freaked and left the house, and apparently she went back and set it on fire.  So when I was laying in hospital un awake, my mum called her and asked her to come to my bed side and she refused, cause you want to wake up and see you girl friend there...all I seen was a doctor, and I asked him what had happened and he said I tried to kill myself.

It took me 5 years to get over her, in that time I cut both my wrists, my throat, tried to hang myself and took about 7 overdoses.  When I look back now, I was a fool in love.  The only tattoos I have are the scars from my past, and the memories the good ones, not the bad.  Anyway, I ended up in jail for assaulting a cop, threats to kill and breach of the peace.  Was my first time in prison, at the start it was abit freaky, on the outside I was wondering where most of my friends where, they where in jail...and on the same wing as me so it was ok.  I was on remand for most of the time I was in jail.  They put me in the hospital wing in case I was gonna try and top myself again, I stayed their for about 3 weeks then was moved to Foyle 3 I think it was, can't remember.  I had a couple of cell mates my best was Derek he was from Dublin, he was about 6 years older than me.  His wife used to write him letters, but he couldn't write back to her, he was no good with words, so I done it for him.  One day we where on 23 hour lock ups cause their was no staff, it was a Sunday his wife travelled from the south to see him, she was supposed to be here at 1pm and it was nearly 4, he said to me  I bet them feckers won't let her in, she trying to get me a wee bit smoke.  Just then the cell door opened and the screw said Derek you have a visitor and off he went.  Two hours later he returned, he came into the cell and said she couldn't get me any smoke, I was laying on the bottom bunk reading a book about Al Capone, he jumped up on the top bunk they leaned over holding to me what looked like a half ounce of blow which it was, we started rolling right away and within about 2 hours we where well gone, we had nothing else to do might aswell get high.  We started to get the munchies all we had was a loaf of breed and a box of cornflakes, so we made cornflake sandwiches and he said to me don't ever tell anyone we had them, we where starving.  The food wasn't bad inside it was usually steamed, sausages and all.  I remember the night the fire started I think it was on the news would have been back in 1997-98, I was in a cell across from mine playing poker with a con artist and yes I was cheating...Anyway, we where playing cards and the smoke started to com ein through the cell door, the screws where running about in the hallway, they came into the cell and ordered me into a cell beside mine, the fella I knew he was from cooks town, in the cell they locked us in, and the smoke was coming under the door so we got towels and wet them laying them under the door, to keep the smoke out.  We where banging on the cell door shouting let us out ye b******s, the cell door opened and the screws walked us down to the yard, it was in the middle of the yard.  There was about 100 of us, in the yard where we where standing the smoke could be seen bellowing out of the cell windows, the whole wing was on fire.  After about 20 minutes of us in the yard, they moved all of us into the bigger area that was near the church and the gym, someone had set the bin on fire and the screws came out with a fire extinguisher putting the bin out but left the extinguisher beside the bin, then another bin was set alight and the extinguisher was thrown onto it, 5 minutes later the whole bin was on fire and the extinguisher blew up, we all fell to the ground, such a bang.  In the yard their was a hug fence that separated us from the screws then the police arrived, with their riot gear on and they had guard dogs.  They called our names out and we had to walk through a tunnel of cops and back to our cells that where smoke damaged, they made us sleep in them.  Two days later I was getting bad headaches: P and had to go to the doctor and get painkillers, from the smoke.

Well, when I finally got time I had done most of it on remand, I had 5 months to do, after getting back from court they send you to a wing to stay over night and the next day you get moved to your new wing, as we where standing waiting to be moved, their was a fella wearing a pin stripe suit he was looking at me, and I said I know his face from somewhere, then it dawned on me ah feck Paul and oul mate of mine, and their he was standing dressed like Al Capone, we ended up in the same cell together, before we where moved to Magilligan.  I recall sitting in the cell one day and I noticed a bird flying past my cell door, then a prisoner chasing after it, he was a long timer and he had a budgie in a cage in his cell, but someone opened the cage and the bird got out, it was funny.  We stayed for one week on this wing before being moved on, I had a job we would take out the prison trash an go around parts of the prison emptying it, and we got £1.50 a day.  Then we moved to Magilligan in the middle of no where, each day they give us milk, jam, bread and a packet of biscuits.  I was out in the yard one day we could see army helicopters flying over head and hear gun shots they had an army base bear us.  I was in the yard and it was freezing so I went to the door and rang the bell, I hard a voice saying what do you want and I said I want to come in is freezing here and the voice said you can’t come in, your out their for two hours, I was like feck.  They had a room with a computer in it, their was a table and some old timers where playing poker, so I sat at the computer and a man said it doesn’t work son they took that card game off it solitaire, I went into the screw office and asked did they have any software for the computer and they said no, so I went back to it, and I remembered that solitaire was still on it, I then went to the C Drive then into windows and found solitaire I right clicked on it and made a shortcut to it on the desktop, and it worked.  The old timers thanked me, I had made new friends.

The day of my release I went to see the governor, he give me a train ticket and £36.50 they then picked me up in a van and took me to the train stop which was in the middle of nowhere it was freezing, I was wearing jeans and I took my track bottoms from my bag and put them over the jeans, I waited about an hour for the train to come.  When I arrived in Belfast I went into the Crown Bar and got myself a beer, I then made my way to my Grand Mothers house and stayed their for a couple of days.  The next day I went to the dole office to sign on the dole, and I applied for a crisis loan, while waiting for my dole to be ready and when they asked where I have been I handed them a letter that I got from the governor, saying I have been in jail.

I just remembered there, while I was in jail I got out on parole and was ordered to say in the hostel in Vernon Street near the courthouse, I was told by the judge not to drink alcohol or go near the Falls Road.  When I got to the hostel the fella asked if I minded sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag as their was no beds left, sure I said anything to get out of jail.  When I got settled in I left to go to my bank as I knew I had some cash in my account, when I got to the bank I told the cashier I had just been released from prison and that I had no id on me but I knew my account number, after asking me some details he agreed to give me some cash, he asked how much I had wanted, I thought I had about £40 quid in it, he said their was £430 quid in it I almost died, I took out £410 and left the other 20 in it, I then made my way to the pub and got some beers, after the pub I went to get a carry out and some smoke and made my way to my friends house.  After a couple of hours I was wasted and back on the Falls Road, as I was walking down the road guess what? I was stopped by the cops and 2 hours later I was back in jail, so I was out for 9 hours and all my friends in jail where shouting you didn’t stay out long.

I’m starting to remember bits and pieces, I can say that I have covered all the bits from my past, their could be other stuff in the chest as one could say, but I lost the key, oh wait I found it…

After getting out of jail and stuff I started to learn computers, I done a couple of courses that was back 1989-1991 in the Youth Training Programme it was called Scala on the Springfield Road it’s now a gas station.  Back then I was in a class for 2 years doing Business Administration and I got a NCVQ Level 1 in biz admin and a couple of other qualifications.  I left school at 15 and joined Scala along with the Earl, and a couple of other friends. I was in the office and the Earl was in the store room working, this was before he was murdered.  At one time their was 16 girls and 5 fellas in the office, it was scary.  And it was the first time I was caught cracking a password on a computer, how was I to know that they had the staff details on it, and that the password was something silly.  I also learned office stuff doing abit of desk top publishing and using typewriters it was fun.  But most of the time me and the Earl weren’t their for the first year we got paid £29.50 and the second year £35.00 when we used to get full wages the people in the office would cheer us on.  We where getting paid and we beaked off work, hmmm.  They where the days, they took about 15 of us on a trip to Blackpool, we got drunk and went mad, and two of the fellas that where with us stole a car and got chased by the cops and then crashed it into a wall.  We stayed their for about 3 days the first hotel we stayed in some fecker sat it on fire, then we moved to another and the man who owned it took our two supervisors out to another hotel for a drink, and they wouldn’t let us in, so we went back to the hotel.  And someone tried the key to their room on the bar door and it opened.  So in the room drinking one of the fellas went outside to get rid of the bottles, when the hotel care taker followed him and seen him getting rid of the evidence.  And the waiter looked in yer man in fawlty towers and his daughter was a goth and had pictures in her room hanging upside down.  Anyway the fella who was caught had to pay the cash back for the beer, and the two caught in the car where deported from Blackpool.

I wonder if anyone will read this, if you have got this far then grand.

I’m trying to think what I have not covered yet…I’m sure it will come to me as I progress. 

Before, I took sick I went to California, the first time I went was not exciting.  The second time was, I remember travelling from Belfast to Heathrow then to Washington DC then to LAX, where my friend Stef and his girl friend Sarah where waiting for me.  And on the way back to Riverside we stopped off for a burger and a coffee.  Stef was telling me about this new Irish Pub that had opened and it was Called Liam’s Irish Pub, I arrived on a Friday and he told me he would take me to the pub that Saturday.  So off we went to the Pub and Sarah brought her friend Kim along.  After a couple of pints I was in the mood for more, we where outside having a smoke and some dude was hitting on Kim so I thought I would be a cupid and get the two of them together, after talking to the dude I said Kim was cute as she was, and he should go talk to her, after awhile the dude seemed abit thick, so we went back into the bar.  I was sitting on the chair and she was facing me, she had lovely green eyes like my own.  She came over to me and set beside me, so I said to her follow me to the toilet and she did, I got her against the wall kissing her soft lips, I did not know that Sarah had followed her and seen me with her against the wall.  We made our way out of the pub an onto the freeway where we kissed and stuff.  After the pub was closing I asked her back to Stef’s apartment and she agreed, and we made sweet love for about 3 months.  And we fell in love, and broke up.  Short but sweet we had good times together, and I consider her a good friend now.

I got a job at the Pub washing dishes, then I came back home to good old Ireland.

I have started to write a story called Thee Fallen Angel that is based in America, and one called Cyber Soldiers more on them soon.  And my website address is http://www.frankbranney.com

11 pages done so far and only about 80% done, read more…

When I came back from American I got back with the Indonesian girl, after me and the American one had broke up.  I had been smoking large amounts of cannabis about 15 till 20 joints a day, and they where well packed.  I was looking for work but couldn’t find any, the girl friend I was dating was putting pressure on me to find work so we could get married, saying to me that we would have to pay $5,000 each for the wedding, 5000 I said to myself the Queen didn’t pay that for hers.  She said a lot of her dads friend would come and that’s why it would cost so much, that didn’t even include the honeymoon.  I had to get rid of her, and she put her friends before me, even when they visited when we where in Kuala Lumpur, like as if I wasn’t their. 

One day I was really sick, I went to see the local Priest I told him what way I was feeling, and he called my doctor I was in his office when he was making the call and he put it on speaker so I could hear, my doctor said he couldn’t send a doctor too see me at the Priest’s house for some reason, and he asked me to come down and see him, I was really ill I made my way and got a black taxi down to the surgery.  When I arrived he told me to come back in one hour, I made my way through the hospital and out into Park Centre, and into the magazine shop where I bought a DVD book.  Three days before that I got a Sony laptop out of Dixons it was the first time I had had a DVD player, so that’s why I bought the book and the DVD was about the new Terminator 3 movie.  After buying the book I went back to the doctors and he told me to go to the Mater Hospital to talk to a shrink.  I made my way their and spoke to the doctor not telling him about the cannabis.  Then made my way home, I put on the DVD and started to watch it, after about 10 joints I was wasted.  The next day I was feeling abit better but still smoking a lot.  I put on the DVD again, as I was watching it showed the cast and crew talking about the movie, for some reason I started to think that I was involved in the movie and that the crew where talking too me.  And I told my parents that the crew where coming to pick me up to act in the movie.  I believed it, it was so real to me.  And after watching other movies I though I was in them, that I was the actors in them, I was starting to get ill, this went on for about 2 weeks my mum new I was sick. 

Then one day I freaked and the police came and took me to Windsor Hospital which is in the City Hospital.  I was their for two weeks, while I was there anything that I saw on TV, I thought I had something to do with it, as in like I made the programme.  When I was their they had me in a room with four other men, the man facing me kept playing his music each day, it was starting to annoy me, so I asked to be moved.  I was moved up the corridor and beside a man, I woke up one morning and at the side of my bed their was lumps of shite.  I called the nurse and asked her what she saw, she could not believe it, someone had thrown dirt near my bed.  When I went to have a smoke I told one of the fellas about it and he said the man beside me done that, and that if you watch him walking he had his hand down the back of his trousers and was pulling at his arse.  Even on the window stills their was bits of shite, how they got their we did wonder, did he put them their, or where they trying to escape…My dad came to visit me one day, and the man beside me was being cheeky to me so I stood up facing him and shouted with the top of my voice “if you put anymore shite near my bed I will slap you silly” people around me stopped in their tracks, I could be heard all over the hospital and the muppet beside me turned as white as a ghost.  So they moved me again, but that day I was moved to the Mater Hospital.

I had been in the Mater many years before, this time I thought they where gonna let me out, but they didn’t.  I couldn’t sleep at night I was on other tablets, and they where not agreeing with me.  After staying 3 months at the Mater, I was moved to Down shire which is in Down Patrick.  But, before that in the Mater, I asked the nurse could I go to the hospital next door and get a coffee and he told me to hurry back.  When I got outside I ran like the hammers in hell straight across the road and into the Shan kill area.  I then made my way on the Falls Road, and then into the off licence.  I bought a box of Budweiser and made my way to Tel’s Motel after standing at his door a mate shouted to me saying he don’t live their anymore.  That he was in a hostel on the Glen Road, I took out a bottle of Budweiser and opened it.  I made my way to the private taxi depot and made my way home.  When I got home I told my mum they let me out, she called the Mater and they said I went for a coffee and never came back, so they sent a taxi cab for me to take me back.  This was on a Friday, the next day Saturday a different nurse was on and I asked could I go and get a coffee, and he said yes.  Again when I got outside I ran like hell into town and got a black taxi up home, my excuse this time was I came to get my Play station, so my mum called the local Priest and he brought me back to the hospital.  Later that night I packed my bags and headed for the stairs, I was confronted by the head nurse, asking where I was going I said I’m going home, he said I wasn’t as I pushed past him a young female nurse gripped my arm, as I pushed forward she fell to the ground, I was then jumped and injected with a drug that calmed me down.  I was told to stay on my bed and not move.  The next day I was told that I was being moved to another hospital, because I tried to escape 3 times.  They took me that night into an ambulance and had the sirens blaring all the way down the motorway and into Down shire in Down Patrick.  Was the first time I was their, as I sat waiting on a nurse a fella came towards me I had had a bottle of coca cola with me and he asked for a drink, so I handed him the bottle.  He asked me did I smoke I said yes, he said lets go to the smoke room.  When I got to the smoke room I took out my cigs and my lighter, he said hide the lighter they will take it off you and that you had to ask a nurse for a light, so I lit the cig and hid the lighter.  After I had a smoke the male nurse came to speak with me, he brought me into an office and I give him my details, after that he brought me to my bed area, and then I went to get something too eat.  I stayed their for two days and then was moved to Avoca.

When I arrived they brought me into a room to process me, I was then showed to my bed.  As, I had been their before, I knew some old faces.  And the last time I was their was 3 years previous.  And they where still here, they where more sick than I was, and would be their a long time.  My first visit I remember, I took a header and they put me into the blue room it had no lock on the door, and the nurses where holding it, I was in the room shouting stuff, and a doctor opened the door I said to him “you come in here and I will take your head off” he said I’m sure you will, after 20mins I started to clam down, and then I apologized to the doctor and the nurses, I done my time then was freed.

My second time…when I seen things on the tv I thought I owned them, and I thought that I had been lost in time and that the female nurses where my daughters, and that I had 32 children, as in the 32 counties in Ireland.  It was so real, I even thought I was the President of the USA, and the Prime Minister of the UK, and I believed all of this.  And when I was watching the racing on TV I thought I was making bets through the TV, I wasn’t hearing any voices.  It was like mind games…I can’t explain it.  I can only share with others whom want to listen.  One of the women in the Mater she used to have classes for us where we would talk and they would bring us to the movies, I can’t recall her name but I thought she was my wife, ah yes here name was Danielle I think.  I could see in my mind, that like bear with me…when I was in Avoca while she was working in the mater, it was like I could see her at work, like I was a ghost, and that we could have conversations, within my mind.  Because the nurse in the Mater asked me how I could talk to people that where so far away from me, I said in my mind I can.  But I believed all of this it was very real, in Avoca I was on tablets and my mum called the doctor and said if you don’t take my son of them, you will be burying him.  So they changed my tablets and now I am still on them and have been told that I could the rest of my life, that if I stop them I could get ill again.  But now I know that back then I was sick and that the cannabis done it to me.  And anyone whom reading this that is on cannabis stop it will feck with your head, trust me.  You might not see the symptoms now but they will come and it could be too late, if I can stop smoking it anyone can, when it starts to take over your life, you will know all about it.  So don’t start…

To go out even to the shop I had a joint with me, and several in my pocket along with some smoke.  Even when I went into town, I had to have some with me, or I would freak out.  I was spending over a £100 pound a week on cannabis, I know people who had smoked more than me.  They weren’t sick like I was and it is was scary.  And I would not go through it again for anyone…

After my stay in Avoca for about 3 months, I was moved back to the Mater.  Where I still believed all the things that I was imaging where real, it was not until I left the Mater that they stopped, as well as the new tablets working.  That was about 4 years ago and I have come along way since.  And have not been back in hospital and I hope not to be.  I have been taking things easy and not doing too much work at home; I have been looking for volunteer jobs to teach people how to use the internet and send emails.  So maybe I might get lucky, I have been working on some short stories that someday I hope to publish, and I do abit of writing poems.  So that’s my life, I hope you have all enjoyed reading it.

I would like to thank both my parents for standing by me in my time of need, thanks.  I would also like to thank my fiancée Diana whom I met over 3 years ago on the net, whom I love very much and miss dearly, thank you for loving me without you I would still be in my hell.

I would like to thank all those whom have helped me over the years, to get where I am today, thanks.

And that’s it…Short but Sweet

And yes I am still looking for a job in writing or anything where I can help others with the skills that I have, may it be in computing or writing.  My email is: [email protected] or anything else.

Yes I’m still here…

If you want a good read, I’m working on Cyber Soldiers that’s about us Hackers, Gamers and Phone Phreaks and Love…more on that soon.

Ok I’m gone hope too see you all again, in my next writings…

Slan Go Foil = bye in Irish

The End


























 

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems