he was my friend

 Ashley was never the way he is now. Like all the other things, I had watched him change and while i still knew that things 'do' change, I was sorry that i couldn't help him.

That middle school image of his is still stuck in my brain and i cannot do anything to flush it out. 

That day when all the other students sitting around , just ignored me and thought me as  the most uncool member of the class, all i could do was search for someone who could accept me.

Only then i knew there was someone called Ashley in our class.

He was the only guy who smiled at me and asked me how i was. And only because of that friendly gesture did i escaped a huge phenomenon of loneliness.

And then one friendly talk led to another and we became best friends, always talking and laughing,discussing which girl he liked and which girl I liked!

Gradually I became popular and made friends, I didn't even expect to be friends with!

We spent hours on the phone, watched movies, made a fun-loving group, and had LOTS of fun!

Once during our conversation on the phone he said something that had really hurt him. 

"Its about mom", he said. 

"What is it?" I asked.

"You know that dad's away and all...."

"Yeah,so?" I replied

"My mom's spending more time than she should, with an other guy, someone from her office, I suppose."

"Must be her friend then" I said

"No, it's something else...she brings him home, talks with him on the phone and is away most of the time"

"Does your dad know?" i asked

"No, i don't think so.."  he replied

"Will you tell him?" 

"I don't know...maybe not, i don't want fights, fights caused by my confessions."

"So what are you gonna do?"

"Try to ignore him...that's the best I can do."

"okay....but I'll be always there for you."

"Thanks buddy"

And that was the end of our talk.

And his mom, she began to spend hours outdoors, Ashley, he became lonelier with every hour and we could do nothing to cheer him up.

Though he never showed this feeling of his to us, he kept it hidden under his rough exterior. And whenever i saw him with his mom, i could see the pain that he hid under his smile.

One year went by and our bond of friendship became stronger than ever.

But then one thing changed it all.

Ashley and I made different choices, he went on to become a high school jock, while i stayed concerned with my studies.

And even though we talked and laughed and met, we were not those best friends that we used to be. He made new friends and I made some, but never did we feel that bond which we had a year ago. Soon, i began hating  the company he kept and chose to stay away, whilst he had no intentions of leaving that "bad" boy gang.

Then slowly things drastically changed. Him and I chose to ignore each other and move on with our life.

If it had been just this, then i might have not regretted my actions.

Now, in my last year of high school, when i look at Ashley, I see that big bully who flirts with beautiful girls and soon breaks their hearts, tease little kids and make them cry, Now I am a total stranger to him, we don't speak even if we meet by chance.

And for all this, I wonder who is responsible?

Myself. 

I hold myself responsible for Ashley's pathetic condition, his drastic drop in grades, his rowdiness and his changed attitude.

Was it not me who had promised to be on his side no matter what happens?

Was it not me who understood him better than his new friends?

So what made me desert him and leave him to his conditions.

His friends, were just for name sake, i wonder if they even knew his last name!

Once, before a year or so, when i asked him how his new friends were, he only said.......HELP ME!

when i asked him what he meant, he said that they were just 'pretenders' and not actually 'friends', what they did was only use him for stuff, offensive stuff and blame it all on him when they got caught. When i asked him to leave their company, he said that they were too strong to be opposed and would never let him go, instead they would bully him and make him do what they wanted.

Even though i was sad that my best friend was in such  a big mess, i felt thankful that i wasn't in their group.

 I  know that it is  me who is responsible for Ashley's downfall.

Only if had understood what he wanted, his strong desire to be loved by someone. He needed someone to understand him.

The change in his character was only because nobody ever supported him when he needed most.

His mom would never pay him attention and his new friends would never hold any concern for him.

But, I, the one who knew every detail of his troubled life, was not I the one who was supposed to give him the much needed support?

But instead I turned away, fearing that my reputation would get spoiled if i keep company of him and his friends.

Today, i think of myself as a very selfish friend. Only if i had given the much needed love to my best friend he would not have deviated into the wrong path, only if i had pulled him out of that mess, i could have called myself a true friend.

Just the same, what he did when I needed someone who could be my friend, on the first day of middle school.

So i wonder if all those talks we made on the phone were just waste, because neither of us kept his word, nobody proved himself to be an ideal friend.

Now, when I look at him, from a far off corner i close my eyes and say,

"He was my friend."

 

Author's Note

please ignore the grammatical mistakes

Reviews

[Owlgirl]

Wow. This is . . . powerful. I am awed. I can relate to parts of this, I love the emotion you put behind this. Just. . . wow.
I am adding this to my favorites.

[jasper fox]

thanku.......i mean its d first story i've written!

[ed greene]

dude... its simply great! u never showed me in class? anyways.. i loved it very much! ;)

[jasper fox]

thanx a lot!!!!