Time

A poem I wrote!

On a cold Durham day,

The refreshing breeze,

As I lay on the soft grass,

I hope that the time will freeze.

As the dew drops kiss the leaves,

And curious are my eyes,

The scent of the flowers,

And the melancholy dies.

It gets cold as time,

As at noon come the snowflakes,

As I see them,

Oh! My breath it takes.

As the snowflakes descend the ground,

And the children sway in snow,

I tell time,

I never want to grow.

Reviews

[ElizaB]

Hello Dhrit Khona,

Please correct my interpretations if they are wrong!

I took the snowflake(s) to be a metaphor for childhood. It is white, and therefore innocent, it is delicate (as are children) and it is, (until caught) perfect. It can also be overlooked, usually when one is in the phase of childhood we wish to remain young forever or we wish to grow up through fear of missing out. I was the former, I did not want to lose the freshness of life when I was young.

Your metaphorical language captures everything that childhood is :)

Best wishes,
Eliza

[koulpooja]

Great work Dhrit....we all grow up and mature, that's an undeniable truth but remember one thing we can always leave the year count behind and jump and dance and play in rain and relive our childhood once again and always... :)

[Ms. Twitch]

Beautiful! The details to nature and a single moment, takes me to where you are.
Thank you for sharing.

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Awesome.........
..........though you could still choose not to grow up, except physically and socially.
i liked it!!!
:)

[several thousand]

Lovely poem Dhrit. Very nice imagery and rhyming. Well done.

[Rainheart]

I wished you had written instead "And the melancholy of dead trees"

My favourite passage:

"As at noon come the snowflakes,
As I see them,
Oh! My breath it takes."

I love your rhyming scheme, and your winter theme but also your envoi which celebrates youthful cogitation and nostalgic days.

Another excellent poem by an excellent poet. Seriously you should consider writing a book I'd definitely buy it.











(Not a big fan of winter though, I'm an autumn man myself.)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

I understand the feeling. There were times that I also wished time could be stopped. Well done. :) Rudi

[Arezzo]

It definitely has charm. You started off with a good, regular rhythm. It has a nice "singsong" quality in the first two stanzas, and this is in keeping with the message of the poem (the things you are saying). In the very best poems, form and message fuse into one -- the content enriches the form, and the form helps the meaning. I felt that the rhythm broke up in the last two stanzas, detracting a little from the overall effect. It's alright to depart from your initial rhythm, IF you do it for a reason. Here, I think perhaps you just grew a little impatient, and wanted to finish. It would not be difficult to "polish" those last stanzas, and produce something really excellent.

[Dhrit Khona]

Thanks a gazillion!

[E G TEN]

Enjoyed the flow and the story at
moments in our life when time freezes.
Again very well penned. Thanks.

[Alyx Wonderland]

It has a very lovely flow, it reads elegant and simplistic in it's complexities. I like it.