On reflections of splintered glass...

As if the question needs to be answered.

I don't like being told what to do.

Maturity slivers by and stings like cancer.

While you have confused order for the truth.

My avoidance of political correctness

                     leaves me vulnerable.

While your confidence leaves me blind.

As if the moment that we cease to be human

makes for a better story.

Flaws and forgiveness what more can I say.

Provocation of the simple minded,

I have no patience for politics.

No patience for what I can't trust.

the shattered mirror

        the blood and pain.

you call me crazy

   but never tell me what is sane.

Author's Note

all constructive criticism is welcome.

Reviews

[KWP]

There seems to be both a lot going on in this piece and also a string of one. So for me (and maybe I'm lagging behind) I found it hard to keep up. There seems to be some kind of revolt against the mainstream whilst there is also a revolt against just one.
I fell there could be more cadence in this one - try reading it aloud and see how you feel it sounds.
This poetry feels like it comes from a busy mind. :) XX

[drew garner]

The reason I have waited to respond was I agree the language is kind of plane but the only reason I havn't worked on it is I feel I need some time to get perspective to decide how to fix it.
I have a bad tendency when attempting free verse to write short statements in prose. thank you for your help. and yeah it is political as far as the anxiety of the piece is founded off of a fear of a loss of freedom. while also struggling with and attempt at saying all being politically correct means is you treat people with common since decency and respect. So yeah I think what I am scared of is my selfish desire of not being restrained by rules and my more sane impulse to not want people to hurt.

[KWP]

so you think the same as me about rules and people - except I am opposite to you in that I am not scared at all - I probably over react situations where decent people are in the firing. line - but then I also see this as a sense of duty as I was built with strength - well enough strength util the walls topple down on me - like they did this past FRiday> ahhh not good ... but we live and learn from these experiences ..

I am trying to think of some advice ... hmmm

ok the statements you talk of - nobody likes being told what to do and nobody likes being spoken at - think about how you can change your language so it entices the reader to 'fall in' with you.

[KWP]

Im gonna think some more for you too - but I gotta dash out - remember its just my opinion X

[KWP]

I think the key is metaphors ... say what you gotta say but let the reader interpret it ... using metaphors gives the reader space to decide their own direction. We as poets are not here to tell people how they should think, instead at least encourage the them to think at least. does that make sense ?

I will give you an example ...

[KWP]

I will come back ... I gotta dash :)

[drew garner]

yeah it does, I Didn't mean to imply I was trying to impose on the reader it was more I have a hard time discussing the craft of writing while not talking about my intentions with a piece. but I am a firm believe in the death of the author concept. in that I don't want to write reductive poetry that imposes on the reader. I usually don't share what ideas inspired me to write because they seem to be taken as the Canon interpretation which is not my intention. I am just anxious about my political poems.

[KWP]

why anxious ?

[KWP]

Maturity if left untended grows into a wildfire gusted by hundred mile winds ...

Hows that as an example for y our maturity line?

[drew garner]

I like it, and I think it is because with maturity the range of experience seems to narrow while going into deeper waters and politics for me is the abyss.
I am not a very political person and am afraid that my neurotic poetry may not be the most appropriate response to the current state of the world. I guess the thing is I just don't trust reductive thought and politics usually falls into that camp.

[KWP]

if you are not a poltical person (I'm not) why on earth would you ever write about politics? :D

[drew garner]

lol it's hard to not engage politics with the current state of the world. and even though I have resisted it my writing has been going in that direction in spite of me lol

[Coyote Poetry]

Me too my friend.
I have no patience for politics.
"No patience for what I can't trust.
the shattered mirror
the blood and pain.
you call me crazy
but never tell me what is sane."
I don't want TV no-more. So tire of the bull-s**t. Thank you Drew for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[RayLynn]

I really enjoyed this poem! You did a great job with describing everything and I love the ending with saying how people call you crazy but never say what isn't, very powerful and true

[drew garner]

thank you and sorry for the late reply.

[Davidgeo]

"slivers by..." did you mean slithers? It'd be better if you did.

The line below that would be more aestheticly pleasing to read if you omited "the"... the meaning would remain the same if you took that out.

"your confidence leaves me blind".... why does it 'leave you blind'? It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.

I'd put a comma after "flaws and forgiveness". It's a good place to interrupt the pace.

I'd also change the line "Provocation of the simple minded" to 'Provocations of simple minds' or something like that.

"can't" would work better as 'cannot' I think.

It's not a bad little poem, the message is a little cliched but not in a bad way.

[drew garner]

sorry for the late response I will revise and I agree with some of the suggestions, the only one I honestly not of sure of is the confidence leaves me blind. it was supposed to be a subtle way of saying enraged as a type of response to people who are so confident they lack doubt but my language was to indirect and failed me. but I will revise it in a little bit.

[andrew mitchell]

I like this write and I agree political correctness has gone mad.

[drew garner]

I know I think everyone should be treated with respect. But it seems that there is a dehumanization of people who fail to do this. almost as if people feel that if there feelings are hurt they can kill or maim who ever hurt there feelings. and I don't think it is limited to ether conservatives or liberals they just have different values that reinforce there reactionary politics. on some level I think that what I was trying to do with this poem was rephrase the old saying stick and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.

[andrew mitchell]

yes indeed well done.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i don't know if i have much patience left either...for many things...but i feel at this age maybe i have earned the right to be fussy about being as crazy as i want or need to be...
j.

[drew garner]

it's a good point, I kind of struggle with confidence myself, but people should ultimately do what they believe is right.