My Mind

A Poem by Andrew

Remake of an old poem

They say looks can be deceiving

I may smile but I'm still grieving

Always strong so they'll stop feeding

I fear no doctor can stop the bleeding

So hop to it, grab a bag and a rope

Have a good day, manhandle the hope

Sit back, relax, make your life worthwhile

But before you get too far

Don't forget to smile

Behind this subtle smile

And willing faithful compliance

Lies a mind trapped in torture

Accustomed to hate and violence

My sense of independence

Led me to suffer in silence

'Till I stepped back and formulated

My own flavor of defiance

Meticulously calculated

Back and forth myself debated

More than all I concentrated

On the meaning of my life

As not to become so faded

God forbid I live life jaded

I know that I've been blessed

So I don't write about the strife

It's a short life

Don't grow cold so early

Because if you don't pay attention

You'll grow up in a hurry

It'll be a blur if you worry

If you spend every second distressing

Life will leave you without a message

So it's vital to realize

That each day is a blessing

Though it may be hard to find

Look past the disguise

And make sure everybody sees

The life in your eyes

Let it all go and you might be surprised

That you don't need to smoke

To enjoy life's high's

© 2010 Andrew

Author's Note

rough version

My Review

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Reviews

Mark

Kind of a hip-hop feel to this, particularly in the last stanza. I didn't think I'd like it, but I do! The jaggedness and approximate rhymes help convey the message, in this context, of the frustration one minute, the resolve the next, and the confusion that interplay always brings.
My favorite stanza is in fact TWO stanzas, the fourth, with it's recurring
a-a-a-b pattern--Way to experiment, guy! You are making great strides!