Raken

A short story that delves into a teenagers imagination as he daydreams in his history class

“Marcus! Pay attention in class.” Mr. Rhubarb yells at me for the thousandth time of the year. I wonder if he will realize that I don’t like history specifically history about feudal Japan. What is the point of finding out what my people did in their time and how they lived? I guess I just don’t understand the practicality of learning about the past. My teacher, Mr. Rhubarb, is this tall, robust character that spits when he has something exciting to say. He always wears this black and grey suit every day with these horrible pit stains. He has had it out for me ever since I joined his class in my sophomore year last year. I guess it’s because I did really good last year but didn’t show any interest in the class. Relief consumes me as I hear the bell ring and leave a flustered Mr. Rhubarb behind in class. I head to my locker where my skateboard and helmet lie. In a rush, I grab my gear and race out to where the double doors lead to the outside world. One, two, three steps and I'm out of school and onto my skateboard. Suddenly a black object flies off to my right and another follows suit in front of me. Soon I see about ten of these objects hurtling toward me that look vaguely like ninja stars. Flight sets in and my board shoots down the sidewalk as my feet take me faster in the opposite direction. Fear has gripped me but I won’t let it take control. Something bites into my leg and my face finds the unforgiving concrete all too fast.

            I’m tied down when I come to, sitting in a chair. Someone walks in off to my right and I struggle to see who it is.

            “Do you know why you are here?” The unknown man steps in front of me and I catch a glimpse of his hooded form and black ninja garb. He seems to be Asian but I can't really tell.

            “No but it would be good to know.” I try to sound brave and unafraid but it’s hard when you are tied down.

            “You have been chosen by clan leader Ikiikiiki Batang Zooboing Errr to lead us into battle against the spider clan.”

By this time I was crying from laughing so hard. I mean seriously who names their kid that? My masked caper didn’t think that this was all that funny because I received a swift smack upside the head.

            “How dare you disrespect the name of our clan leader! You will learn respect soon enough, half breed.”

He turned out to leave and left me there alone with a throbbing head and my wrists raw from where the rope had been biting into them. I don’t know what’s come over me but hot tears stream down my face as I sob my way into embarrassment. I don’t usually cry but I’m scared and just wish I were home with my parents. Oh man, they must be so worried! I figure I would try to call them as soon as I get free because there is no way that I’m going to be able to get to my phone tied up like this. Sleep sets in as my thoughts wander about my parents.

            I’m waken by this angel, so beautiful with fiery red hair that streams down her head to her shoulders in liquid fire fountains. She is skinny with a face that would be in close comparison to Aphrodite. As she speaks to me, I am lost in the river of luscious tones that are her words, I don’t even process what she says.

            “Uhhh…. Huh?” Yep that’s all the vocabulary my brain can muster at this moment. She giggles and I melt into that sound and am drowned in the symphony of her larynx.

            “How are you feeling?” She repeats and giggles again. I smile stupidly and finally respond, “I’m, uh, I’m OK I guess. Just kind of lost my pride is all.” That gets another laugh and I nearly fall out of my chair. She helps me untie my wrists and puts her index finger to her lips, the universal sign to be quiet. I try to listen but I can tell her hearing is far better than mine. Footsteps pound towards the room and I feel a tug from my gorgeous rescuer. She leads me into a room full of “ninjas” dressed up and armed to the teeth. A quick flick from her wrist and my guardian angel lets fly a smoke screen that fills the room. Pandemonium strikes as I feel battles rage out between the ninjas and an unknown force that I cannot see. I grab a hold of the redhead’s hand and follow her toward the opening of the building. She pushes me through before her and I sprawl out just outside the hole in the wall and roll to my feet surprising myself. She follows suit but with a lot more grace as she dives through and rolls out of it perfectly. As I look up from where she landed and focus off into the background, it looks like I entered into one of my history text books. Feudal Japan is laid out before me and I take all of this in without a single shred of understanding. Before I am able to question things, redhead grabs my hand again and we take flight down through the shacks and rice paddies to a horse stable. Two horses await our arrival and I attempt to get on mine as redhead swings her leg over professionally.

“Just pull yourself up using her back.” She instructs. I try again and I just barely get myself on. We continue down the road as our horses gallop away. Hours pass and I must have fallen asleep again because we are in a very large shack with a podium in the front. There behind the podium lies a picture of a spider and before the spider is this very old and decrepit man with a long grey beard and bald head. A hush resounds across the room (I just realized that the room was full of people, probably the same ones that helped rescue me) as the old man rises to his feet.

“Is this the offspring of the legendary Takeji lineage?” The redhead chimes in after the old man speaks. “I believe so sir. As we have seen in the DNA patterns he seems to be one of the only that bears the Takeji heritage.” I am so lost at this point that I am almost tempted to raise my hand.

“Bring him to me, Victoria.” Redhead, who I found out is named Victoria, takes me by the hand and leads me to the old man who has entered a room in the back of the podium.

“Raken, do you know why any of these things have happened to you?” The old man is the one that asks the question and it is the exact thing I was wondering. “No I do not.”

“There has been a feud between the Spider and Lion clans for centuries now and it is said that if you capture the blood of the forefathers of the clan than that clan will be able to control both of the clans. Do you understand?”

I’m a little skeptical but I think I have it. “I am part of this Takeji blood and I take it that Takeji was one of the forefathers. Because of this, the Lion clan kidnapped me from the future and took me back in time?”

“That is right. Do you know anything about your ancestors?”

Great, another ancestor thing. “Not really. I haven’t been interested in finding out.”

“Well to unlock the key to the future you must study your ancestors. You have a great power and we don’t want that in the wrong hands. We have a way to get you back to your own time. But in order to fulfill your destiny you must pay attention to your past. This will return you back to us and will help us in fighting the Lion clan. You must leave now before it is too late.”

Before I know what is happening, I am shoved into another room with Victoria. She plants a kiss firmly on my lips and I am lost in this contact of moist lips and a feeling of pure ecstasy fills me.

“Come back to me, lover boy,” Victoria adds as she presses her hot lips back to mine. I want this moment to last forever but there is this annoying thing in the background that keeps ringing. The lips fade away as I reenter the end of my history class with big ol’ Mr. Rhubarb yelling something about heritage. It takes me a moment to realize that I have fallen asleep. The dream floods back to me, and I question if it really was a dream. I ponder this as I resume my daily routine of skating home from school once again.      

Author's Note

Just something I threw together for a class assignment and was wondering about your inputs

Reviews

[Raaf]

Very cool premise, Connor. Super imaginative and a great idea.

"Anyway my teacher, Mr. Rhubarb, is this tall, robust character that spits when he has something exciting to say" I really like the "spitting" detail here, but the tone (i.e. "Anyway...") is a little too informal. Sounds more like you're writing an email rather than telling a story. It's just a little distracting and might limit your audience. But maybe that's ok.

The pacing as the character leaves the classroom is a bit too fast and it's also a little obvious that it's a dream of some sort. Should drag out the details here, throw a little more plot and take longer to get to the weird 'flying' scene.

You use canned transitional phrases a bit too much. Try to limit the number of times you use phrases like "With that...", "By this time...", etc.

"How dare you disrespect the name of our clan leader!"

[Connor Samuelson]

Thank you very much for your review! Ive noticed that my transitions aren't as good as id hoped them to be and something iv been working on. I appreciate your honesty and conductive criticism!

[Connor Samuelson]

*constructive criticism lol

[Connor Samuelson]

i did a little revising, not a whole lot but hopefully helping the story a little bit