Transitory Smiles

Can fleeting smiles leave everlasting impressions?

It had been a great one month in Pondicherry. I had closed a very profitable deal with the local incense factory. Exporting 'exotic' and traditional Indian goods never goes out of business and also never out of style. Of course I had been on vacation the whole time, and so getting a business deal was quite surprising. I had made lots of new friends, and basically it was good fun. All those lovely beaches and the gorgeous sun! Meditation and also bits of drunken stupor - it was a mix of extremities. For what is life without exploring the limits at both ends of the spectrum? It was a happy time; at least that's what it seemed.

And here I am now, at the airport, waiting for my departure from this dichotomous world of relaxation and excitement. Back to the usual grind, running in circles from the house to the office, from the office to the house - tracing that circle so many times that it eventually becomes permanently engraved on those everyday roads. Everyday roads. They stay the same. I wonder though, if these roads can remember the people that pass by, and if they can tell what they're thinking. I always zone out whenever I'm driving the daily drive, looking out the window, eyes on the road and yet not quite there. Like crossing over smoothly into another world, somewhat like unconscious dreaming. Because I never really remember what it was that I was thinking when I come back from my reverie. My mind travels everywhere, revisiting all those thoughts and memories - traces of people, places, and work. Painting vivid unreal imaginary images that reality would probably never see, whereas I discovered that vacations just might.

But work, yes. That's what I have to go back to now. Ah, there's a cafe´. Warm lights, sofas and a strong aroma of freshly ground arabica.

'One espresso, please.'
'Sure, sir. Please take a seat. We also have wi-fi access here for your work and pleasure. Please feel free to enjoy that.'
'Oh. Why, thank you.'

As I sit down, I see a little girl sitting with a man, who is probably her dad. She’s sipping animatedly on a cooler, while the man seems to be engrossed in a book. But he suddenly looks up at me, and I see myself! Was it a mirage? …Vivid unreal imaginary images… ah its just my favorite haunting memory again.

"...Max, you have got to be kidding me. How can you possibly think that I will take care of someone else's child? I thought it had all been worked out before. Dia must go to her grandparents' place. If her mother chose to abandon her, it does not mean that I get the responsibility."
"What are you saying Maya! I love Dia, I'm her father and she needs me right now. She is my own and I would never let that happen. I love you, and thought you loved me too and understood what this means to me."
"Some misunderstanding Max...!"
It had always been her convenience first.

'Uh sir? Your coffee... would you like anything else?'
I wonder why people have to be so polite and smile so much all the time. Its just plain obnoxious.
'Hmm. Oh thanks, no... I'm alright.'

I stare blankly into my coffee. There's a milky heart floating in it. Just what I didn't need - a heart. But maybe something that she could have used. Women. Ugh, cold women. They can only be warm when the sun chooses to shine on their skin. Perhaps too much warmth will kill them - is that why they wear so much sunscreen? Ah. I must be going crazy. Or am I? It must be the travel.

Airports are crazy places anyway. There's a reason why they're called transit areas. People experience the most transitory of feelings when they're passing by, don't they? Or at least they're mostly exaggerated. A single tear will become two. And you end up saying more than you mean. It’s like suddenly walking through a vacuum that forces emotion out of you, in a strange coercive way and you surrender like a war victim. Perhaps that was why she said all that she did? I was the foolish one, to believe that it was perhaps true. But then again, we sometimes end up believing what we want to believe, hearing what we want to hear, ignoring everything else. All that incoming noise fades out �" it’s a strange way of the mind.

Done with my coffee, I just sit there. The little girl across the table is jumping about in her lavender frock and pigtails, and suddenly breaks into a little song and dance routine. My baby! But why is my pulse racing, the memory was supposed to end a while back, why can I not make it end now? My darling girl, Dia. They told me that I would miss her, as if I needed telling; and they asked me to miss her with a smile. God knows I tried. But it was always a constant push and pull, a pendulum forever going to and fro, for the heart has its reasons that reason does not know. She was gone. Just like her mother and exactly like Maya. Except that she didn't really want to go like they did...

'Hello, yes? Oh is it ready? That's great. I will be there tomorrow, so hope to meet them sometime. Tanya, could you please set up a meeting? Yes.... yes. Okay good. Sounds perfect, thanks. Bye.'

Hmm... I was trapped in the trappings of propriety, I had been weak, yes. I can never stop regretting it. That I couldn't be with Dia when she needed me. That I watched her becoming frail every day, without being able to do anything. That she called out for me, and I couldn't be there. Was I selfish? Perhaps. But that selfishness did not take me anywhere. Everybody left in the end. People always leave. Oh will I ever heal! They say loved ones always leave an indelible mark on your heart. Perhaps then never. I will always have to live knowing that several marks on my heart died much before I will...

The little girl catches my eye and smiles a twinkly smile. And I feel a familiar click in my throat. Did I smile back? I don't know, for they have just announced boarding and departure. But did that transitory smile just tell me something I needed to know?

..............................

A few months later I find myself walking towards a small house, with a rickety wooden gate. There's a pretty well kept garden, and it smells of lavender and honey. The breeze is playing with a chime hanging out from a window; just the place.

'Welcome, sir. We were waiting for you.'
'Thanks, I'm glad I am here. And please don't call me 'sir', just Max. How old did you say she is?'
'Two. Such a lovely age!'
'Ah, yes. I wish I could be that age again. But maybe the only way to be that is to be around a child now. I’ve finished the paper work with my lawyer. Here, please take a look.'

The kind lady smiles. And I hear a patter of tiny feet, running about. There she is! Such a doll. As I pick her up in my arms, warmth seizes me, and I surrender with readiness. A tear? Is it enough to purge me? No. But I think she is.

In the distance I hear someone say, "When a child is born, a father is born. Just look at him! Payal is a very lucky baby..."

Did I finally catch something long-lasting from the transience of all those moments?

Author's Note

What did you think of the characters? Was the ending predictable?

Reviews

[Jim Parson]

A very nice, sweet, well written story. Your character was developed well and was likeable. Perhaps the emotion over losing a child could have been a little stronger, but he was still a good character. The ending was not at all predictable...I don't think anyone could ever guess that's where you were going with it. You write really well, although your sentence structure is a bit unusual on a rare occasion. I'm guessing that's perhaps the result of English being a second language? That's really a very minor issue though.

I have a suggestion for you that will improve your writing...the same suggestion that was given to me several weeks ago and it changed my life! There are two words that get used regularly by many inexperienced writers that are often unnecessary..."had" and "that". If you go through and delete those that aren't essential, you'll be surprised at how much smoother your writing will be. I know I was! Here are a couple of examples...

"I had closed a very profitable deal with the local incense factory." Here it is without the "had"... "I closed a very profitable deal with the local incense factory." Much smoother, right?

"I had made lots of new friends, and basically it was good fun." Try this... "I made lots of new friends, and basically it was good fun." See?

"Perhaps that was why she said all that she did?" Without the that... "Perhaps that was why she said all she did?" Much better.

"I was the foolish one, to believe that it was perhaps true." Without the that... "I was the foolish one, to believe it was perhaps true." If you go through and lose every unnecessary "had" and "that", I think you'll be very pleased with the end result.

"All that incoming noise fades out " it’s a strange way of the mind." Something you may not have figured out yet...this stupid Writer's Cafe server changes dashes to ", for some weird reason. If you go back in and edit and change it back to a dash, it will stay.