John: The Dreamer

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Initially, John, a 13-year-old boy, thought it as a strange dream that any human being could possibly have. However, he could not deduce it.

“Today, I felt like I was in a place stranger than the Bermuda triangle,” John expressed to his mother.

His mother ignored him, as she herself has experienced a tragic death in her dream, a few days ago.

“Not while I was sleeping,” he continued.

“Then,” his mother asked.

“It was in my English class, when I suddenly felt strange and I stepped out of it when my teacher intervened.”

“What happened exactly?”

“Telepathy,” he replied.

“What?”

“Yes. I was in an alien landscape where my fellow aliens and I communicated via electromagnetic waves generated in our brains. Then, I suddenly realized that my powers have vanished and my teacher stood in front of me.”

"He must have slept in his class," she thought, “and anything is possible in dreams.”

"Was that a dream or a reality?" he asked himself.

Next morning,

"I had another dream," he said.

"Now, what?" his mother asked anxiously.

"I was absorbing energy from the sun," he replied.

“Why is John having such kind of dreams?” she asked her husband.

"It is just the side-effect of Science Fiction movies," he quipped.

“You are not serious about it.”

"The day he stops watching weird movies, he will be alright."

"Men will be men," she thought.

He kept on dreaming weird things daily, especially at night.

"This is cool, I do not know anyone who has a private Sci-fi theater,” he thought about his dreams.

He shares his Sci-fi dreams with his mother. His father has restricted him from watching any movie, let alone Sci-fi.

"What if I am not getting to watch any movie, my dreams are vivid than these ET’s on TV" he said to himself.

A month passed by,

"It’s high time now. We should consult a psychiatrist,” she expressed authoritatively to her husband.

John had a happy month and was now busy studying Science Fiction books in his room.

"John...John, come down, we need to talk," his father yelled.

"We are going to consult a doctor," his father told him.

"No...No, I don't want to go, I am alright," fearing he would lose his blissful source of entertainment.

“This is not an opinion but a decision. Get ready; we are leaving in fifteen minutes.”

“It is always your decision, I wonder if I have any control over me,” he ranted.

They visit the clinic of a renowned psychiatrist in NYC.

“What kind of dreams do you have?” asked the psychiatrist.

“Weirder than the stuff shown in Sci-fi movies," John remarked.

"Do you have these weird dreams daily?"

"Yes,” he continued, “sometimes, twice in a day."

"What caricatures appear in your dream?"

"It's an alien landscape where I communicate through telepathy, absorb energy from the sun, and can move any object with my eyes. My body consists of a large solar panel like head for absorbing energy, big eyes capable of moving anything, just by visualizing it, and magnetic legs for levitation.”

"This is strange!" said the intrigued psychiatrist.

 

“Did he sustain any brain injury in his childhood?” he inquired John’s parents.

“No, nothing”

 

“So, you see aliens,” he turned to John.

 

“Yes,” he nodded.

 

“And, what do they look like?”

 

“They have large heads like that of an elephant; have a panoramic vision due to the big eyes on either side of the face; yet devoid of nose, ears or mouth. This face is attached to a magnetically levitating wheel.”

 

“These dreams could be a result of watching these sorts of alien on TV, Movies or even a book regarding Extraterrestrials,” pointed the psychiatrist.

 

“But, we have ceased him from watching these aliens on TV or any movies,” said John’s father.

 

“Does he read any books on aliens?” asked the doctor.

 

“Yes, I read books. They are my only source of entertainment,” cried John.

 

“I’m sorry, but they are the root of your dreams. I recommend you to leave these books, but you may read books, watch any TV-program or movie, not relating to aliens,” advised the doctor.

 

“OK, doctor. We would see to it,” nodded his father.

 

“Report me if the problem persists even after taking these measures.”

 

“Sure,” they continued, “Thank you, doctor.”

 

Now, he is cut-off from watching or reading any weird stuff, but the dreams persisted.

 

“I would not share my dreams with anyone. This would allow me to have a normal life,” he thought.

 

He watches the TV programs and reads the books involving aliens, stealthily.

 

“Suddenly, a powerful solar radiation struck the planet resulting in an excessive flow of current in our brains, ultimately leading to the demise of many entities of our species. I am not able to communicate with the remaining members of my species and my visualizing powers have vanished. This has led to a widespread chaos in our community,” John recalled his dream.      

 

Their death was a great grief to John.

 

Suddenly he realized, “Why am I feeling unhappy at the loss of someone in my dreams? After all, it was only a dream, isn't it?”

 

“I wonder if these are only dreams or something strange,” he mused. 

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed my work.
Now, please critique my work so that I can improve my writing and excel in the quest for knowledge.
Please share with me what you feel after reading my work, it will help me a long way in improving myself.
Thank you.

Reviews

[K. D. Kromminga]

Typically Science Fiction is all about how future events or future technologies shape the lives of the characters as the dramatic elements of their story unfolds. If the Science-Fiction elements of your story aren't so integral to your plot that they cannot be easily separated then it is not technically good Science Fiction. You can develop that integration either through researching a way to ground your story more in science making it "Hard Science Fiction" or you can develop your characterizations and your themes around compelling future events and make it "Fantastic Fiction".

Right now I'm seeing a possible "First Contact" scenario in your writing, which has been handled many times in Science Fiction. In order to make it fresh you need to find a new angle on it that you can make your own. I would read some "first contact" science fiction also to get some idea about the types and styles of authors in the field. It will not only help you polish your writing, by their examples in structure, syntax and content, but it will also give you an idea of what's already been done by 60-70 years of authors who have written before you.

Stylistically,if you are trying to write a story and not a screenplay, you need four elements present in your work in equal amounts, description and exposition(the setting elements), and action and dialogue (the characterization elements). You have some Exposition(though I am concerned as to whether is information given from the point of view of your viewpoint character), very little if any action(no dialogue tags do not count as action), and almost no description. 90% of your story is dialogue, which by itself cannot draw your reader into the story.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

This is true and helpful

[Dev]

Thank you very much for your valuable suggestion.
I think I should read a lot of Sci-fi books in order to improve myself.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I agree with Winkin, you need to have a character build-up for john to make his character more interesting. And try to have a variation in narrating the story, because I observed here you dragged us completely locked in Aliens & stuff dreams which is very predictable. I thought a small highlights in John's sleeping or even in school classroom would help a lot to make the story more attractive. I like the idea it is just very fast in transition. let the readers crave perfectly as the story unfold. keep the fire burning dude! Keep writing!

[Dev]

Glad you liked the idea
I will try to learn the art of writing.
Thank you very much

[Marie]

Zap and Winkin have given you excellent advice. I would add this to it:
Work hard on this piece, giving it description and dialogue and better styling, and leave it as a short story. I think you should write several stories before you try a novel.

[Dev]

Thank you very much for your advise.

[Zap-the-awesome]

If its for children, this book is perfect except that it needs pictures. (Not jokin this might make a mean picture book)
If you're shooting fir a larger audience, then you should listen closely to winkins advice.
Read if you want to be able to write. Compare your stories with stories that you like and see what's missing.

[Dev]

Thank you for your views.
Going to read a lot to improve my writing

[Zap-the-awesome]

It won't be too awful hard. Do what Marie said and write lots of short stories too!! In the process of making a good book, you have to have patience. Ull do fine!! Good luck!

[Dev]

Thank you for your encouraging words.
Happy Writing!

[the crying cup]

First off, your chapter could probably use better wording. For example, you start off with: "Initially, John, a 13-year-old boy, thought it as a strange dream that any human being could possibly have." That would be better if you worded it differently. Like this, maybe: "Initially John (needs a last name), a thirteen-year-old boy (living in…? where does John live?), thought it ("was", not "as a") strange for anyone to have dreams like those that he had."
Second, a chapter should have an equal amount of dialogue and description. When dad calls John down, the next thing the reader knows is that John is downstairs. Between chunks of dialogue there must be description. What does John look like? What do his parents look like, and what are their names? What does the phyciatrist's office look like? And so on.
These are my suggestions, and that's all they are. I'm not trying to be a back-seat driver or anything. Lastly, add a simile or metaphor here and there. It adds spice.

[Dev]

Thank you for your suggestions.

[the crying cup]

your welcome ^_^

[InsanityWriter]

Very interesting plot. :) Your writing style is a little wooden though, try reading it aloud and just try to make it flow more naturally. (: Nice start! ^_^

[Dev]

Thank you very much for your idea

[InsanityWriter]

No problem. :) I also liked how you spaced everything out. ^_^ Again, great start!