Desolation

Life of a desolate. Let me make this clear:- The poem does not convey my feelings. It is just about someone who is a victim of depression, that's all!

I am sad and also sometimes glad,

Over the life to me bestowed.

Thinking about it makes me mad,

I should be striding on which road?

*

This life is brief and I am in grief,

I now hope for a ray of light.

Here, my life is like a fallen leaf

I wander like a string-less kite.

*

Even the satanic sky asks why,

 This cold world here is cruel to me,

 Rather than to live, I long to die,

Perhaps that way I can be free.

Author's Note

The poem adheres a strict syllable count of :- 9,8,9,8. And, rhyme scheme is also very strict. It is one of the toughest poem by me.

The poem is not about me, it is what I got in my mind, and then I let it flow in words. I am very positive by the way.

As always, the doors for critics are always welcome. Be harsh and strict while reviewing. I want to make this good.

I thank Sir Tate and Perkele.7885, for there kindness.

Thanks for stopping by and sparing time upon my work. Reading it is as same as honoring my efforts.

I firstly had named it "Introvert" but changed it and put "Pessimist". but soon after I again changed it to "Desolation" as many reviewers told me that, introversion and pessimism are different from depression. Thanks to those reviewers.

Image source:- Google

Devanshu

Reviews

[Ishita Dixit]

I wander like a stringless kite.
This can happen on more occasions than one.
As soon as I read this line, I thought that as a dreamer I can relate to it.
Just a thought.

Your poem is amazing. The rhyme scheme was good too.
The ideas were expressed brilliantly.
You are very cheerful and that's why its a pleasant surprise how you carved out a poem from the view point of a loner with such perfection!
Kudos!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for the beautiful review. I'm glad you liked it.

Devanshu

[Elan Vital 23]

It is difficult to know what causes depression, so many things that come together and make our outlook unpalatable. I enjoyed the fact that you attempted to adhere so strictly to form. This can be a difficult task in the poetic genre. Due to your previous commenters you have already edited to my satisfaction so I'll just say good job. I also feel your improving.

[Devanshu Rajput]

This really was Herculean task for me to do this poem. But when I come to know that, my efforts have not gone in vain, my exuberance knows no bounds.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a kind review.

Devanshu

[modtoddinc]

I enjoyed your poem. One caution I have is that introverts are not necessarily depressed... they are energized from within themselves as apposed to outwardly from others (extroverts). Just a thought to consider. Thank you for sharing your artwork.

~peace, Todd

[Devanshu Rajput]

You are absolutely right. Thanks for bringing that to my notice. Introversion is a different subject. It is not as same as melancholia. So, I re-christened it to "Pessimist". If that suits it?

Thanks for your help.

Devanshu

[modtoddinc]

Well since I opened this can of worms I must comment further. First I will say that I was not suggesting that you to change anything, I merely wanted to share my observation. Art is made by the artist and interpreted by the viewer in many different ways... That being said, I feel Pessimist misses more than the original title and here is why: Introverts can be and often are depressed, sometimes mistakenly so, but a pessimist is a state of mind where one is anticipating bad over good. Depression is a mental condition. When I read your poem I feel the depression, yet also glimmers of hope... "sometimes glad" and "now the sky, to me, asks why?" (creating a curiosity, or hope for the better). For this reader, I like the word you use in your comment above: Melancholia, but I am not the author... the choice is and always remains yours. I simply share my views out of respect and camaraderie.

~peace, Todd

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am a novice writer. I appreciate any suggestion over my piece. I liked your suggestion, and so I amended it.

You again are right. Pessimist also doesn't' seems to work.

I had some problem with Melancholia, because, I had written a poem previously with the same name. I will appreciate any advice upon the title.

Thanks for the response.

Devanshu

[modtoddinc]

well some words that come to mind for me would be: Distress, Gloom, Dejection? or maybe Woefulness? Sorrow? It's tough to do... perhaps simply Depression? Call it what it is... There is an archaic term, (which Snoop Dogg used in a song... The Vapors) meaning to affect with vapors; Depress. Good luck! ;)

[Devanshu Rajput]

Ya, in some time I get one. Thanks for the suggestions.

Devanshu

[Devanshu Rajput]

What do you think of my new name? Check it out please.

Devanshu

[modtoddinc]

I love it. Great job!

[Perkele.7885]

Dev, rather than to live! Looks great!

[Devanshu Rajput]

OOPS! Sorry. I will make it that.

Devanshu

[wordman]

well you did perfect on it my friend

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for it.

Devanshu

[wordman]

you are welcome

[Mara]

Wow this is amazing, I love it
Great job!:)

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for commenting.

Devanshu

[Perkele.7885]

Dev, It is a good poem and a tough subject to get the right feel for. I wad able to read your word picture well. I do have a problem as a reader, however, The poem as written comes off very stiff, feels like a necktie that is tied a bit too tight!(can you understand what I am saying?)
Line 5 substitute This for The
Line 8 make string-less one word
Line 12 make may be one word
Line11 substitute Rather than for than to
I do not know if my suggestions will affect your restrictions or not, but the poem will flow better off the tongue in English!

[Ruth]

Am glad it isn't your feelings...well thought out, depression is a hard battle to fight...

[Devanshu Rajput]

Indeed. Thanks for reading.

Devanshu

[Willard Wells]

It was a dark beautiful view of a life. Glad you clarified it was not you. Very good work. I like it Thanks for sharing.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Your welcome.

Thanks for stopping by.

Devanshu

[Dayran]

A wonderful effort young man ... you are certainly sailing with the spirit of poetry. Well done ... stay with it ... there's no telling how far you can go.

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am indeed.

If I continue to receive wishes like this, I will one day reach the moon.

Thanks for stopping by.

Devanshu

[Confuser]

Devanshu: I loved the poem and as far as the strick syllable rhyme scheme it works, but I haven't looked at that yet. I simply thought, the descriptions of the character is very sad, spot on and emotionally delivers. It is solid and flows and meter and your imagery is very good. The life people are born into is sometimes so very true. That is something a child has no choice in; unfortunately depression is only made worse by that fact. Others can see to have everything, but unfulfillment, self guilt, shame, repression and so many things can bring a true state of depression. I loved the poem. Thank you very much. Dale

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for such a beautiful insight.

"No sight is worst then pessimist"

read moreThanks for such a beautiful insight.

"No sight is worst then pessimist"

I am glad, I was able to deliver it to you. Thanks for such a kind review.

Devansnu

[Confuser]

My pleasure.....Dale