Desolation

Life of a desolate. Let me make this clear:- The poem does not convey my feelings. It is just about someone who is a victim of depression, that's all!

I am sad and also sometimes glad,

Over the life to me bestowed.

Thinking about it makes me mad,

I should be striding on which road?

*

This life is brief and I am in grief,

I now hope for a ray of light.

Here, my life is like a fallen leaf

I wander like a string-less kite.

*

Even the satanic sky asks why,

 This cold world here is cruel to me,

 Rather than to live, I long to die,

Perhaps that way I can be free.

Author's Note

The poem adheres a strict syllable count of :- 9,8,9,8. And, rhyme scheme is also very strict. It is one of the toughest poem by me.

The poem is not about me, it is what I got in my mind, and then I let it flow in words. I am very positive by the way.

As always, the doors for critics are always welcome. Be harsh and strict while reviewing. I want to make this good.

I thank Sir Tate and Perkele.7885, for there kindness.

Thanks for stopping by and sparing time upon my work. Reading it is as same as honoring my efforts.

I firstly had named it "Introvert" but changed it and put "Pessimist". but soon after I again changed it to "Desolation" as many reviewers told me that, introversion and pessimism are different from depression. Thanks to those reviewers.

Image source:- Google

Devanshu

Reviews

[Ishita Dixit]

I wander like a stringless kite.
This can happen on more occasions than one.
As soon as I read this line, I thought that as a dreamer I can relate to it.
Just a thought.

Your poem is amazing. The rhyme scheme was good too.
The ideas were expressed brilliantly.
You are very cheerful and that's why its a pleasant surprise how you carved out a poem from the view point of a loner with such perfection!
Kudos!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for the beautiful review. I'm glad you liked it.

Devanshu

[Mayank]

When you stick to some rules you definitely makes things better, which you have rightly done, the emotions are well expressed and the rhyme is set. Good write.

[Devanshu Rajput]

You're right. Thanks for those kind words. That means a lot to me.

Devanshu

[Leslie Philibert]

I like rhymed poetry, this is well written, fine job

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for it.

Devanshu

[Elisa]

I definitely agree, sticking to a set rhythm and rhyme scheme is very difficult to do, but you pulled it off here! I'm really glad that you focused on the actual emotions of the poem instead of the rules of its construction (at least, that's how it came across). It's really impressive.

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am glad you liked it.

Best wishes,
Devanshu

[George Peck]

You did great job with this poem. Thanks for sharing

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reviewing.

Devanshu

[Passengerr]

brilliant piece Devanshu, I think the poem truly depicts the sadness of a depressed mind.. thanks for sharing.

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am glad you took some time to review my piece so beautifully. Thanks for this.

Devanshu

[Dr. Wood ?]

you do well to stick to the structure Devanshu, I guessed that this was not a personal poem, good job...I must say that I don't really like the final line....GLEE isn't a much used word and this is the only part of the poem that seems forced....Still good though....

[Devanshu Rajput]

This is not at all autobiographical. I am much of an extrovert by the way. Lol

Thanks for those compliments.

As you have suggested, I will amend the word. If you can give any suggestions?

Devanshu

[Dr. Wood ?]

I have great trouble getting onto writer's cafe for some reason Devanshu and it is even harder to find particular writers..as soon as i get my new lap top back all will be well...I thought the word FREE might suit...set my self free....needs more syllables f course//////

[Devanshu Rajput]

I hope all becomes well soon.

A perfect line. Thanks for helping.

Devanshu

[Emily]

I like the strict syllable scheme-I hadn't noticed it before! However, I definitely think you should practice doing more poems like this so it sounds more natural. Play around with it. Good job!

[Devanshu Rajput]

I will indeed play around with it.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving an encouraging review.

Devanshu

[Emily]

No problem! :)

[AaronFreitas]

I like the words about the character in here. As far as the structure it was good and tight. A very good write and it is definitely a harder write when we structure a poem so tightly. Good work my friend!

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Very well done, Devanshu. I know it's difficult to write poems with a strict scheme and rhyming makes it the more difficult; so, well done again. :) Rudi

[Devanshu Rajput]

It really is very difficult. Thanks for those kind words.

Devanshu

[Double T]

I like this poem. You have really touched the lesson about depression and support it in a psychological style.

Writing 4/5

Subject 4.9/5

Theme 5/5

[Devanshu Rajput]

Wow! Thanks for the wonderful ratings. You really have boosted my confidence. Any ideas, how to improve it to 5? Just kidding.

Thanks for reading and rating.

Devanshu

[Double T]

You are so welcome. :)