Desolation

Life of a desolate. Let me make this clear:- The poem does not convey my feelings. It is just about someone who is a victim of depression, that's all!

I am sad and also sometimes glad,

Over the life to me bestowed.

Thinking about it makes me mad,

I should be striding on which road?

*

This life is brief and I am in grief,

I now hope for a ray of light.

Here, my life is like a fallen leaf

I wander like a string-less kite.

*

Even the satanic sky asks why,

 This cold world here is cruel to me,

 Rather than to live, I long to die,

Perhaps that way I can be free.

Author's Note

The poem adheres a strict syllable count of :- 9,8,9,8. And, rhyme scheme is also very strict. It is one of the toughest poem by me.

The poem is not about me, it is what I got in my mind, and then I let it flow in words. I am very positive by the way.

As always, the doors for critics are always welcome. Be harsh and strict while reviewing. I want to make this good.

I thank Sir Tate and Perkele.7885, for there kindness.

Thanks for stopping by and sparing time upon my work. Reading it is as same as honoring my efforts.

I firstly had named it "Introvert" but changed it and put "Pessimist". but soon after I again changed it to "Desolation" as many reviewers told me that, introversion and pessimism are different from depression. Thanks to those reviewers.

Image source:- Google

Devanshu

Reviews

[Ishita Dixit]

I wander like a stringless kite.
This can happen on more occasions than one.
As soon as I read this line, I thought that as a dreamer I can relate to it.
Just a thought.

Your poem is amazing. The rhyme scheme was good too.
The ideas were expressed brilliantly.
You are very cheerful and that's why its a pleasant surprise how you carved out a poem from the view point of a loner with such perfection!
Kudos!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for the beautiful review. I'm glad you liked it.

Devanshu

[Mr_M]

I loved the dark feeling of this poem. In such a short space you have captured depressions aching face. Well done matey.

[Devanshu Rajput]

I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for those words.

Devanshu

[Marie]

I can see how difficult this rhyming scheme must have been to write. I like very tightly rhymed and scanned verse myself, but keep it to a very simple form. I dont' really have any criticism; you convey the point of someone's desolation perfectly.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for the kind review. I am glad you liked it. Thanks for your time.

Devanshu

[B]

I can't relate to this poem

But i believe Death would be the opposite of freedom
Freedom is free falling

Seeing darkness and powering through
Good job here

[Devanshu Rajput]

You're right.

Thanks for reading and leaving behind this kind review.

Devanshu

[B]

I am not right
Just trying to think of your words
I could be so wrong
then i would be so ashamed for blurting all that out lol

[Devanshu Rajput]

Nah.....don't think that......you wrote write out there....I accord with you.

Devanshu

[Pax]

the strict syllable count makes the poem a little bit force on the rhyme, though it doesn't interfere on your intent my friend. The briefness of your lines makes the piece more straight-forward that many could relate,... Sometimes or more often life is cruel to us, confuses us which road to take, all we have to do is understand and be patient, and just live the way you wanted it to be...

keep improving my friend, you're already reaching high... :)

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for those kind words. It's is the result of things that I have learned from you and other poets on WC.

Devanshu

[iand63]

Not sure about this one. Having said that I have a resistance to rhyming verse. Will give it a few more reads.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading.

Devanshu

[Pratik Mishra]

Devanshu, I loved the poem! When I was reading it, I felt as i were reading a poem written by a professional.
Good work!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks Pratik for those compliments. I am glad you liked it.

Devanshu

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

Very beautiful execution of the style. You seem to have mastered that. And at the same time, you managed to convey genuine feelings of a person in a desolate state, on the edge between life and death. Very nice!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading and leaving behind a beautiful review applauding my words. I appreciate it.

Devanshu

[Valentine]

I know nothing of rhyme schemes as I never studied poetry writing. I do think you followed it well. Valentine

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading.

Devanshu

[....................]

You have captured depression very well, Devanshu. I know many who would fit your description perfectly and I have often imagined that living a life of wandering, without any clear purpose, waiting for death to bring peace must be very difficult, indeed. I enjoyed the rhyme and meter of this piece but most of all the content. Well-written!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for such beautiful words upon my work. I am glad you liked it.

Devanshu