Limerick-3

An attempt to make you laugh!

There once was a man who had no hair

He feared from heat he could not bear

with the sun on his head

He can bake eggs and bread,

Which he promised some day he would share.

 

Author's Note

Please do help me to make it a real limerick. I appreciate your presence here. Thanks to alf and FT Ledrew, for granting more beauty to this piece,

Devanshu

Reviews

[Helen Crutchett]

Dear Devanshu,

Well it did make me laugh! Well done Limerick. Content was good, rhyming was good......syllables a litte out but that's ok, you made a mighty effort here my friend! A very worthy contest submission, thank you so much for joining in!

For the edification of others who are not sure what the format is, here is the form requirements for limericks.

A limerick is a humorous poem consisting of five lines.

The first, second, and fifth lines must have seven to ten syllables
while rhyming and having the same verbal rhythm.

The third and fourth lines only have to have five to seven syllables,
and have to rhyme with each other and have the same rhythm.

It all sounds very complicated but once you get the hang of it, it's smooth sailling!

Here is a link you might like to take a peek at poets

http://www.poetry4kids.com/blog/lessons/how-to-write-a-limerick/

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

I don't know much about limericks, but I can enjoy them. Thanks for sharing this one. :) Rudi

[Devanshu Rajput]

Limericks are fun. Try them.

Thanks for stopping by.

Devanshu

[Willard Wells]

Fun piece. thanks for sharing

[Devanshu Rajput]

Glad you liked it.

Devanshu

[alf]

Okay. There once was . . .
my advice in second line is . . . he suffered heat
the third line . . . with the sun on his head
4th line excellent
and last line . . . leaving home? Well he just doesn't dare!

So now it would read

There once was a man who had no hair (9 syllables)
he suffered from heat he could not bear (9 syllables)
with the sun on his head (6 syllables)
you can bake eggs and bread (6 syllables)
. . . leaving home? Well, he just doesn't dare! (9 syllables)


Love it. it is funny!!! Just needed to make your words fit the syllable requirement. Feel free to change this again if you want but read it aloud and you'll feel the rhythm. Sorry I have taken over your limerick, but just wanted to show you the difference, and how it should sound. Limericks can have no variation in rhythm. Go for it, see what you think. PM me if you want!! alf

[alf]

Just one more thing . . . stick to one colour (preferably not yellow on computer) for posting, alf

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks alf for all this suggestions. I am revieving tons of new version for my poem. I will mix them and make a new limerick!

I really have problem with rhytm. I want to learn all this. If you could?

Thanks for reading.

Devanshu

[alf]

No problem!!!! Think of it like a song that you sing and hopefully that will make more sense. send me a private message when you are done and we'll go over whatever you decide to write, okay? alf

[alf]

Just one line to fix . . . 2nd line is missing one syllable . . . add one more one syllable word and it will be right

[Jeyanthi]

Its funny read.
Good attempt Devanshu.
(The fourth line colour is little odd i think.)

[Devanshu Rajput]

I will switch it to dark. Thanks for reading.

Devanshu

[Jeyanthi]

You edited into a new line.. :) I like it more now.. :)

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks again.

Devanshu

[....................]

This is a funny piece though I had trouble reading the yellow line (I had to highlight it) so it slowed-down the read. I'd use a darker line. I sent you a suggestion :)

[Devanshu Rajput]

I appreciate your suggestions. I am glad you are helping me improve it.

Thanks for leaving beautiful suggestions.

Devanshu

[....................]

You are welcome... any time!

[Woody]

hi Devanshu.
this is quite funny. I like it. however, since you asked for help, I'll tell you what I've learnt from a very good poet, here.
the syllable count should be: 9,9-6,6-9. I didn't know that myself but what I've always known is that line 3 and 4 are always much shorter.
still, this is funny :)
try this: there/once/was/a/man/who/had/no/hair

[Devanshu Rajput]

Hi there! I am glad you liked it.

I really appreciate this. I will make amendments according to it. Thanks for the suggestion.

Cheers,
Devanshu

[Woody]

you're welcome