I am a long forgotten soul

I am a long forgotten soul

A Poem by Devanshu Rajput
"

A poem written by me, for CHAUCERIAN RONDEL ~ Blue Rose Cafe Challenge!. Please read the note by me,after reading this.

"

 




I am a very long forgotten soul,

I have nothing of which I can take pride,        

I am dwindling with my every stride.

 

I am having no path to stroll,

Every time I try to try, I am thrown aside,            

I am a long forgotten soul.


In my life there is nothing like a goal, 

There is not even He with me as my Guide.          

There is no one to whom I can abide.

I am a long forgotten soul.   




© 2015 Devanshu Rajput


Author's Note

Devanshu Rajput
It is a Chaucerian Rondel. Written for the following contest:-

http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/CHAUCERIAN-RONDEL-~-Blue-Rose-Cafe-Challenge%21/51208/

Thanks to Helena Mam, who helped improve it.

As, always, be critical while reviewing.

I thank, Tate, for teaching me effective use of meter, which I have employed here.

(Image source:- Google)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42305475@N03/10005876675

My Review

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Featured Review

Devanshu: I liked your poem very much and would like to say Congratulations on a job well done. It is so very somber and deep, but the tone is straightforward, as if to say I am what I am. It's interesting, and the character of the long forgotten soul seems somewhat nonemotional as if to say; no one cares; I am lost, why should I care; there is no hope at all, no matter how hard I try. Thank you so very much. Great work. Dale

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you like it.

Devanshu
Confuser

9 Years Ago

You're very welcome. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you! Dale
This comment has been deleted by the poster.



Reviews

Well written, you did well here..

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Beautifully penned


And the photo goes very well

with this lovely piece.


God bless. Benita

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

Thanks. Benita, your kind words.

Devashu
Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet

9 Years Ago

You're welcome. :)
This poem is very well written. Your writing ability successfully generating a nice, dark atmosphere, and the poem itself flows really well. Fantastic job! :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

I am humbled by your kind words.

Devanshu
Makes clear that only you ... and you alone ... can make the difference. Nice ...

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it.

Devanshu
a deserving entry, i think.
beautifully written.....
i loved it!!!!
:)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


This is the first time I've heard of a CHAUCERIAN RONDEL. Sounds cool. And this poem is really good, smooth and simple.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the review. i too, have heard of this style. I have just crafted this poem in accordance .. read more
Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

Errata:-

In the first line I meant, I too have heard of this for the first time.
read more
Dear Devanshu,

Welcome to the Challenge! I can see that you are a very keen writer!

This Chaucerian Rondel is SPOT ON! Just a couple of small alterations, then you have achieved your aim!

Stroll instead of troll ~ 4th line

In my life I have no goal ~ 7th line

Well done poet! Good luck in the challenge!!

Kind regards,

Helena




This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

Thanks, for pointing out the errors. I am glad to receive this much help from you.

Al.. read more
Helen Crutchett

9 Years Ago

You are most welcome!

Helena
who is this 'he' fellow anyway?

hmmmm this poem sounds to me like someone who beleives they are owed something for living, i on the other hand believe that we exist at all is the most miraculous thing and nothing to be thrown away in self pity

I know - maybe sounds harsh but for me knowing my only purpose in life is to love, exist and create is more than enough to share XX

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

There, in he "H" is capitalized. So, it simply implies God.

You are right, one shoul.. read more
KWP

9 Years Ago

Yes you are fifth I should always remember there are two sides to a coin just like duality everythin.. read more
This reminds me of all the moments when I felt like I was just wandering aimlessly through life, until I finally found my inspiration and purpose. Very powerful theme that you have here, with some great lines to convey it.

If I may, I would like to suggest one teeny tiny thing. Try not to sacrifice the grammar for the sake of the rhyme scheme or the meter. All three should work together harmoniously to convey your ideas.

Thank you for reminding me to be grateful, simply for the fact that I know my purpose in life.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Devanshu Rajput

9 Years Ago

I am grateful of kind words of yours....but, I would highly br obliged if you can point out the gram.. read more

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Added on March 10, 2015
Last Updated on April 12, 2015

Author

Devanshu Rajput
Devanshu Rajput

India



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Dear visitor, The above graphic is message from the very core of my heart. This is indeed my abode. It has been a very long time that I am here on this site. To be honest, this site, in my .. more..

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