I am a long forgotten soul

A poem written by me, for CHAUCERIAN RONDEL ~ Blue Rose Cafe Challenge!. Please read the note by me,after reading this.

 

I am a very long forgotten soul,

I have nothing of which I can take pride,        

I am dwindling with my every stride.

 

I am having no path to stroll,

Every time I try to try, I am thrown aside,            

I am a long forgotten soul.

In my life there is nothing like a goal, 

There is not even He with me as my Guide.          

There is no one to whom I can abide.

I am a long forgotten soul.   

Author's Note

It is a Chaucerian Rondel. Written for the following contest:-

http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/CHAUCERIAN-RONDEL-~-Blue-Rose-Cafe-Challenge%21/51208/

Thanks to Helena Mam, who helped improve it.

As, always, be critical while reviewing.

I thank, Tate, for teaching me effective use of meter, which I have employed here.

(Image source:- Google)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42305475@N03/10005876675

Reviews

[Confuser]

Devanshu: I liked your poem very much and would like to say Congratulations on a job well done. It is so very somber and deep, but the tone is straightforward, as if to say I am what I am. It's interesting, and the character of the long forgotten soul seems somewhat nonemotional as if to say; no one cares; I am lost, why should I care; there is no hope at all, no matter how hard I try. Thank you so very much. Great work. Dale

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you like it.

Devanshu

[Confuser]

You're very welcome. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you! Dale

[Great Aunt Astri]

Well done you! The poem flows beautifully.. not stilted at all with natural sounding rhymes. It was sad, and it made me feel like sending a big hug to the person it referred to.

[Abilash Uttama]

i liked your writing and idea behind it, Nice work !

[sereenaoutloud]

This is a great write, "i have no path to stroll," love this line! nicely done!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Well, that line was advised by Helena Mam. Thanks for reading and attributing your precious time to my work. It is appreciated.

Devanshu

[Perkele.7885]

Dear Sir, I am not qualified in this type of challenge to critique your work other than to say that according to the demands that I see that Ms. Helena says are required, you appear to have met the standard with aplomb.
I ask just one question as to content young sir! If your main character is a long forgotten soul as you the writer state in the poem so fervently, why does He who is your character's Guide and in whom the character abides allow him to be this long forgotten soul? (I am taking He and the Guide to be a religious reference in the asking of this question) Once again, I am no critic here!

[Devanshu Rajput]

Sir, please don't call me sir, Sir. I am very young. You can call me dev.

I am thankful of your kind words. Many reviewers have found it hard to understand who is He. Sir, As you can see H is capitalized, doesn't it imply that it is God.

Thanks for reading and stopping by.

Devanshu

[Ana D S M]

Well done, enjoyed this one and good luck to you.

[Shivam Murari]

First things first, I loved the photo. The title is nice but the photo is grasping. It is just so poetic and such a clear expression of the title and the theme. Coming to the poem, CHAUCERIAN-RONDEL. Big name man. I think this was a pretty honest try. Though it didn't go the fullest for me, but trying such schemes are really difficult and I see your diligence by the fact that you were brave enough to give it a go.
"only and only He" maybe altered to "the one and only He, as my guide". Suits the meter better. Now with schemes like these, it is not necessary to show refrain. I think that is the reason why you repeated to title as the last line. I don't think it goes with that verse. The last verse is a different side of this poem, maybe you could substitute that line with a more optimistic one.

A nice read anyway. (I am going back to the fascinating pic. Its rather good!)

[Octavious]

Assuming that this is a referral to God the one and only, I absolutely agree with you, and I found this piece of work enjoyable,well done and thank you for sharing :)

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate it.

Devanshu

[Avinash]

If you mean God who you call He then I will say you may be right.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading and stopping by.

Devanshu

[Michael G. Smith]

I'm am confused. In one aspect you claim to be a long forgotten soul but then claim He is your guide? To me this seems to be a contradiction because God knows us and never forgets us.

[Devanshu Rajput]

There, indeed remains a contradiction. Forgive me. I will have a look.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Devanshu

[Natureislelove]

Good piece, Al the best in your challenge

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Devanshu