Acrostic-1 Melancholia

A further attempt by the fragile poet, that resides in me. This time with a motive to convey the feelings of a pessimist or an melancholic, written in Acrostic style.

Melancholia is the word for my life

Every desire and will is lost to further thrive 

Lost is everything that once belonged to me

Apathy is all I have after Thee

No trust resides in me for my fate

Chorus of curses, is what, I no longer hate

Hope in me has long since died

Oh! There is no one who can guide,

Last, I long to reach the death’s gate,

I now can do nothing but wait,

At last, Melancholia is the word for my life.

Author's Note

Please, scrutinize and then blatantly criticize, this piece of mine. Be ruthless and merciless while reviewing. I will be highly obliged.

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Devanshu

Thank you for the compliment or your many reviews, which, by what follows, I return.

Well done for being 'Featured Writer' on 'The Blue Rose Cafe' of which I am also a member.

Let me get straight into this. I often do a long preamble to what I have to say, which connects the writer with the words.

But here I will keep it as simple as I can, in my own way.

Everything I am about to say is to help you and not to harm. It is just pure honesty in one person's review.

Form: 11 lines of acrostic verse.

So you spell out 'melancholia' in the first word of each line.

What I admire here is that you do not just do acrostic, you let the last two lines mirror the first two in reverse in rhyme:

'Melancholia is the word for my life
Every hope and will is lost to further thrive'

to start; and to finish:

'I have lost all hope, to further hope and thrive
Anyway, Melancholia is the word for my life.'

Life ... thrive: Thrive ... life

I have a piece on here which is acrostic but it is also what some term 'concrete'. That means, yes you can read down the first word of each line to get words and meaning, but not only do you have to read across the page too, the shape of the words on the page reflect the sentiments expressed.

The link:

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/jameshannamagill/1133726/

You need not review.

Rhyme: It rhymes largely in couplets. But because there are 11 lines and not an even number of lines, you cannot do it all in couplets. The stray line is: 'Last, I hope to reach the death’s gate,'. You also rely on a rhyme which is a little thin, but to which I do not object: 'Life' ... 'thrive'

Rhythm: Beats or syllables to the bar? There is no fixed pattern, but no one line gets out of your average to make it feel out of joint.

Use of language: You manipulate words well to get your point across. But two words jar for me here. And they are 'boo' (a colloquialism) and 'Anyway' (more a part of prose or common speech than poetry). I also find 'the Thee' offbeat. But actually it has some merit because of the sound and its own voice. So I accept. Otherwise your words are not complex.

Simile or metaphor: There is none. But this is straight and you try to keep it simple. Neither is needed.

Please take this as one reader's point of view. You will have as many points of view as readers of this poem.

Meaning: Whilst the meaning of other poems may be obscure, you by your title and spelling the word down the page make it very clear: 'Melancholia' (sadness or depression).

Favourite lines, this couplet which says it all:

'Hope in me has long since died
Oh! There is no one who can guide,'

There is something fundamental you say here about the state of life, about its lower patterns and the suffering we alone at times have to ride.

Perhaps we at times think we are special because we are sad. But depression and sadness form part of all of our lives at one time or another, unless we have no caring spirit or one of empathy.

You show empathy in this poem for all in sorrow. For that I congratulate you.

In that sense, it is generalistic and it applies to us all. You ring bells in all our heads.

That is my review such as it is.

As I say my job is to help you.

If I do not do that for you, I will have failed you.

I hope not.

With my kindest regards

James

[Tate Morgan]

Devanshu. I like to call reviews by James as being the recipient of the Magill award you'll never see a better review he is good soul I hope you get along well he is honest and kind congratulations

[Devanshu Rajput]

Dear James,

You are welcome. I enjoyed reading your works.

Why should I be harmed by your words. Didn't I write in my note, that be critical while reviewing. We can find many people who will applaud you, but less, who can you show you the mirror or criticize you for your shortcomings.

For Rhyme: You are right. I first thought, to make it rhyme like the first twelve lines of sonnet. But, unfortunately, the lines were odd in number. It disrupted my all calculations. I first, thought to discard the word "melancholia", and opt for any other word. But, I had gone much far with this. So, I had to go with it.

You are right, I will weed out those stray lines, and get better substitutions. To be honest, I here have forced many words to rhyme. So, this also resulted in loopholes.

For rhythm: I have not employed, meter here. In fact, I have only employed meter, in writing like limericks or haiku. But, in my forthcoming writings, I will employ it.

For use of language: Thanks for bringing, my attention to this. I will fix it. You are right. They sound informal. I know, the word 'thee' is redundant. But, it was the only word in my vocabulary, to rhyme with "me".

I am glad, that a person like you not only read and reviewed my poem, but, also pointed out the weakness, in it.

You are true. Sadness and depression are the cruelest irony of life.

My current vocabulary is not enough, to thank you.

As, something is better than nothing. Thanks!

Thanks, for attributing your precious time.
Thanks, for pointing out errors.
Thanks, for last but not the least, your kindness.

Thanking you,
Devanshu

[Devanshu Rajput]

Your are true Tate. I am happy, that I have been bestowed with this accolade the third time!

Who can be, more lucky than me?

Thanks, James, for all your commentaries.

Devanshu

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Devanshu, Thank you if what I have said has helped. You write well. We all need to know what others think. You have just gained me as a friend. James

James

[Tomás Ó C..]

We all go through these through these times in our lives. Its well captured here. Wording is a bit formal for most tastes but thats the style I love - take a look at my stuff for example - and if its your style dont change it for anyone.

Grammer is perfect and the spelling is better than mine! Well done!

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am grateful of kind words. I will definitely have a look at your writings.

With humble regards,
Devanshu

[Colorado Brian]

I will not scrutinize or criticize. I will enjoy the artistic effort. :)

[Devanshu Rajput]

I will be glad, f you do so. I am humbled by your words.

Devanshu

[Nyu]

Oh I like that form, its a fun kind of poem game. Also melancholia is such a pretty word. Though its rather dark that it describes the entirety of your life, is there not anything that lightens it up? This poem is phrased well and I enjoyed it. Thanks for the work and keep it up :)

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am grateful for your kind words. I am glad you liked it.

Best wishes,
Dwvanshu

[Helen Crutchett]

A very well thought out Acrostic, which by the way is a style that I love.

I like the rhyming scheme you have employed here, along with the Acrostic pattern. Wonderful!

The subject of meloncholia was described very well in this fabulous write!


Good work.

Helena

[Devanshu Rajput]

I am exuberant that you lied it. Your reviews are always confidence boosting.

Devanshu

[Devanshu Rajput]

Errata:-

It is not "lied", it is liked.

[Helen Crutchett]

lol, you are welcome as always!

Helena :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

amazing!!!!
very well written.....
sad dark.......beautiful poem.
i loved it!!!!
:)

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for reviewing my both poems.

Devanshu

[Natureislelove]

Many people can attest to the melancholia of this poem. I think it was a good piece.
Continue the good work.

[Devanshu Rajput]

Thanks for the nice review, I am glad you liked it.........

Devanshu