A Murderers Tale

The Biography of a cold blooded killer.

  I crept slowly along behind the girl. My footsteps hitting silently against the cement. This girl excited me and I had to have her. My pulse quickened at the thought of the scene that so swiftly approached, that was it, I couldn't wait any longer. I quickened my pace still moving silently. She was getting closer to home and the jerk in her movements suggested she had heard something. She began to move faster, I had to stop her. I began to run and she did too. I leapt for her grabbing hold of her shoulders, I swiftly covered her mouth muffling the scream. She began to writhe and kick as I drug her away down the alley. I threw her against a dumpster making a loud crash but it was okay I knew no one could hear us now.

   "Such a beautiful creature." I said as I pushed her black curls out of her eyes. "Please, Please don't do this." She begged as she sobbed and cried. "I'm sorry but I must." I said as I pulled out my favorite blade.

  A long sharp knife with a serrated edge perfect for cutting through bone. I raised the knife and caressed the girls cheek with it I could feel the tremors running through the girl. The fear almost jumping off of her. I smiled and put the knife to her neck. "Don't worry you won't feel a thing."

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A complete story is so few words. I like the pace and the feel of mystery in the tale. A surprise ending to a excellent short story.
Coyote

[Sierra D3]

wow.......... thats was really good . i had to read it twice! your really good .

[Brianna Van Zandt]

This is okay. Very bland, honestly No...detail, I guess. I don't know. It's too straightforward. I think you have potential, but I can't say I see too much of it in this.

[JadeForever]

this is a great prolouge..its very scary..:o

[Brewster]

Great writing... I envy you for your talent...

[RachelReaper]

Very suspenseful and creepy (that's a good thing), and ends with a cliffhanger! Could see this as the opening scene of a horror film.

[Chris]

K... you want to show - what? Horror? Anger - rage? Betrayal and revenge? Power? Stories do more than show action - they tell us something the author wants to say. You've got the action down but the story isn't here.

What are the thoughts that drive the action... where are the insights? Is it random? What is the why? Why the must? Is it madness? Real or a dream or even a fantasy? The characters need description and fleshing out.

Take care,
Chris

[Harley (arbiter)]

Ehh. Yeah it was good. Really. But I just don't like the whole "stalk and kill women" thing. Just me. Kill a guy why don't ya?! Of course I'm joking and its you're write. Good job though don't let me discourage you

[Owlgirl]

More! More! It must continue! That was amazing ans such a cliffhanger! Very suspendful and well written! Action! Thrill! Keep writing!

[Cynical_Art]

Love the theme, love the suspense, and the action. Keep it up, I'd love to see a full fledged story or something along the lines of this from you. If you could create this intense moment from so little I could just imagine an entire novel.