Child's Play

Real or not Real?

i'm afraid of you
who is afraid of me
because i resemble a woman
you find most frightening
and i killed a man
to sleep with you
just to prove
that i was dedicated,
his heart in my hands, 
handed over-
i can't tell if it pleases you
or if you are waiting for the day
when you become my sacrificial entrance
to some other man's bed
a priestess of romance, 
you should be able to see
the number of times i've cut open my own breast
just to play in someone's pillowset
i couldn't bear to give you the rest
you'll have to make due
with his instead
i hope someday we will supplement
the empty spaces
in one another's chests
because if you choose to believe,
i long to see the day i make you whole
to see the day this gap between us
will close
a foul mouth, sewn shut
and while we sleep in rented places
i swear someday, i will take you home
a place i plan to make
and while we wander public spaces
i swear someday, we will wander a place
we call our own
with people we both know
because when your eyes leave mine
i try to hold still
like a child, 
hoping for a butterfly 
i know the gale force of our fear
could take you from me
but i am trying to be peaceful
the sepulchre of my past
laid to rest
and looking at a swingset
screeking, squeaking with the weight of 
children
you said
'i wonder if it will break'
and i said
'nah, i think they'll be ok'

 

Reviews

[Clockwork]

This poems holds the caustic furry that many of your other poems do. You address such real issues and themes that the emotion becomes palpable and real. That is especially present in the tone you uses, as well as the idea of total sacrifice.

The second half of the piece is different from what I have seen from you. It has a tone of longing. That tone transforms into a yearning that transforms into hope by the end. The lines "i swear someday, i will take you home/a place i plan to make/ and while we wander public spaces/ i swear someday, we will wander a place/ we call our own" are my favorite. I think they convey an idea that strikes at the heart of this poem and some of the other you have written. I also thought the metaphor of the swingset was a really good way to end this poem. Well done, it was a pleasure reading.

[Frank F. Atanacio]

wow a treasury of dark verse and porse scented with hope I loved it

[.]

"i hope someday we will supplement
the empty spaces
in one another chests
because if you choose to believe,
i long to see the day i make you whole
to see the day this gap between us
will close"
~i like this set of lines~
(to me in the poem it seems to be a turning point
to where a set of tepid ease & trust seem to first
show itself in the poem as an easing of anxiet, and
as the poem goes on it slowly realaxes-a slight bit more.
and in the end~~
" and looking at a swingset
screeking, squeaking with the weight of
children
you said
" 'i wonder if it will break'
and i said
'nah, i think they'll be ok' "
~ this is a very well written creative poem :)
-a great creative read--very emotionally in touch !!!

[Diomaz]

Wow! That was beautiful! Nostalgic, Dark, and Hopeful all wrapped up in this piece.

As I enjoyed every moment reading it (especially the ending) my only advice would be to capitilize your 'I's and the first letter of the poem.

But that said, great work! I can't wait to get reading more of your works! :D

[Cliff Rhodes]

nice defiant and resolute poem with a mystery all its own