Nirvana

When the shards of broken words are slicing at the fingertips with their razor-edges,
when the shreds of memories, like dirty laundry, dangle in the wind,
when dreams slowly drain from a dirty bathtub,
and delusions offer no promise,
and the future hides no delusions,
and the ashes of loved ones have been lost among the boxes in the basement,
and the hands are still,
and the tongue is still "
 
                      only then can the silence be heard…

 

Reviews

[Alessander]

I like how it builds up to the penultimate line "only then can the silence be heard..." You do a good job of starting off with an abstract like words, memories, dreams, delusions, future then using a simile or metaphor to try to capture its "essence" or create a tone and meaning. This piece is a bit strange (in a good way) - the title is nirvana, but many of the images (razor edges, dirty laundry, dirty bathtub) are very un-nirvana - or perhaps - one can only acheieve nirvana when s/he rises above the filth of life.

One suggestion though. Since you already used "dirty" for laundry, I would perhaps use another adjective for bathtub, like "filmy bathtub" or "grimy" or even "rusty" etc etc.

Good stuff.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Plucked, frail and double emotion, a veritable slice of the mind's inner workings, well done, good read.

[Robert Robbie Lord Dudl..]

it's not your fault you didn't get caught
or discovered discovering more nooks and crannys
of your trucks of your books you unload
your word be heard...girlfriend, make mend in the wind.
thunder cats unite

[Bare trees]

Well chosen words and phrases. I like the concepts behind this and the ending. This is poetry at it's best. Great work.

[Bryan Micheni]

The imagery is almost incredible for such a short piece... Images to give emotion... I like

[Bryan Micheni]

The imagery is almost incredible for such a short piece... Images to give emotion... I like

[fireblossom]

When and then...such a classic tension and release. Life does indeed pound the drum and blow the fife. When do we know true silence? Well your poem answered that did it not?

Thanks

[emmajoy]

Life: each backward step leads to more ugliness, fear, disillusion - endless pain; death: life done, over, gone, finished .. nothing left but glorious silence.

The intensity of your words flows from everything into beautiful eternity ..

[Raymond]

Khalil Gibran wrote, "The deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." This is certainly a deep carve. Make a great hallmark card :) I agree with Alessander, but I would use perhaps "soiled laundry" unless you meant the double meaning (dirty laundry = dirty or shameful secrets). Once again Julie a great piece of work.

[Hannah]

I love Nirvana and I love this (: