funeral, unwilling.

to light the lanterns, of your body

to what could've been, and to what we were,

i light them as they burn ablaze.

grief, hold my cry

hold my mouth tight,

to mourn a loss, to grieve.

my heart sinks, deeper within.

clench my mouth;

i'm utterly broken,

and that i feel,

and i grieve, so overwhelming.

perhaps, you are oblivious of who i am;

the more i think about you,

the more it circles back, circles

back to you.

to what couldve been,

raise a glass.

and why is it that i find,

that i feel stuck at you.

is it perhaps, my love

for what you are, and for how it made me feel;

i grieve deep, mourning for your loss.

and to bury,

and to commemorate, im bound to ask

why do i grieve?

my feelings, so ambiguous and distasteful;

i see you, there

putting an end to our story,

pages unturned and words unwritten,

blank glimpses of ink, splatters that could not be seen;

it ended right before we ever started.

so, dear

how must i come to terms with it?

for now you're dead,

and for your sole remaining - a pile of ashes;

as i watch you decay, slowly dissipate;

rise from the fire beneath.

i cry hard, as i watch

the slow burns,

wishing for you to not leave; not yet, please.

till my lungs gasp out of air,

and i feel a funnel in my chest,

vacuumed to a void.

i can't burn past you.

as ruthless as the fire may seem;

i wish i could hold you, in my arms

as i watch you turn into nothingness

perhaps, into a breath of air.

i don't want to take on with my life.

and i could hold that close, grieve your loss;

to you i couldn't turn a blind eye.

to all the goodness i couldn't ignore.

to all the goodness i couldn't retrieve.

should i have spent more time,

valuing who i was with.

 

perhaps, i made a mistake.

***

( so how may i forget you, dear somebody

when all the good that im stuck with about you,

is all i care about and admire.
to what i knew about you, and to what i witnessed,

why am i expected to burry that.

and i hope with time, i shall move on

and learn what it is to let go,

to let go of your presence.

free you from my thoughts, and find a way through

through. )

left me in shambles, and now i'm all by my own;

cut me off before i ever speak a word.

the only closure i need, i find;

~