The Past

In the days before the collapse of the Hyperion empire, the garrisons of the Ilks prison colonies began to fall into disarray. Hearing word of the turmoil, ranking officers and guards alike abandoned their posts on the Ilk and fled through planar portals to their home world. With their captors gone, the convicts had merely to break down the doors of the prison to claim their freedom. But their joy would be short lived, as this newly found freedom was to be tempered with the hardship of surviving in an alien land.

 

Life was harsh in the early years. Food had to be hunted or scavenged, and those unable to to fend for themselves slowly starved to death. But before long the convicts realised that cooperation would be their only chance, and soon desperation gave way to innovation. Those with some innate magical ability used their skills to divine bores, hunters began to learn the migrational patterns of their prey, and those familiar with wilderness lore discovered plants and roots that were edible or possessed healing powers. Many of the convicts had spent their time in captivity labouring, and as such they emerged from captivity with many of skills necessary to build a new society. Those with knowledge of masonry, blacksmithing and carpentry would prove invaluable, and the Ilk provided all the raw materials that were needed.

A new settlement was established on the ruins of the prison complex, and in time it grew to become a bustling town. But alliances formed during incarceration stayed strong, and before long the cooperation and tolerance of the early days was forgotten. Hierarchies began to form, the weak were dominated by the strong, and soon a brutal gang war would erupt, leaving hundreds dead, and forcing many to flee into the wild lands.

 

Following weeks of bloodshed, the Hydrass clan would emerge as the dominant power and lay claim to the prison town of Talas-Ka, declaring feudal reign over its inhabitants. Outmatched and overpowered, the rival gangs fled into the wilderness with only their natural instincts to aid them. But in time they too would establish their own settlements and rise to challenge the might of the Hydrass clan.

Author's Note

Please be critical. I feel this is book is becoming a little bland, so I'd appreciate any suggestions on how it could be spiced up.

Reviews

[Stonewall]

I have a couple of comments to be made about one or two of the sentences, use of the word 'akin' doesn't really fit, and earlier I noticed 'their' coming up maybe a couple too many times in the first paragraph. Just stood out, maybe replace one with 'the doors of the prison' or something.

I find it interesting. Maybe you are finding it bland because it is too far away from the experiences of individual characters and needs something to ground it.

[ATG]

You asked for me to be critical in your Author's Note and so I shall. Let my questions start now.

You mentioned that this empire fell and the guards retreated. What you failed to answer is, why. Did the guards get chased away? Were the magically compelled to leave? Or did the simply run out of supplies?

Here is another important question you might want to consider. Was there anything there before the empire arrived? Anything intellegent?

What creatures do they hunt here? Are they monsters? Or infernal/ demonic versions of existing animals?