Drowned

I caught myself breathing you in

Smelling all the places you've been…the approaching rain on your skin

I was living in the clouds

I needed a soft landing and I was looking to you

Your neckline the runway and I had tickets for two…I'll meet you there

Ill surely drown into you

With goosebumps like tidal waves and I can't breathe under water

Your breath was like a seashell and I heard the ocean coming

Skipping fingertips on your body of water, I surely drowned

I"d swim the seven seas to make you weak in the knees...I'd discover you

Unexpectedly 

We can make history

But now were history...

Tomorrow you can look back at me 

As if yesterday was a photograph you hold close to your heart

But just like waves blanket beaches, we slowly drift apart

The ocean that was once our love became the ocean between us

It just ripples when it rains

And the picture is framed with shame, the same way your bones frame your body

What a shame I cant swim there anymore

Reviews

[Kaelee Wyant]

Dude this is seriously AMAZING =)

[Derek Nall]

Thank you so much!!!!! :)

[IPMONER]

I made a poem with similar content three years ago. Just refreshing!

[Sami Khalil]

"you hold close to your heart
But just like waves blanket beaches, we slowly drift apart
The ocean that was once our love became the ocean between us"
Some good read and write...Thank you for sharing...:)

[Derek Nall]

Thanks for taking the time to read it :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[DCT ponderings]

I liked the imagery of senses.

Smell=approaching rain on the skin
Touch= skipping fingertips
Sight= soft landing of her neckline
Sound= ocean heard in the breath of a seashell

I had a friend warn a potential suitor once that I was the deep end of the pool. So this spoke to that personal image.

[Derek Nall]

Thanks for the read :) Glad it was able to speak to you!

[Zelle]

well written!

[Derek Nall]

Thanks a lot :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I quite liked this one. I think it would be outstanding as a spoken word piece; it just begs to be read aloud.

Tomorrow you can look back at me
As if yesterday was a photograph you hold close to your heart

These are my favorite lines...I've felt this before. Well done.

[Derek Nall]

Thank you very very much!!

[DaniElle LaPointe]

the picture is framed with shame..... hmmm.

one does not truly ever die from drowning, one dies from suffocation when drowning.

The end of love deep in the suffocation of it.

jumped in to the deep end with this one.

[Derek Nall]

Thanks doll :)

[DaniElle LaPointe]

Happy Wednesday from way up here in the Cold North ;)

[Subrat]

wow
























wow!!! Derek. It is good, but could have been much much better. It was much appreciated by my friends, but this could have more melodiousness fitted to it.

[BryanaBear]

Love the rythmn and the way it's written.
Can use some edits but keep up the good work :)

[Derek Nall]

Thankssss

[Eddie Phillips]

A sweet poem of love lost. It is tinged with sorrow but is so rhythmically sweet that the regret is palpable. I love the wordplay and the way you stayed on course with the drowning subject. This was wonderfully done.

[Derek Nall]

Thank you sir, haven't been on in awhile...always appreciate your feedback!