Finding you

A Story by Deo

It's 4 am. We've been at this for six hours. I've been trying to talk you out of it. Saying anything to not see you go. You tell me things like. "No one needs me. I'm just in the way." "You all will get over it. I can be easily replaced." And I respond with. "I need you. Your friends need. Your SISTER needs you. Do you really want her to have to live with that? Just because your mother is awful. And she makes you feel worthless. Doesn't mean you are." "Replace my only younger sister? Not going to happen. You mean more to me then you know." I've talked you out of this how many times now? But now it is 5 and you still have not broken. My tired red eyes start to fog and close slowly. I miss the noise of the video call cutting out as you end it. You send a final message to everyone you care about. "Goodbye, I'm sorry." And then slowly begin your descend to the end.

The calm sets in faster then normal. You chuckle. These are suppose to help you. And yet here you are. Using them to leave.

Things start to dim and you begin to shake.

10.

Gone. Ten was the number you knew would work. And with that your light has been dimmed. No one will ever hear from you again. No one will see you smile again...

I wake and jolt from my bed. Three hours later. Not worried about clothes. Even though it's below freezing. I can't stable my mind enough to drive. Your three blocks away. I cover the distance in seconds. Screaming for help. I knew what I would find. But would it be to late? I make it to your house. Busting through the door. Not worried about who was in the living room. I slip down the hallway. And finally get to your door. I tried to open it. You've found a way to lock it. I kick it in and find you. Laying on your floor. A smile on your pale face. The sparkle in your eye gone. I get down and take you in my arms. I rock you back and forth screaming your name. Trying to get you to answer. Your mother sees what has happened. She screams and begins to cry loudly. Your sister comes to check the scene. She freezes and drops to the floor, holding herself, shaking and rocking. Hot tears stain all of our faces. The girl. Who meant more then she knew to all of us. Was gone from us forever. In a few hours. Everyone else would know. Within ten minutes an ambulance would arrive to take you away. But we knew it was hopeless. Within a week. You'd be in the ground. Forever. No more.

I wear your class ring. Needing some part of you. I still call you. Thinking you'll answer. But then just getting your voicemail. Your phone long past dead. Soon to be shut off. I play your favorite music on repeat. Not even bothering to change songs that don't fit how I feel. They meant so much to you. Why would I change it? Most days. I lay in my bed. Staring at nothing,crying. Even though I don't feel it. Talking to you, holding onto your favorite stuffed animal. I was only given a few items. But I took good care of them. Yes I will admit. When I'm not numb to everything. I harm myself. I can't handle you being gone. I run my fingers over my tattoo that matched the one you had every once in awhile. And think of how wonderful you were. How long has it been since I slept? I don't even know when I'm awake or when I'm asleep. I know I haven't eaten since you've left. I'm slowly dying. Because when you took your's you took mine with you. I'll be with you soon sister dear.

© 2014 Deo

Author's Note

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4rzN4b7C-0&list=PLz6h-7POaAMgmcATjw5rBgnyvZFRH695U

This is a what if thing. I just got the idea and wrote it. I am proud of myself. I was able to hold in tears the whole time I wrote this. There are so many songs I could put to this. But I'll just keep this one...